In Pursuit Of Baby...

New Bradley® Childbirth Class Series

2011-12-30T12:39:00.002-05:00

Registering Now!
Very limited availability left for the series beginning January 8, 2012. Don't miss out!

Having a child is a life changing experience.

Shouldn't your childbirth education be up to the challenge?

Let us help you prepare not only to give birth naturally, but also on becoming a family. Many couples report that Bradley classes help them bond not only with their unborn baby but also with each other. This is the birth of your family. Make it a Beautiful Beginning!

Classes are perfect for first time moms as well as experienced parents.

The Bradley Method® views birth as a natural, not medical process. It is our belief that most women with proper education, preparation, and the help of a loving and supportive coach can be taught to give birth naturally.

Single moms and same sex couples are welcome. Anyone can be your coach- friends, family, or a professional labor doula.

The Bradley Method® is a system of natural labor techniques in which a woman and her coach play an active part. It is a simple method of increasing self-awareness, teaching a woman how to deal with the challenge of labor by tuning in to her own body. The Bradley Method® encourages mothers to trust their bodies using natural breathing, relaxation, nutrition, exercise, and education.

Classes in The Bradley Method® will educate you to have the healthiest pregnancy and the safest, most beautiful birth experience possible whether you are having a hospital, birth center, or home birth.

Learn specific exercises and relaxation techniques that will facilitate an efficient labor.

Learn how to get the proper nutrition for you and your baby.

Learn how to stay low risk and healthy during your pregnancy.

Learn how to minimize your risk of a cesarean section.

Learn to work with your labor coach and have a rewarding birth experience.

Learn how to give birth naturally without fear.

Learn how to be a good consumer and advocate for the health and welfare of your family.

Learn to work with your healthcare provider to make informed decisions.

Class location:

Friends And Family Spinal Care

Coral Springs, FL 33076

I'll be happy to discuss any concerns that you have.

Contact Tracy for more details or to register-

at

(954) 699 6503

or email

tspericht@gmail.com

http://ourbeautifulbirth.com

William's Birth Story

2011-04-24T10:10:00.007-04:00

5 am Woke up with some very light contractions
6 am Realized they were time-able so I got up to prepare for our day- (5-10 mins apart, 60 seconds long) The contractions were still light enough that I could ignore them if I was busy.
7 am Had debate with Christopher about whether he should call out or go to work. He had somethings to pick up before he started paternity leave so I told him to go on in for a few hours to work. He was ready to stay home. :)
8 am Sent (Pam) doula a text so she would have a head’s up.
11 am Took shower. Contractions changed to a little stronger (3-7 mins apart, 60 secs long) Talked to doula again and she suggested I eat and take a nap. Christopher almost done at work. Called birth center and spoke to my midwife Betty.
12:30 pm I had ate by this time. Christopher arrived home and took over Andrew’s care.
1:15 pm I took a nap with my ipod
2:36 pm Woke up with very strong contractions. Realized I didn’t want to be lying down when the next one hit.
2:49 pm Pam asked via text if she could come over yet. I think it’s still too early for her to come over but she wants to.
3:00 pm Christopher & Andrew take a nap

4:00 pm Pam arrives and we talk while I’m on the birth ball. Contractions space out to 10-15 mins. I express doubt if labor is going to continue. She assured me if not tonight it would be this weekend. You can’t have false labor through 2 showers, a nap, all while eating and drinking. She said if they did stop just think how fun it would be to dye Easter eggs as a pregnancy/labor project.

4:30 pm Pam goes home but leaves her doula bag at my house.

6:00 pm Contractions start coming strong every 2-3 minutes, lose a lot of mucus plug.

6:11 pm Called Pam to let her know that I needed her to come back sooner rather than later. She asks if I needed her right then. I tell her if she has something she needs to do, go ahead. But she could hear in my voice that I needed her soon! Christopher was in and out finishing some last minute projects like washing the car and installing the car seat. Men!

6:44 pm Christopher got anxious about contacting midwife. Called Pam to see how close she was. Decided to call Betty who told us that she was very sick with a stomach flu. She said that she would come over to bring my chart but that Corina would be my midwife for the birth. I got a little emotional because out of the 5 midwives, Corina was the only one that I had not met with! Anjali (Betty’s regular back up) was already at a birth. And Debbie and Becky who I had met were not on call. Devastated at this point.

7:00 pm I went upstairs to labor. Pam arrived and worked her magic both physically and mentally. She massaged my back while giving me a pep talk. She reminded me who Corina was- the most experienced home birth midwife from the birth center besides my midwife, Betty and the owner Debbie! I knew Corina had apprenticed with midwives from Ina May Gaskin’s “The Farm”, where she was born and raised. Besides that she was a former NICU nurse. Corina had her credentials and then some. Lastly Pam reminded me that she was there for me. She was our doula for Andrew’s birth as well. My husband could be heard on Andrew’s birth video praising me and saying Pam was the one that “saved the day.” Pam fixed me up some aroma therapy to smell while I leaned on the birth ball- lavender for calming, with also clary (spelling?) and sage. It was my happy stuff!

08:00 pm Corina arrived and started taking my vitals. Everything was good to go,just needed to do an internal exam to determine dilation. This would help with the timing of my IV dose of antibiotics for GBS. Corina said since my bag of waters was bulging out she wanted to wait for a contraction to finish her assessment. Her hand was way up there at this point so she asked if I wanted her to leave it there or remove it while we waited. I laughed and told her she was already there, might as well wait. We all laughed some more and made small talk. There’s nothing like waiting for a contraction. The contraction finally began and she told me I was 9 cm dilated already! I would have been thrilled to be a 6-7. Corina said she wouldn’t have guessed I was a 9 by the way I was acting. Nothing like a little praise to give you a boost!
Vanessa, the second midwife, was on her way after picking up my chart and antibiotics from Betty.

9 cm!

8:30 pm I decided to do the Hibiclens wash in case the antibiotics weren’t administered in time.

9:00 pm I started to feel nauseous and hot. I hadn’t been sweating before. Vanessa arrived and the antibiotics were started. Pam fixed me a peppermint aromatherapy. I can’t believe how fast that took away the nausea! The rosewater wash cloth on the back of my neck cooled me down. After the bag dripped in, I took a shower. Pam laughed at me when I asked “permission” first. I began to think I might be feeling pushy but wasn’t sure. Pam said I could practice a push on the toilet but not in the shower! I didn’t want to get out of the shower so I ignored the pushy feeling.

10:00 pm I still wasn’t pushing despite feeling some pushy feelings. Now I was having difficulty relaxing through the contractions and vocalizing a little at the end of the contractions. Hello, Bradley Class 6. Those are typical signs of readiness to push when mom doesn’t have an overwhelming urge. I finally started pushing at the top of the contraction but I still couldn’t decide if it was good or not. Finally Corina asked me if I wanted another vaginal exam so I would feel better about pushing. Yes, please.

I’m not sure what time it was at this point but I was complete with only a very small lip of cervix left anterior. Corina assured me that it would slide away when my water broke and the baby moved down. She told me I if I pushed hard a couple of times that the membranes would release. I decided to use the bed post to squat and push to do that. They put a chux under me, pushed tentatively but harder this time, the sac ruptured with clear fluid. Yay, no mec.

Eventually I decided to get back on the bed. I thought I was going to push in a classic position. But pretty much just as soon as Pam said, “you’re not going to like that” I decided that I didn’t. Thoughts of my own Bradley teacher entered my mind. Sometimes you do things in labor that you pretty much never pictured yourself doing. Soon I was kneeling on the bed, leaned over the birth ball again, pushing. It wasn’t quite hands and knees but pretty close.

Corina said she could see the head. Pam went downstairs to be with Andrew so Christopher could come up. He was my rock while I was pushing. His hands definitely got squeezed on. Soon Corina said that’s his head, slow down, gentle pushes. Vanessa reminded me to listen to Corina’s instructions. Corina told me to stop pushing. So much better with his head out!There was a delay and then she gave me the okay to finish pushing him out. William was born!

I found out later that William’s cord was wrapped around his neck twice. Not unusual, about 20% of babies have 1 or 2 nuchal cord loops. This was a tight wrap though and later Corina said she thought she almost was going to have to clamp and cut right there. But thankfully she was able to slid it around his head. Thank you for attending my birth, Corina!

William was born on 4.22.11 at 11:19 pm weighing 7 lbs 14 oz and 21 inches long. If he had waited another 41 minutes he would have been born on his due date. But I’ll take my Good Friday and Earth Day baby! We’re all healthy and happy and very thankful that everything went smoothly for our home birth. I know home birth isn't for everyone (and it shouldn't be because not everyone has a low risk pregnancy) but it was a great choice for us.

Thanks for all the good thoughts and prayers that were sent our way!

Just born

Happy birth-day!

New Bradley® Childbirth Class Series

2010-12-17T10:11:00.002-05:00

Beautiful Beginnings Bradley® Natural Childbirth EducationClass

Location:
Sunshine Chiropractic Center

3436 N. Andrews Avenue
Fort Lauderdale, FL 33309
954-699-6503

Class Start Date:
Sunday, January 9, 2011 at 3:30 pm

Classes in the Bradley Method® will educate you to have the healthiest pregnancy and the safest, most beautiful birth experience possible whether you are having a hospital, birth center, or home birth.

The Bradley Method classes teach natural childbirth and view birth as a natural, not medical process. It is our belief that most women with proper education, preparation and the help of a loving and supportive coach can be taught to give birth naturally. Singles moms and same sex couples are welcome. Anyone can be your coach- friends, family, or a professional labor doula.

The Bradley Method® is a system of natural labor techniques in which a woman and her coach play an active part. It is a simple method of increasing self-awareness, teaching a woman how to deal with the stress of labor by tuning in to her own body. The Bradley Method® encourages mothers to trust their bodies using natural abdominal breathing and relaxation. Nutrition, exercise, and education also play key roles in successful labor preparation.

In addition our classes cover labor rehearsals, informed consent, birth plans, variations of labor, and possible interventions to help couples have the birth experience of their choice. We also include post partum care, newborn baby care, breast feeding and an introduction to attachment parenting and baby wearing.
Class tuition which includes a student workbook (over 120 pages) is $200. You will also have access to my lending library of books and videos.

Registration is Required.

Please contact your local Bradley® Childbirth Educator for more information:
Tracy Pericht, AAHCC
Beautiful Beginnings

Call: 954 699 6503

Email tracy@ourbeautifulbirth.com

Andrew

2010-12-15T18:32:00.001-05:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

New Bradley® Childbirth Class Series

2010-08-31T08:36:00.004-04:00

Class 1: Sunday, September 26, 2010

Time: 3:30 PM to 5:30 PM every Sunday
**Space still available for this series**

Students are welcome to attend a class for free without making a further commitment. Please contact me for details and to RSVP.

You may join this series for a prorated tuition through October 17.

Location: Baby Love's Classroom
6931 Northwest 88th Avenue (Corner of Mc Nab and Pine Island)
Tamarac, FL 33321
954-720-2300

The Bradley Method® is a class series that teaches natural childbirth and views birth as a natural process. It is our belief that most women with proper education, preparation, and the help of a loving and supportive coach can be taught to give birth naturally. Single moms and same sex couples are welcome. Anyone can be your coach- friends, family, or a professional labor doula. Doulas In Training may be available for a reduced client fee.

The Bradley Method® teaches a system of natural labor techniques in which a woman and her coach play an active part. It is a simple method of increasing self-awareness, teaching a woman how to deal with the stress of labor by tuning in to her own body. The Bradley Method® encourages mothers to trust their bodies using natural breathing, relaxation, nutrition, exercise, and education.

Our classes also cover fun labor rehearsals, informed consent, birth plans, variations of labor, and interventions to help couples have the birth experience of their choice. We also include post partum care, newborn baby care, breastfeeding and an introduction to attachment parenting and baby wearing.

These small group classes provide individual attention to our expecting couples. Each class series will include a student workbook, access to my lending library and videos, games and prizes, demonstrations, guest speakers (including other Bradley parents sharing their birth stories) and discussion. Some of the classes include a video.

A snack will be served during the break of Class 1.

Twenty-four hour telephone support is always available to our students for pregnancy, labor, breastfeeding, postpartum, and new parenting issues.

Registration is going on now for early December due dates and beyond.

Make your birth a Beautiful Beginning!

Please contact Tracy for more information.

http://www.ourbeautifulbirth.com/

Find us on Facebook!

FREE Healthy Pregnancy Class

2010-07-29T13:36:00.004-04:00

FREE Healthy Pregnancy Class
held at Baby Love in Tamarac!

Where parents learn about Healthy Pregnancies and Happy BIRTH-days!

Date: Saturday, August 21, 2010
Time: 10:30 AM to 11:45 AM

Receive Samples, Coupons, and Handouts.
Enter to win Doorprizes!

Class topics include:
Making the most of your Prenatal Care,
Normal Pregnancy Changes and Being comfortable in pregnancy,
How Exerise and Nutrition play an important role in pregnancy and labor

This is an introduction to The Bradley Method® only, not a complete series.

Please RSVP to reserve your space or for questions:

Email or Call Tracy at 954 699 6503

New Bradley Childbirth Education Series Starting!

2010-07-09T12:36:00.002-04:00

Friday, July 9, 2010 Time: 7:30 to 9:30 PM every Friday
**Space still available for this series**

Students are welcome to attend a class for free without making a further commitment. Please contact me for details and to RSVP.

You may join this series for a prorated tuition through July 30.

Location: Sunshine Chiropractic

The Bradley Method® is a series of classes that teach natural childbirth and views birth as a natural process. It is our belief that most women with proper education, preparation, and the help of a loving and supportive coach can be taught to give birth naturally. Single moms and same sex couples are welcome. Anyone can be your coach- friends, family, or a professional labor doula.

The Bradley Method® teaches a system of natural labor techniques in which a woman and her coach play an active part. It is a simple method of increasing self-awareness, teaching a woman how to deal with the stress of labor by tuning in to her own body. The Bradley Method® encourages mothers to trust their bodies using natural breathing, relaxation, nutrition, exercise, and education.

Our classes also cover fun labor rehearsals, informed consent, birth plans, variations of labor, and interventions to help couples have the birth experience of their choice. We also include post partum care, newborn baby care, breastfeeding and an introduction to attachment parenting and baby wearing.
These small group classes provide individual attention to our expecting couples. Each class series will include a student workbook, access to my lending library and videos, games and prizes, demonstrations, guest speakers (including other Bradley parents sharing their birth stories) and discussion. Some of the classes include a video.

For a more complete list of Course Contents, see http://www.bradleybirth.com/CC.aspx

A snack will be served during the break.

Please dress comfortably and bring a pillow and blanket for relaxation exercises.
Twenty-four hour telephone support is always available to our students for pregnancy, labor, breastfeeding, postpartum, and new parenting issues.

Registration is going on now for September due dates and beyond.

FREE Healthy Pregnancy Class at Baby Love

2010-07-06T03:33:00.002-04:00

FREE Healthy Pregnancy Class at Baby Love Store!
Learn about Healthy Pregnancies and Happy BIRTH-days!

Date: Saturday, July 17 2010
Time: 10:30 AM to 11:45 AM

Receive Samples, Coupons, and Handouts.
Enter to win one of our door prizes!

Class Topics Include:
Making the most of your Prenatal Care
Normal Pregnancy Changes and Being Comfortable in Pregnancy
How Exerise and Nutrition can benefit your pregnancy, labor, and birth.

This is an introduction to The Bradley Method® only, not a complete series.

Please RSVP to reserve your space:

Email or Call Tracy at 954 699 6503

FREE Healthy Pregnancy Class at Baby Love

2010-06-09T13:03:00.003-04:00

FREE Healthy Pregnancy Class at Baby Love Store!
Learn about Healthy Pregnancies and Happy BIRTH-days!

Date: Saturday, June 19 2010
Time: 10:30 AM to 11:30 AM

Receive Samples, Coupons, and Handouts.
Enter to win Doorprizes!

Class topics include:
Making the most of your Prenatal Care,
Normal Pregnancy Changes,
Being comfortable in pregnancy,
Exerise, and Nutrition.

This is an introduction to The Bradley Method® only, not a complete series.

Please RSVP to reserve your space:

Email or Call Tracy at 954 699 6503

Bradley Natural Childbirth Summer Class Schedule

2010-06-09T12:44:00.004-04:00

2010 Summer Class Schedule

Series 1: Sunday, June 20, 2010 Time: 4:00 to 6:00 PM every Sunday
No class 4th of July

**Space available for this series**

Location: Baby Love Store

Series 2: Friday, July 9, 2010 Time: 7:30 to 9:30 PM every Friday
**Space available for this series**

Location: Sunshine Chiropractic

The Bradley Method® is a series of classes that teach natural childbirth and views birth as a natural process. It is our belief that most women with proper education, preparation, and the help of a loving and supportive coach can be taught to give birth naturally. Single moms and same sex couples are welcome. Anyone can be your coach- friends, family, or a professional labor doula.

The Bradley Method® teaches a system of natural labor techniques in which a woman and her coach play an active part. It is a simple method of increasing self-awareness, teaching a woman how to deal with the stress of labor by tuning in to her own body. The Bradley Method® encourages mothers to trust their bodies using natural breathing, relaxation, nutrition, exercise, and education.

Our classes also cover fun labor rehearsals, informed consent, birth plans, variations of labor, and interventions to help couples have the birth experience of their choice. We also include post partum care, newborn baby care, breastfeeding and an introduction to attachment parenting and baby wearing.
These small group classes provide individual attention to our expecting couples. Each class series will include a student workbook, access to my lending library and videos, games and prizes, demonstrations, guest speakers (including other Bradley parents sharing their birth stories) and discussion. Some of the classes include a video.

For a more complete list of Course Contents, see http://www.bradleybirth.com/CC.aspx

A snack will be served during the break.

Please dress comfortably and bring a pillow and blanket for relaxation exercises.
Twenty-four hour telephone support is always available to our students for pregnancy, labor, breastfeeding, postpartum, and new parenting issues.

Registration is going on now for August/September due dates and beyond.

Click here for more information about registration

Or Contact Us for further information.

Faith In VBAC

2010-04-11T10:41:00.000-04:00

Faith in VBAC

Author unknown (to me at least)

Just think for a minute. If you were in a terrible car accident and had to have a piece of metal removed from your leg, they would have to cut in to get it. Then they stitch you all back up. What do you expect the scar to do? Do you expect it to fall open when you start to walk? No? Well, okay maybe normal walking is okay, but what about running? Maybe running will cause it to fall open. No? Alright maybe not normal running, but I bet a marathon would cause enough pressure to just rip it open, right? Hmm… wait a second, maybe not. Perhaps if they hooked the repaired leg up to a machine that mimicked running, it could cause problems – especially a machine that pulled the muscle further than normal use would, that didn't do it “naturally” (kind of like Pitocin!). But for regular use, we expect ourselves to stay shut. We expect wounds to have healed. We expect normal function to be obtainable for straightforward injuries.

If we get a cut or have stitches anywhere else on our bodies, we expect it to stay shut. If we looked at the doctor and said, “I don't think this is going to stay shut,” they would be highly offended because we doubted their skill as a surgeon and we would be turning our noses up at our body's ability to heal and reams of scientific evidence that shows it does.

But then when we have a c-section, we look at that and think, “Oh no! This thing isn't going to hold!!!” Do you think the surgeon stitched you up? Do you think he/she is a skilled surgeon? If your old surgeon questions the integrity of your healing, then he/she is expressing a complete lack of confidence in his/her work. Point that out. They need to think about this. If your new OB or midwife is questioning the integrity of your womb, then they need to be confronted about doubting the surgical skill of your previous surgeon. If they doubt his/her skill that seriously, perhaps they need to express their concern to the medical board.

Anytime someone is stitched back together the ultimate goal is to prepare the organ or muscle or whatever to perform its normal function. I have had two c-sections. One was with my first and one was with my fifth. The rest have been HBAC’s. All my births up through the second c-section were to fairly tiny babies, weighing between 6.5 and 8 pounds. My sixth, the fresh VBAC who was testing out the surgeon's skill, was 11 pounds 4 ounces. I had some nifty pushing contractions. And I can compliment my surgeon for a job well done because her work held up under normal use. Giving birth is normal use, yes even when giving birth to an 11 pounder. It is exactly what the uterus was created to do. If we expect that a straightforward incision and stitching should restore other muscles to regular use, then why do we doubt the womb?

I will tell you what finally set my own mind to ease this last pregnancy because yes, for the first time ever, I was actually nervous about uterine rupture. My daughter used to play with my lower uterine scar; she would push and stretch and wedge herself in. She would shove her hands right under where my external incision scar was and do boxing drills. Maybe she could feel the ridge of my external incision? I don't know. But what I do know is that I felt very reassured that if she could do all that and it held together, then what was a little labor?

Here I am googling antral follicle count...

2010-03-26T17:59:00.002-04:00

and guzzling green tea. LOL

I'M PRETTY DARN HAPPY AFTER OUR RE APPOINTMENT TODAY!

So, Christopher and I went in for the consultation regarding trying to conceive our second child with our reproductive endocrinologist. I actually left feeling pretty positive.

And even more disgusted with our previous RE, famously known as Dr Creepy Skulker.

Let's back track a few days....

I had some Cycle Day 3 blood work and an AMH assay drawn on Wednesday. When I saw that she ordered the AMH, I cringed inwardly. This is the test that Dr Creepy Skulker was so proud of 2.5 years ago. (Let's go back to 2007....) He had been on the news about this cutting edge fertilty testing yada yada. AMH indicates the number of sleeping follicles in the ovary. This is a constant hormone that is released. Low levels indicate low or poor ovarian reserve. Hoever all the labs were quick to add fine print that this was not a diagnostic test. AMH testing was for research only. Well in 2007 my AMH level had come back as .075. That's extremely poor according to his scale. Dr Creepy told us that we would need IVF to conceive based on this AMH level.

Well, back then I wasn't satisfied with this test, especially based on my antral follicle counts and other hormonal bloodwork. So in 2007 we had gotten a second opinion with the good Dr G. She thought IVF was a huge leap considering we had gotten pregnant twice on our own without treatment. She discounted the AMH level as it was too new of a test and not really standardized yet. Also for my age, it wasn't an awful number any way.

Okay, back to today....

The results from Wednesday's draw were back today so Dr W was prepared to go over them.
My AMH level was 1.9. Um, anything over 1.0 is NORMAL!

In fact, that's great for an almost 40 year old! We would have expected it to be a little lower than the previous .75. Dr W was very happy with 1.9. Of course we had some questions about the accuracy of this or the previous test. She was quick to point out the the tests were analyzed at the same lab but that she did not know if the assay had changed in the previous two years. We repeated the AMH test again today just to be sure.

My FSH number was 6.3. This is also better than I had tested back in 2007. With Dr Creepy my FSH was running 7.9 to 8.3. My antral follicle count was 22 plus. (Amd yeah, not too shappy for a soon to be 40 yo.)

So overall the outlook is very positive. We have reason to hope that conceiving our second child could be as "easy" as before. Granted having two back to back miscarriages before Andrew was no picnic. But getting pregnant 3 times in 5 (non consectutive) cycles of actively TTC isn't anything to sneeze at. It was all the emotional turmoil and infertility testing between all those pregnancies (a year total of TTC) that was an ordeal.

The good Dr W wants me to wean Andrew before going on to any fertility drugs.

That's not happening any time soon if it all. My dream would be to get pregnant and Andrew naturally wean himself.

Any whoo, in the mean time we're going to do some "natural" cycles. But her use of natural is a little fast and loose.

We're gong to have timed intercourse with OPK. At the first positive OPK, I will go in for an ultrasound. If I have mature follicles, then I will trigger with Ovidrel. That will help me ovulate in a timely manner. We'll then do a post coital the next day and see what's going on. If we see low or no sperm, then Christopher gets to do a semen analysis later on.

We'll then do a progesterone test at 7 DPO to see how things went. Beta at two weeks.

So we have a plan to move forward and I can still breastfeed while TTC. For now. We'll have to make some decisions regarding that later on. I would much prefer to let him wean naturally with respect to his needs.

But there does need to be some balance. Isn't balance always the tricky part?

Too many c-sections? Giving Birth Safely - ABC News

2010-03-11T03:13:00.000-05:00

Giving Birth Safely - ABC News

Bradley® on ABC News Alternative Birthing Methods

2010-03-11T03:10:00.001-05:00

Alternative Birthing Methods - ABC News

Here are five popular natural ways to having a baby. You should, of course, ask your doctor if you are considering any of these natural methods.

Why are a growing number of mothers at risk during childbirth?
The Bradley Method
In this technique, women are encouraged to give birth in the presence of their partners, without the use of epidural anesthesia, intravenous drugs, surgery, or tools. The technique is taught in a 12-week class conducted in the last trimester of pregnancy.

HypnoBirth
HypnoBirth trains mothers-to-be to achieve complete relaxation during labor and delivery. The method involves courses with an instructor, along with home self-hypnosis exercises that teach women how to eliminate the pain of labor by staying completely focused and in control of the birthing process.

Lamaze
Lamaze is a birthing technique that emphasizes breathing. Women are generally taught to control their breathing, change positions and walk around at certain points during labor. Partners are also encouraged to participate in the delivery. While Lamaze is generally a natural technique, a woman can have an epidural if she feels she needs it.

Home Birth
As the name suggests, this technique allows you to give birth in the comfort of your own home. According to the American Pregnancy Association, home birth is not for you if:

• You are diabetic.
• You have chronic high blood pressure, or toxemia (also known as preeclampsia).
• You have experienced preterm labor in the past, or may be at risk for preterm labor now.
• Your partner does not fully support your decision to give birth at home.

Water Delivery
Some women may find that giving birth in a warm tub of water will help them relax and the buoyancy may help alleviate discomfort and pressure.

"Water delivery is not recommended for women with high-risk pregnancies and preparation should be made for delivery to occur out of the water if complications arise," according to the American Pregnancy Association.

Source: American Pregnancy Association

A great hospital Bradley birth story

2010-01-15T15:07:00.001-05:00

Natural Hospital Childbirth Story

Bradley Class Reunion...and then there were families!

2010-01-14T15:42:00.000-05:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

Labor Day Special Drawing for a FREE Bradley Method of Natural Childbirth® Class!

2009-09-06T13:53:00.004-04:00

That's a $170 value FREE!

My last Bradley® series I gave one couple a free scholarship to attend classes due to financial trouble. They paid for the cost of the workbook and promised to attend as many of the 12 week classes as possible. They turned out to be one of my best students.

It made my heart feel good to know that I helped someone that otherwise would not have been able to take classes. And as my husband says, "I helped save the babies." ;)

Since I still have an opening in my series starting September 20, I thought we'd offer a scholarship again!

Restrictions:

1. You must have an estimated due date after Dec 13, 2009.

2. You must be willing to attend as many of the 12 week classes as possible. The first class is September 20, 2009. The last class is December 13, 2009. No class will be held over Thanksgiving weekend. Classes are held on Sunday evenings in a chiropractor's office in Ft Lauderdale from 6 pm to 8 pm.

3. You must be willing to pay $30 to cover the student workbook and class materials.

4. Entry must be recieved by 8 am Monday, September 14. The winner will be announced that day.

It's simple to enter:

Tell me why you want to have a natural childbirth or remain low risk to avoid a cesarean section and how this scholarship for a free class will help you.

Please provide your name, contact information, and due date.

Either email me at tracy@ourbeautifulbirth.com or enter through my website's
Contact Us comment section.

Bradley Method ® New Series Update

2009-08-06T11:32:00.002-04:00

Announcing a new Bradley Method® series!

The Bradley Method® Classes will begin Sunday, September 20. We meet in the comfortable atmosphere of a doctor's office in Ft Lauderdale, FL. Class run from 6:00-8:00 pm. The classes are the standard 12 week classes consistent with The Bradley Method®'s proven system to get 86% or better unmedicated births.

Bradley® Classes cover:

•benefits of natural childbirth
•nutrition for mom and baby
•prenatal exercises
•how to remain low risk to help avoid a c-section
•prenatal care, testing and options
•hospital procedures and options
•relaxation and comfort techniques
•complications and unexpected outcomes
•breastfeeding
•newborn care and parenting
•positive communication
•consumerism
•cultural influences on birth

For more information about classes contact:

tracy@ourbeautifulbirth.com

Bradley Method® Update

2009-08-06T11:26:00.003-04:00

This week is class 7 of 12 in the current Bradly Method® series.

Our main topics will be writing your birth plans and having a fun advanced labor rehearsal with two local doulas.

I have 6 couples in the current series. Two are planning for a home birth and 4 hospital births. The classes are going well and the couples seem very excited to learn all they can before they meet their dear little one!

I'm thrilled to be sharing a small part in their preparation for one of the most joyous events in their lives.

I'm a Bradley Method instructor!

2009-05-22T15:03:00.002-04:00

I received my provisional certificate!

After having our own beautiful Bradley birth in November 2008, we were excited to share what we have learned and experienced with others. After extensive study and testing, we are provisionally affiliated with the Bradley Method. Provisionally affiliated means a period of student teaching with close supervision and weekly evaluations. After completing this period of provisional affiliation and taking the final exam, I will be certified with the Bradley Method. The Bradley Method requires on going education and training. We promise to give you the best childbirth education possible.

Here's my official Bradley website

and here's my personal website Beautiful Beginnings

The Bradley Teacher Training Workshop

2009-05-22T05:32:00.006-04:00

Orlando, FL

I promise there's pictures at the end.

Christopher and Andrew came up to the workshop with me. They were both invited to attend the workshop as much as they (really Daddy) wanted. The academy is very supportive of breastfeeding so they try to be accommodating to us young mothers.

Until I traveled with a 6 month old, I never knew how much stuff they required. Wowza. Daddy even disassembled and reassembled the jumperoo so Andrew could jump jump jump in the hotel room.

We rolled into Orlando around 1 am. I'm not sure what time it was when we actually fell asleep in our room at the Holiday Inn. But it was late. And the workshop started early at 8:30 am.

All three of us went down for registration. Margie and Jay greeted us warmly. We received our teacher materials, got our picture taken, and then it started.

Right away. My seat wasn't even warm yet.

A three page test!

I have to admit there were 3 vocabulary words that I had NEVER HEARD OF! What? I was completely stumped. I couldn't even come up with a guess at the definition. How could that be? And who is this Dr Barcia guy?

We then played some opening get to know you games which was a light hearted way to release some of the tension that test inspired. Andrew and Christopher participated too. We learned that there was another teacher candidate from the Homestead area (Yay, finally a Bradley teacher for Miami!) and several from West Palm Beach.

Margie then spoke until just before our lunch break. She and her husband, Jay have really made The Bradley Method their life's work. She told a really moving story about her first born son. They believe that the pain medication that she was given during labor affected him in a profound manner.

Remember that was back in the day of "knock 'em out, drag 'em out" obstetrics where the mother was given very strong anesthetics and the baby was pretty much forcibly dragged out of her. In many instances the mother might not even know her child had been born and most certainly could not hold her child immediately after birth because she simply was too drugged to do so.

Margie's son could not hold his head up at 3 months. He never crawled. He walked and talked late. He was labeled learning disabled in school. He couldn't read.

They were able to over come some of his disablilties and he eventually was able to attend college. He's now working in the IT field. Amazing story.

Well, the Hathaways eventually found out about Dr Bradley through a LLL meeting. They were all for having their future children without pain medication. Dr Bradley wanted them to come up from LA to Colorado 6 weeks prior to her baby's due date. Nope, couldn't do it. Not even 4 or 2 weeks. They ended up boarding a plane while Margie was in labor! They arrived in time for Dr Bradley to attend the birth.

They went back to LA with their precious family. They started training other teachers and working with hosptials to allow husbands in the delivery room. It was a very moving story.

The workshop was 4 days long, 8:30 am to 10:30 pm. Very long hours filled with amazing information.

Christopher enjoyed his daddy time with Andrew and the restaurant choices in Orlando. Pizzaria Uno and Chevy's are his favorites. We also ate quite a bit in the room thanks to our cooler and the hotel's refrigerator and microwave.
I never did master the in room coffee maker.

A total of 32 teachers were present, many with young babies. Out of those only 4 of us turned in our academic packages. Out of those 4, only 2 were deemed sufficient.

On Sunday, Margie announced we had 2 new Bradley teachers. My name was called! I'm officially a provisional (meaning student) Bradley teacher! Margie gave us some award prizes and a personalized signed copy of HCC. She said I would be listed on the national direction the next day.

Well it took two days, but here is the national directory link. I'm official!

Mommy getting some hugs from Andrew.

Daddy and Andrew studying.

Andrew made lots of new friends in the back of the workshop.

"This is MY book."

I'm getting my Bradley PR package after learning that I was accepted as a provisional Bradley teacher.

I learned so much during the workshop and am eager to attend it again the next year for a refresher.

And here's the more to come

2009-05-22T04:54:00.003-04:00

So in the beginning of March, I received my academic package from the academy.

Read Husband-Coached Childbirth.
Outline the entire book point by point with page numbers
Create a list of 20 Questions and Answers from the book.

Read Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way
Complete the enclosed book report form in essay.
Create a list of 20 Questions and Answers from the book.

Read Assistant Coach's Manual
Complete the enclosed book report form in essay.
Create a list of 20 Questions and Answers from the book.

Read the Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by LLL
Complete the enclosed book report form in essay.
Create a list of 20 Questions and Answers from the book.

Recommended Reading List:
Children At Birth
Obstetrics Illustrated
The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth
Metabolic Toxemia of Late Pregnancy
The Birth Book

Reports Due:
Two La Leche League Meetings
Two Hospital Evaulations
Observation of a Bradley Class including a written outline of the class material

Parent Education Survey of all resources and prospective providers in my area.

My goal was to complete all of that in 8 weeks so that I could turn in my academic package at the Orlando Bradley teacher training workshop on April 30. Oh yeah, do all that while being an awesome mother to my then 4 month old baby.

Huh.

I actually had 3 months AFTER the workshop to officially complete the work. But I knew that I wanted my provisional certificate ASAP so I could start teaching this summer. I had heard that if you turned in your package in Orlando, Margie Hathaway would grade it right then. Then she would give you the provisional status at the end of the workshop during a little ceremony. And that meant you are listed on the national Bradley Method directory!

So during my son's naps, between our Nova classes, his twice weekly physical therapy, and mother circle meetings, and in the wee hours of the morning, I completed the above required list. I also read two books from the recommended reading list.

And Andrew would probably say I was still an awesome mommy. Although he did learn how to type on my computer while sitting on my lap. "Oh, no! Andrew what did you just hit?" Thank goodness for the "Undo" button in Word.

The outline of HCC had 11,479 words and 30 pages. That was a monster to complete. But I learned so much by doing it that way. I had read an earlier edition of HCC the previous summer so most of it was a refresher in Dr Bradley's philosophy and method. Now I had a reference tool tool for myself whenever there was a question.

The rest of the package was much less stressful to finish. I admit that I was still printing out my reports and assembling my package two days before the April 30th workshop. Eep!

Next I'll tell you about the workshop and whether I "passed" my academic portion.

And so it's time to move in a different direction

2009-05-09T09:59:00.007-04:00

But still in pursuit of baby...

Sorry, I haven't posted much here after Andrew was born. It just didn't feel right. This is my "miscarriage/trouble trying to conceive then pregnancy after a loss" blog.

We have our family blog at http://christophertracyandourfamily.blogspot.com/ where I *TRY* to keep up with Andrew.

I miss posting here! When it's time to try to conceive number two (and yes, there's much angst about that!) I'll be back here with all the TMI you know and love.

So.

In February, I contacted the Bradley Method about pursing my childbirth educator certificate through them. After toiling over a very thorough application which included some essay questions and submitting my birth story, I got the phone call from Valerie at the academy saying I was approved! And not only did I get approved but she said my application was one of the most profession they had ever seen!

What a relief.

I had sweated over the dang thing, trying to make it just perfect. Unfortunately the formatting of the application left much to be desired so I ended up downloading a free trial version of Adobe. Ah, the extremes that I resorted to.

So that was completed! What did they have for me next?

I'll give you those details in my next blog post. More to come!

Mr Rolly Poly Andrew!

2008-12-27T03:58:00.001-05:00

He can roll!

Introducing SuperBaby!

2008-12-11T09:47:00.001-05:00

Andrew wants to thank his cousin, Amber, for the SuperBaby bib. She was so sweet to think of him!

Andrew's First Month

2008-11-30T20:19:00.008-05:00

...in pictures.

One Week Old:

Two Weeks Old:

Three Weeks Old:

Four Weeks Old:

Andrew's first bath!

2008-11-30T20:00:00.003-05:00

Okay, maybe the correct title should be "Andrew's first TUB bath."

Because believe me, he's been bathed since we got home. We just had to give him sponge baths until his belly button healed completely.

He loved his bath! He fussed just a second when we put him in but then it was like a day at the spa. He was quite happy and content. Hopefully bath time stays fun.

Thank you, Bonnie for his little blue tub and the teddy bear sponge. We're putting those both to use. And thank you to Grandma Pericht for the towel set.

Birth Announcement

2008-11-30T00:59:00.007-05:00

I'm thankful

2008-11-27T01:54:00.003-05:00

I'm thankful for God allowing me the blessing of being a mother to a wonderful little boy that I love beyond words. I'm thankful for his health and mine.
I'm thankful for my husband who is my strength and the love of my life. I can think of nothing greater than the joy of being partnered with this man and the life we created together.

I'm thankful for our familes both near and far. I thank God that my grandma and grandpa are both cancer free after battling it this year.

I'm thankful for all my friends, both IRL and those online. ((hugs))

Andrew's Birth Story

2008-11-17T23:13:00.004-05:00

At my appointment on Wednesday, November 29 my OB ordered a growth ultrasound because my fundal height was measuring large for 40 weeks and 1 day. At the ultrasound the baby was measured 8 pounds and 5 ounces. They expect a baby to gain approximately one ounce per day. Since this was making for a large baby, my doctor wanted to induce labor on Monday, November 3. I would be 40 weeks and 6 days.

The baby was monitored closely every 2-3 days with ultrasounds and Non Stress Tests. Everything looked good and there was no medical reason to induce, so we decided to wait. We used tools from the Bradley class to communicate our desire for a natural birth. My OB gave us until Wednesday night, November 5th for labor to start naturally. At that time I would be 9 days over due. That seemed like a reasonable amount of time considering many doctors like to induce between 40-41.

If I hadn't gone into labor by that time, the hospital would call when they had a room available for the induction. Since I had a low Bishop's Score at my last appointment, the plan was to start ripening my cervix with cervidil and then to start pitocin the following morning.

I really wanted to avoid an induction because of the challenges it would pose to having a pain medication free birth. Plus I wanted my baby to pick his own birth-day!

So we had our homework to do. We used acupuncture, pressure points, evening primrose oil and relaxation along with visualization in an effort to get labor started naturally. My husband and I started walking 2-4 miles every day. And we went with the old adage, "What gets the baby in there, gets the baby out."

Contractions started Wednesday evening at 7 pm. They weren't very strong but they were coming pretty regular at 10-15 minutes apart. Christopher and I went walking to see if the contractions would get stronger. After about 2.5 hours I called my doula to see what she advised us to do. Since the contractions hadn't gotten much stronger, she told me to eat something and try to get some sleep to prepare for a long labor.

At 11:00 pm the hospital called. They had a room ready for us. I finished packing, called the doula, and took a shower. Just after midnight, we left for the hospital. It was almost 1:00 am Thursday, when I got into the L&D room. My doula met us at the hospital to help get us settled. They drew blood and got my IV antibiotics started for the GBS.

The contractions slowed down a little which I know is common from the Bradley class. Being in a strange environment will often do that in early labor.

My nurse checked me and I was 4 cm already! Those contractions had been doing something! Since that drastically improved my Bishop's Score, cervidil was no longer needed to ripen my cervix.

The nurse said they would start the pitocin at 5 am. My doula left for a few hours to get some sleep at home. Christopher managed to nap a little on the fold out couch while I watched the clock.

At 4:50 am, I was dilated to 5 cm and they started the pitocin. The plan was to increase the pitocin every 20 minutes until the contractions were 2-3 minutes apart.

Because of the pitocin, they had to keep me on constant monitoring except for trips to the bathroom. My doula and Christopher were a big help though. The nurse let me walk around the bed, sit on the birthing ball, and sway with Christopher as long as the cords reached.

At one point, I got up out of bed to use the restroom. I guess when I got up, I had passed a large clot. My doula and the nurse were very concerned and asked about the amount of bleeding that I'd been having. Ever since the initial cervix check at 1 am, I had been bleeding some what heavily. Thankfully the bleeding slowed back down. But that was an excellent example of why you should wear a hospital gown to labor in.

At 9 am, my OB checked on me. I was 7 cm so he broke my water. There was light meconium staining. My OB said that was common when the baby is over due. My doula asked if I would still be to have the baby skin to skin immediately after delivery. My doctor said it would depend on the baby, but thankfully he didn't rule it out completely.

Labor wasn't that difficult for the next couple of hours. I spent a lot of time out of the hospital bed, swaying with Christopher. The doula would whisper into my ear just what I needed to hear and would massage my back. She kept reminding me to stay on top of the contractions by relaxing as soon I started to feel the pain start in my back.

The bed was pure evil. The contractions hurt so much worse when I was flat on my back. I didn't want to go there unless the nurse was going to check me.

At 11:00 am, I was 8 cm. Transition had officially started. The next two hours were rough. This is when time stopped for me. I would look at the clock and only five minutes had passed. I knew transition would be the most difficult time but also it's supposed to be the shortest period.

The contractions wouldn't go away completely during transition because of the pitocin. My doula said they would peak or double peak but never disappear like normal contractions during transition.

At 12:00 pm, I was dilated to 9 cm during a contraction. I was feeling more and more pressure. During this period, I kept wanting to go into the bathroom. Most of the time I didn't have to pee. I just had to get away. I felt like it was good to keep my bladder empty as possible though because of my Bradley training.

Chris was in charge of my IV pole and cords. It was a clumsy dance as we maneuvered around into the bathroom. My doula kept telling me not to push while I was in there. I knew she wanted to make sure that I didn't make my cervix swell by pushing before it was time. Whenever we would come out, they would ask if I had any contractions while in there. I would tell them how many that I'd had. Sitting on the toilet actually helped them not to be so painful.

Afterwards, my doula said she and the nurse talked about me going into the bathroom. The nurse was okay with it as long as I continued to have contractions and wasn't off monitor for too long. They knew that sometimes women need to go away where it's quiet and private to labor.

Around 1:00 pm, I was dilated to 10 cm with a small lip of cervix left.

Things get hazy at this point. I started to push and the baby's heart rate dropped down in the 90's for 3 minutes. They put me on oxygen and kept moving me around in different positions to get the heart beat up. The pitocin was stopped at this point and I labored with my own contractions. I wasn't allowed to push for 45 minutes. This was so difficult because with the contractions, my body wanted to push desperately. I would feel my muscles contract and it would take everything in me to relax. All I could do was try to breath deeply and listen to the doula's instructions. I had to give my baby oxygen.

I would go away in between contractions, almost falling asleep. I knew this was common from the Bradley classes. I just kept breathing deeply without panting. The oxygen mask made me feel like I was going to hyperventilate.

The nurses actually started prepping me for a c-section but no operating rooms were available. My OB was in surgery and couldn't get there for about 45 minutes.

When my doctor got there, they let me start pushing again. They told me to show the doctor what I could do, encouraging me to push with everything that I had. My OB said I had mad pushing skills. LOL I just wanted the baby out and safe!

Suddenly the room was transformed and nurses were every where. Later I found out that because we were expecting a big baby, the nurses came in to help get him out. My doula said if he was stuck they would have put their forearms on my stomach to push down.

With every contraction, I was pushing 2-3 times. Down and out. Please, baby be okay. Down and out. Breathe deeply, give the baby oxygen. Come on, contraction, let's go, give me another so I can push. Down and out. Breathe deeply, give the baby oxygen.

I felt the ring of fire that everyone talks about. It hurt but it didn't last very long. I didn't care, the baby needed to come out!

Christopher watched as his head came out and the doctor suctioned his mouth.
When the rest of his body came out, the cord was across his body with his hand on top of that. So every contraction was putting extra pressure on the cord which was the cause of his heart rate dropping.

He was born 11/06 at 3:11 PM, weighing 7 lbs and 15.51 ounces and 20 inches long. He scored 9's on both APGARS.

They put him on my chest immediately. That was what I had been waiting for! I didn't even notice his little cone head. I thought he was the most beautiful sight ever. Christopher, the proud poppa, cut the cord.

The baby nurse tried to snatch him from us but my doula said, "No, she's going to breast feed him." Pam, my doula, rocks!

Pam is also a lactation consultant so she was right there with us for the first breast feeding. She actually latched him on every time for me. All I had to do was hold him. She said it was great that I actually had colostrum for him already.

My right nipple was inverted so Pam met the hospital LC and got a nipple shield for me. I breast fed him for a little over an hour while the OB finished repairing my tears. At that point the nurse came back for Andrew and I let her give him his first bath and do his exam. Christopher watched over him like a hawk.

My doula put on gloves and helped me get cleaned up. It was nice to have a familiar person doing it instead of a strange nurse. She put me in a fresh gown and helped me to use the rest room.

The nurse made the comment that it didn't seem like I had only known Pam for two months. It seemed like we were long time friends instead. Pam said that was her goal, to be a friend. She was a crucial part of my support system. Christopher and I were so glad she was there for us.

We had a beautiful and happy ending to a year and a half long journey to become a family. We are completely and totally in love with out little boy.

Andrew has arrived!

2008-11-11T20:07:00.001-05:00

Andrew was born on Nov 6, 2008 at 3:11 pm, weighing 8 lbs and measuring 20 inches long. He has classic blue newborn eyes which is darker blue than Christopher and I have. He has a full head of blondish brown hair. It seems like the hair color keeps getting lighter and lighter.

I'll update the complete birth story soon!

Something going on here....

2008-11-05T22:08:00.001-05:00

The hospital hasn't called yet to bring me in for my induction even though I'm supposed to be on the schedule tonight. I'm hoping this is the real thing so we can avoid the induction and go on our own!

I've had contractions for the past 2.5 hours. When I started timing them they were 5-6 minutes apart but only 30 seconds long. They are still about 5 minutes apart and now close to 60 seconds long. I also have a backache that keeps coming and going.
We've been walking that entire time. They aren't really super painful yet as I can continue to walk through them.

I just called my doula and she suggested that I lay down to see if the contractions continue. If I fall asleep, that's good so I can get some rest. If this is real labor, I probably still have a long way to go yet. Most first time labors average 15-16 hours long.

I'd appreciate any spare prayers and good thoughts! Hopefully Patches will be born tomorrow!

On Stand By

2008-11-05T13:06:00.001-05:00

I don't like flying on stand by and I certainly don't like having a baby on stand by.

We're scheduled for an induction starting tonight but it's not a firm induction date. I'm not expecting a phone call until this evening if even then. The office manager at my OB's said they could call at 1 am if that's the soonest they have room for us. It all depends on how busy the Labor & Delivery floor is.

There's even a chance they won't call us until Thursday.

So we wait. And we're hoping and praying Patches decides to get started on his own before we get the phone call from the hospital. If I show up in labor, then someone else will get bumped to a later induction.

We'll update when we know something.

41 Weeks, 7 Days Over Due

2008-11-04T10:38:00.003-05:00

Apparently Patches has no calendar in there. He's late, he's late, for a very important date!

The baby is doing great according to the tests on Monday. He's just too comfortable and cozy in there to come out on his own.

We're trying everything we can to encourage him to come on out. But nothing is working.

I'm not really miserable either. I feel huge and getting in and out of bed is difficult. But I'm not overly anxious to be induced. I'd rather Patches pick his own birthday so it's easier on all of us. But we'll have to deal with what we're given.

We're still on standby for an induction starting Wednesday night. The hospital will call when they have room for us. And then we'll make our phone calls, texts, and emails.

If you have any spare prayers or good thoughts, we would appreciate them.
Patches has two days to make his appearance on his own.

Sorry for no update on Friday

2008-11-02T20:34:00.000-05:00

I never updated from my Friday appointment. I was kind of tired of thinking and worrying about it.

NST and ultrasound was great. I didn't have an internal exam but the ultrasound tech said the baby had dropped quite a bit and was glad she didn't have to measure his head because it was so low in my pelvis.

We got them to actually schedule an induction on Wednesday night, Novemember 5. We have to wait for a phone call from Labor and Delivery until the hospital has room for us. It can be any time of the day or night. And if they are too busy it will be Thursday. But at least I don't have to lie about something being wrong with Patches to get in and we have a few more days to go naturally.

I have another NST scheduled for Monday am.

I've been having some lower cramping today but nothing regular. We'll continue doing our two mile walks every day and see what happens. Christopher has been feeding me lots of spicy foods trying to get something going.

So come on out, Mr. Patches!

My "scheduled" induction

2008-10-30T00:12:00.000-04:00

I had my Non Stress Test today. They put two monitors on my belly. One is for the fetal heartbeat and the other measures uterine contractions. I was instructed to push a button every time I felt the baby move. This is printed out on a paper strip for the doctor to look at.

I don't think Patches liked the monitor very much. He moved and rolled around A LOT! His heart beat would accelerate every time he started his gymnastic moves.

The OB said it was a great strip and the baby is looking fantastic.

The ultrasound estimates Patches at 8 lbs and 9 oz (just a little above normal) with a head circumference of 14 inches(average for a newborn.) He's definitely put on some weight since the last ultrasound. Probably all that halloween candy.

They wanted to schedule me to be admitted Sunday night for an induction for Monday but the hospital says they aren't accepting any more on their schedule until next Thursday. My OB doesn't want me to go that long over due.

So the office manager told me to go to the hospital Sunday night and tell them I'm over due and haven't felt the baby move for a while.

They'll run a NST and tell me everything is okay and then call my OB. At that point he's supposed to tell them to keep me and start an induction.

We're both really uncomfortable with lying to the nurses in labor and delivery.

One, I've lost two babies. I don't like saying something is wrong with this one! Two, if I lie, it's going to be pretty apparent if the baby has a great NST like today's. Then the nurse is going to know something fishy is going on. I'm sure this is a common practice that OB's use to get their patients in the hospital door.

I may call tomorrow and talk to the office manager about this some more.

I really hope Patches shows up sooner than Sunday night so this isn't a problem!

I have another NST on Friday with a quick ultrasound.

Pray Patches gets moving out!

Baby Eviction Notice

2008-10-26T13:48:00.002-04:00

EVICTION NOTICE

Date: October 26, 2008
To: Mr. Patches

To the above tenant in possession of below described premises:

I am issuing a 3 day notice for EVICTION. You will have 3 days in which you can either gather your belongings and promptly vacate the premises, or wait until the final day. After which, you will be physically removed from the property.
You are being evicted due to breech of contract and destruction of property. Expansions only to the FRONT of the house, within reasonable limits, were discussed. Not only have these limits been exceeded, but additions to the back of the house were also made!
Remodeling and gutting of the home was never approved, nor was changing the initial layout and base structure. And due to property damage, there are now leaks in both the upper AND lower levels of the home. On top of which, the landlord has received numerous complaints about nightly disturbances.
After 3 days from this day that you don't comply with the notice will result in immediate and forceful removal at my discretion.

Thank you for your cooperation
Love,
Mommy

39 Weeks And Running Out of Time!

2008-10-23T17:55:00.001-04:00

I'm 2 cm dilated now and the baby has dropped a little to -2 station. I've been having a few cramps. So that's good news, a little more progress.

I have to go back to the doctor on Monday and we'll talk induction. Tuesday is my due date.

I really don't want the induction but the doctor keeps saying the baby is big and wants to induce before he gets even bigger. All he's doing is measuring the fundal height (tape measure to the belly). He's not feeling the baby or looking at the ultrasounds. I've gained 22 lbs.

The ultrasounds keep showing the baby in the 50% percentile, not big at all, just average. I'm a little frustrated because the fundal height could be bigger in part because I have a lot of amniotic fluid (high normal) according to the ultrasound.

The OB said that the ultrasounds could be up to 30% off so that doesn't mean anything. Well, the baby has measured on time or slightly behind at every single scan starting at 7 weeks. He's always been in the 50% range and that's been 5 different sonogram machines and 5 different techs.

The last scan Patches measured two days behind his Estimated Due Date and only 6 lbs 5 oz. That's only 7.5 to 8 lbs by my due date.

When I asked if we could do an Non Stress Test before we scheduled the induction, the OB said he wouldn't be the pregnancy police. But at the same time I think he's going to pressure us to schedule the induction. I understand not wanting to wait until I'm a week late but I want a few more days to get this baby out.

I have an appointment on Monday afternoon for acupuncture. I've been working the exercise ball and we went walking this afternoon at the mall. Maybe that will get something going!

38 Weeks

2008-10-16T17:56:00.001-04:00

Christopher was able to go to this appointment since he just happened to be off work that day.

When we got there, I noticed the lights in my doctor's exam rooms were all off. That's a bad sign, meaning he's not there.

When I came back out from giving the standard urine sample, (gotta love peeing in a cup 9 months pregnant but that's another story) the receptionist told me that my OB was in surgery and would not be back that morning.

We ended up waiting about an hour and a half when the ultrasound tech called us back instead of a nurse. I was surprised since we just had a scan the week before. The ultrasound tech told us that since the midwife was running so far behind, that she would do a scan to get the baby's heart rate. Who could turn down a free ultrasound?

She got a healthy heart rate of 133 bpm. She confirmed that the baby was still head down and showed us a the baby's face. She showed us his abdomen was moving in and out which is how he was practicing his breathing.

Then she moved the wand up by my ribs and found his little foot. It was so cute on the screen. That's what has been kicking me in the ribs! He also had his hand down there too like he'd been grabbing his foot.

The first picture is a profile of his foot, toes pointing to the right.

The second picture is the bottom of his foot, you can see all 5 toes.

We finally got to see the midwife a little later. She confirmed that I was still at 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. The baby is still at -3 station. She said that's a great place to be at 38 weeks.

So we wait for Patches to pick his birthday!

OB said, "Wow!" 37 week appointment

2008-10-08T13:24:00.001-04:00

I had a couple of minor scares today at the OB. First he had trouble finding the HB. I figured the baby was just in a weird spot because I felt him do a funny roll on the way to the appointment. He felt like he was up in my stomach all morning.

And then it's never a good thing if your doctor says, "Wow" during an internal exam. And that's all he said! I'm sure my eyes got huge because the nurse patted my arm.

Finally he said that he couldn't tell the baby's position. The doctor couldn't tell if he was feeling Patches' head or his bottom. And then he said that the baby was measuring BIG!

I was pretty much speechless, trying to process the possible change. The nurse was great at reassuring me. She remembers the previous miscarriages and knows all the worries that are automatically built in with this pregnancy.

I had to wait 30 minutes for an ultrasound. I tried to read in the waiting room but who can concentrate when you might be scheduling a c-section next. The tech put the wand on my lower belly and said, "IT'S A HEAD!" The baby is thankfully head down but he's all stretched out and floating up high. I guess that's why the doctor said he was big with just the fundal measurement on my belly.

I also have a lot of amniotic fluid, supposedly high normal. I'm not going to go down that google path since it can mean there's a problem. I don't want to know all the negatives at this point. I'll just go with what the u/s tech said, more is better than too little and it was just on the high end of normal.

He's measuring two days behind my EDD so he's not really big at all. She estimated his weight at 6 lbs 5 oz which is in the 50% percentile. Normal, Dr. S! Normal! Since the baby is supposed to gain a 1/2 lb a week, she guessed he would be 7.5 to 8 pounds at birth.

She printed out a picture for us. The baby kept yawning over and over. You could see his little mouth open and close. I guess we were disturbing his sleep with all the commotion. He also has a full head of hair. According to the tech, it's a lot of hair! Daddy might be jealous. ;)

She did kind of goof up by asking me what my other babies weighed at birth. I guess she saw this was my 3rd pregnancy but didn't catch the miscarriage part of my chart.

It's still hard to believe we could have a real baby here soon. And he's head down and measuring normally! Now if he'd just engage and give mom a chance to breathe.

36 week: 1 Down, 9 To Go!

2008-10-01T15:46:00.005-04:00

I had my weekly appointment today. While I was getting prepped (BP and weight check) the nurse said she felt sorry for me because I was getting my first internal check. She made it sound awful! LOL

The midwife took off her ring before putting on her gloves. I knew she was serious about this! She warned me that I would feel the pressure of the back of her hand and then she would turn her hand to check the dilation.

She coached me into postion, no more stirrups. I had to put my feet flat on the table extension. She said this is how I'll be checked during labor.

That first part wasn't really bad at all. The only thing that was uncomfortable was when she started pushing on Patches to determine what station he was at. I swear she pushed on his bottom and shoved him towards the exit like she was trying to get him out today!

I'm offically 1 cm dilated. Woo-hoo.

*Only* 9 cm more to go! That's how I'm looking at it. At least it was some progress.

My cervix is 50% effaced and posterior. The baby hasn't really dropped yet into my pelvis. He's at -3 station so that's pretty high up there.

The internal wasn't painful but I did start bleeding immediately. She said I handled the internal exam very well. It's all about relaxing and breathing. Even when it feels like she's reaching up to touch my lungs.

I'm glad my OB and midwife have small hands. ;)

35 week appointment

2008-09-24T17:23:00.000-04:00

Christopher just happened to be off work today because work was slow so he was able to go with me. It was nice because he hasn't been able to go with me since May.

They tried to get me to see the midwife because my OB was running behind. We decided to stick it out since I'm getting closer to delivering. I had just found out last month that the midwife no longer delivers babies!

I found out that I'm GBS positive so I'll definitely be toting an IV pole around with me during labor. My OB said they like for patients to recieve two doses of the antibiotics prior to delivery. He didn't think that would be a problem since I'm a first time mom.

But I still don't want to head for the hospital too early.

I've been so worried that the baby was going to breech or transverse since that's how he preferred to hang out. He'd settled down a little bit though. I've been trying to figure out what the movements mean and what the hard places are in my belly. I've been doing all these pelvic rocks and yoga poses that are supposed to help the baby get in the best postion. I've even been playing lullaby music on my ipod speakers down by my pelvic to draw him down. Last week, when I played the music for him for the first time, I felt a huge movement/roll as he moved toward the sound.

Today the doctor felt my belly very quickly, like just in two places after measuring and using the doppler. I asked him if he could feel the baby's position.

"Oh, yeah. He's head down, with his back along your left. Here's an arm and here's a leg."

I was so relieved! I think the music helped.
Hopefully Patches stays pointed towards the exit.

My BP and urine were okay which is always good news. I'm up 17 lbs for the pregnancy. I now go for weekly appointments. My first internal exam is next week.

At least the OB warned me.

Car Seat Inspection

2008-09-21T17:46:00.000-04:00

We got our car seat inspected over the weekend. The hospital does it monthly by appointment, free of charge.

We were supposed to show up to the inspection with it installed and the car seat direction book. So last minute, Christopher and I tried putting it in the night before.

We couldn't use the latch system in the middle because the anchor points were too far apart according to the directions. We read that AFTER trying for several minutes to get it tightened up enough.

The next option was to use the seat belt to latch the base in. However we couldn't find the locking bar necessary to use with our seat belt. It was supposed to be included with the car seat.

So Chris got it installed on the passenger side back seat. He did an awesome job getting it tight enough. We really wanted it to be in the center for safety but didn't know how to over come the seat belt problem.

When we got to the hospital, the women doing the inspection congratulated Christopher for getting the car seat installed correctly! Yay, we passed.

She then asked us if we wanted to try it installed in the center. We told her the problem with the anchor latches and that we couldn't find the latch bar to work with the seat belt. She quickly flipped the seat over and showed us where the manufacter's had hid the latch bar. Viola!

So she and Christopher got it secured in the middle with the seat belt locking it in tight. This pretty much requires two people to do it since our seat belt doesn't lock in place on its own. Chris said that base isn't getting moved for a long time!

Here we tested it out.

It's kind of strange to see the car seat whenever I turn around to back up. I can't wait until our little guy is here to get his first ride home.

Baby Care, Paper T Shirts, and BF in the OR!

2008-08-25T02:34:00.002-04:00

We had our baby care class today. The first part we watched a video and slide presentation. The video showed the parents right after delivery with baby being held skin to skin and being breast fed. I had to hold back tears! Darn pregnancy hormones.

Then she showed slide pics of an actual circumsion which was a little painful to see. My hospital doesn't use any local anesthesia for circs! They only give the babies 2 teaspoons of sugar water to help cope with the pain. WTH?

Then we played with some baby dolls, washing and diapering them! That part was fun in a weird way. We got lucky and scored a boy baby doll so we could practice cleaning him up correctly.

Our practice baby!

We got to see the paper t shirts that they give the babies to wear in my hospital. I kept picturing the thin white paper like what they use to line examination tables. This was actually heavier paper, kind of like the stuff they use for expensive paper napkins. It had a small piece of velcro to hold it closed.

Christopher holding the baby doll. The paper t shirt is blue and pink.

The nurse said that they want parents to bring in their own clothing for the baby so he will get used to what you'll be putting him in at home. That kind of makes sense. The paper shirt they provide is for immediately after birth when the umbilicial cord stump has iodine on it. I guess it's triple staining or something.

She was also a lactation consultant and told us that if we had her as a nurse for a c-section delivery, then she would do everything possible to get the baby skin to skin with you while in the OR and even attempt some breast feeding there. I was very shocked at that!

Without saying it, she let us know that not all others nurses would try it. But it's still pretty amazing that it's even a possiblity. Of course you might be so out of it after the c-section that it's impossible.

A Baby Shower...

2008-08-23T23:45:00.007-04:00

for us! It's hard to believe it's really time for our own baby shower. A special day to celebrate this baby boy.

Today when we woke up, Patches was kicking me like normal. I usually tell Christopher about it so he can get a quick feel while we're both right together.
Chris put his hand on my belly and shook it just a little saying hello. Then right as he placed his hand flat on the sweet spot, Patches gave one of his power kicks! (We're talking the kind that can move the remote control or whatever is resting on my tummy.) Chris pulls his hand back in surprise, saying "Wow, what do those feel like on the inside?!"

They feel awesome.

It was like Patches was telling us to come on, get up already! It's his big day, pre-birthday. We have things to do! It's baby shower time.

My sister in law, Caroline has been so supportive of us during the past year. She hosted the baby shower at her house. It was beautifully decorated and everything I could have dreamed for.

Christopher, Tracy, and Patches

Some of the party ballons.

This cute little guy was one of the ballon weights.

Some of the favors around the cake.

This cake was beautifully decorated as a baby carriage. It was a vanilla cake with a creme layer. The two wheels were chocolate cupcakes. "A Baby Is A Precious Gift"

Sister in law, Caroline with the beautiful cake. Her mom, Mrs. Ernst is looking on in the background.

We played some really fun games. The guys even enjoyed participating.

We were shown this tray for one minute. Then we had to write down all the items that we could remember. My friend, Bonnie won this one easily!

Then we played a baby word scramble game. Again Bonnie put most of us to shame. I think her youth helped her. My pregnancy induced attention deficient disorder gave me serious trouble! Who knew "rodeomothh" was motherhood and "unserry hemry" was nursery rhyme?

Bonnie, again a winner. This time of "Guess How Big the Momma To Be's Belly Is." The object was to cut a piece of yarn just long enough to wrap around my stomach at the biggest point. I dreaded this game a little since it basically makes fun of how big I am! But it turned out fun to play. Christopher (thank you, honey!) and the twin 6 year olds, Amber and Zachary were the closest after Bonnie. Everyone else had miles of extra yarn! Apparently I do look THAT big. :)

Christopher helping the twins, Amber and Zachary measuring and cutting their yarn.

Debbie, the official winner of the "Find The Baby Pin Game." There were 80 baby pins inside the bowl covered with uncooked rice. The object was to find as many pins as possible during one minute. It was a lot harder than what it looked like because the rice was bigger than the small pins. Debbie shifted through and found four. I found NONE!

Mrs. Ernst who finished second place after a tie breaker.

My mother in law, Margaret, playing the game.

My other sister in law, Alice.

Brother in law Steve who thought he had a plan to win.

Christopher finding two pins and managing to spill rice all over the floor!

Chef Christopher with his yummy lasagne! I know he won't let us starve after the baby is born.

We had lots of good food and good times. It was the perfect baby shower! I'm going to blame it on pregnancy hormones, but when I think back over the evening I start to cry. We enjoyed ourselves so much.

Thank you, Caroline for hosting it. And thank you to all those that came and for all the gifts we received. Patches is one lucky boy.

Enter to win free BG diapers!

2008-07-22T16:41:00.001-04:00

Follow the link to enter to win 12 Bum Genius Diapers

Baby Cheap Skate Giveaway 12 BG 3.0

Scrapbook Page

2008-06-28T16:51:00.004-04:00

How I'm announcing the sex to some family members!

My baby weighs over one pound!

2008-06-25T22:16:00.005-04:00

I had my 22 week follow up Level II ultrasound with the perinatologist today. Chris couldn't make the appointment because of work. I thought it would be fun for my friend, Bonnie, to come to the appointment.

We had to wait forever to get in to see the doctor. The waiting room was full which is unlike this doctor's office. I soon realized why it was so crowded. One girl brought her entire family and friends to the ultrasound. There were 4 other people with her!

Patches was kicking before the appointment started but he settled quietly in for the scan. I guess the sugar rush from the orange juice wore off! He's measuring a little ahead at 22 w 6 days instead of 22 w 1 day. His heart rate was 160 (maybe from the OJ?) so that again doesn't follow the old wives tale about high heart rates indicating girls.

They estimated the fetal weight to be 1 pound and 2 ounces. I was concerned that weight might be a little high from what I've read in the baby books but the doctor reassured me that it was completely normal. In fact Patches appears completely normal and healthy! Thank God.

Now for the pictures!

We got our first 3D picture of Patches. The tech couldn't get a real good view of him but you can see one of his arms up by his face and his nose and mouth pretty clearly. She told me that in 6-8 weeks the 3D would be closer to how he'd really look when he's born. Right now he doesn't have enough fat to fill out his skin so he's a little alien looking. But still cute in my opinion! :)

Here's a profile of Patches. His head is on the left and his little legs and feet are sticking up in the air. Probably getting ready to kick on mommy.

And just because Patches is an October baby, here's another face on shot where he looks like Skeletor. Tilt your head side ways. The top of his head is on the left and his eye sockets are above the bright spot which is his nose. His mouth is the black opening below that.

When we were looking at this angle, he opened his mouth really wide and then closed it like a yawn. It was super cute.

After the appointment, Bonnie and I went out to lunch before she had to get back to work. I cut one of the ultrasound pictures off the strip so she could take it with her. She usually sees Chris several times during the day so I knew she could give him the photo. I wanted him to get a surprise after a hard day's work and he'd have an excuse to show off his son! :)

I'm officially a midwife patient

2008-06-24T16:40:00.002-04:00

I've been seeing an OB but he has two certified nurse mid wives in his practice. They can deliver babies too, just no c-sections.

I love my OB. He was great during my miscarriages and when I had cysts and abnormal pap smear scares. I'll probably still see him from time to time. He's very reassuring and doesn't really rush too much.

Donna (the midwife) can take a lot more time for the appointments and doesn't brush me off if I have concerns. My OB loves to quote statistics which I appreciate with my google MD (ha ha) but we all know that stats don't really mean what will happen to us as individuals. If it was so easy to be on the majority side, we'd never had one miscarriage let alone more. And we wouldn't have infertility problems etc. Some stats are comforting but some just aren't.

The first time I saw Donna for this pregnancy, she practically read my chart from front to back. I have a huge chart as you probably do too. My OB always says my chart looks beat up and the nurse just this week mentioned that I have a big chart. Anyway Donna caught things in my history that I didn't even know and things that I'm sure my OB would have missed.

One example was that I'm GBS positive. It was found in my last pregnancy during a urine analysis. They can assume that from time to time I'll have that bacteria again. It's not a big deal and is pretty common but will require an IV of antibiotics before delivery. They normally do a swab once or twice during pregnancy to check for the bacteria. The swab is pretty invasive. Some girls report that they swab not just vaginally but rectally too! Eww.

So Donna noticed that I already tested positive and told me to remind them so I wouldn't have to be swabbed for this pregnancy. They will just assume that I'm positive. Anyone that looks for a way to save me a poke and prod is my kind of person. ;)

I have no problem with a male doctor. Not at all. Again, I love my OB and Chris does too. But there's something comforting when talking to Donna. She has a little better edge. She's had three pregnancies. She has all the female parts that my male OB can only quote stats about.

I may try to go without an epidural for delivery. Donna will be more supportive of that and allow me more time to do my thing. I may end up with an epidural. I may end up with a c-section by my doctor. Who knows. But I'd like to see what happens.

Donna asked me several questions regarding my vitamins, breastfeeding, circumsion, and birthing classes. She gave me a run down of my coming up appointments. I go back in 4 weeks (week 25 of pregnancy) and then another 4 weeks (week 29) will be my glucose test. After that I will go to appointments every two weeks starting at week 31.

So I've officially switched from my OB to a midwife. I'm borderline crunchy. :)

2008-06-21T21:00:00.000-04:00

This is XP from SAL so you may have read it already.

What a freaking day.

Our new bedroom furniture got delivered this afternoon. DH and I spent the entire morning taking down the old furniture and moving. I ended up helping lift a headboard bookcase that he couldn't handle alone.
Around 11 am I started getting sharp cramps. I worked a little longer and then gave up to rest on couch. I drank 2 bottles of water and started working on my a third.
Around 4 pm, DH told me to call my OB since the cramps weren't letting up. My own doctor wasn't on call so I spoke to another. That doctor said if it was bad enough that I called him, then I needed to go to the ER. I really wasn't expecting that. I thought my OB would just reassure me and give me some guidelines to follow if it got worse or didn't improve. I don't run to the doctor over every little thing and going to the ER was the last thing I wanted to do!
During the 30 minute drive I had 5 of the really sharp cramps. I had a couple more while we went through security and check in. I ended up being sent to L&D. That totally freaked me out. It felt so strange to walk through those doors into L&D triage. This isn't supposed to be happening until October! I felt like an imposter on that floor.
They had me drink 32 more ounces of water. The nurse had a hard time finding the heart beat with the fetal monitor because the baby is so small. She finally had to get the doppler out to locate him. Then she strapped me up to the fetal heart monitor and did a NST. They can't do a ffn test to see if preterm labor is likely to start soon until after 24 weeks. By that time I wasn't having any more intense cramps. They were just minor twinges. The NST strip just showed one contraction and some uterine irritability. My urine analysis came back okay as did the other tests.
They sent me home with the elastic strips that they use to hold the monitors on my belly. Whenever I come back (whether for another check or for the birth), I'm supposed to bring them along! They also gave me a sheet on preterm labor which basically said to do what I did. You're supposed to lay down on your side, drink 2-3 glasses of water, and call if you don't feel better in an hour. Well, I had waited 5 hours at home but I didn't rest the entire time. She told me not to feel bad for coming in, that it's better safe than sorry. I still feel kind of bad. If I had just waited another hour, the cramps would have gone away.
So, I'm supposed to take it easy, stay hydrated, and only supervise any more work on our bedroom. I follow up with the perinatologist on Wednesday. I want them to measure my cervix because they did not do that today at the hospital.

Pineapple Stuffed Jerk Chicken

2008-06-19T20:14:00.003-04:00

I used MS Every Day Food's recipe for Pineapple Stuffed Jerk Chicken .

I used fresh pineapple instead of canned and I cut the recipe in half since it's just the two of us. I kind of wish I'd made a full batch and froze half! Also I cut the jerk seasoning in half and probably could have quartered it as I didn't use it all. I didn't want to make it too spicy since I wasn't familar with it.

Ingredients
Serves 8
2 tablespoons dried thyme
2 teaspoons ground allspice
1/2 to 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
3 tablespoons sugar
Coarse salt and ground pepper
2 cans (20 ounces each) pineapple chunks in juice, drained
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
4 scallions, thinly sliced
8 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves (6 to 8 ounces each)
3 tablespoons vegetable oil, such as safflower
Cooked rice, for serving

Directions
In a small bowl, combine thyme, allspice, cayenne, 1 tablespoon sugar, 1 teaspoon salt, and 1/2 teaspoon pepper; set spice mixture aside. In a medium bowl, stir together pineapple, lime juice, scallions, and remaining 2 tablespoons sugar. Season stuffing with salt and pepper, and set aside.
Lay chicken flat on a work surface. With a paring knife, cut a 2-inch-long slit in the thick side of each breast; insert knife, and pivot inside chicken without enlarging opening, carefully forming a deep pocket (make sure not to pierce the opposite side). Dividing evenly, tightly pack each breast with stuffing; rub exterior with oil, and sprinkle with spice mixture.
Heat broiler, with rack set 4 inches from heat. Line a large rimmed baking sheet with aluminum foil; arrange chicken on sheet. Broil until chicken is opaque throughout and an instant-read thermometer inserted into stuffing reads 165, 15 to 20 minutes. Serve stuffed chicken with rice.

Helpful Hint
To freeze: Arrange on a baking sheet (they should not touch); freeze until firm, about 1 hour. Wrap each in plastic, and place in a resealable freezer bag; freeze up to 2 months. To broil from frozen: Unwrap chicken and proceed with step 3, broiling about 40 minutes, turning chicken over halfway through.

Sweet and Sour Pork Chops with Fried Rice

2008-06-19T13:04:00.003-04:00

Unfortunately, I forgot to take a picture last night so all I have to show you are leftovers. We ate up all the good veggies (snowpeas and baby corn).

SWEET AND SOUR PORK CHOPS
based on a recipe from www.cooks.com

2.5 lbs pork chops
1 large onion diced
approx 1/2 of a fresh pineapple cut into chunks, reserve the core (orginal recipe said to us 20 oz of canned pineapple)
1/2 cup vinegar
1/2 cup brown sugar
4 tablespoons soy sauce
1/2 teaspoon ginger
1/4 cup cornstarch
1 1/2 cups water

1/2 green bell pepper
salt and pepper, to taste

In a dutch oven or large skillet, brown the pork chops. Add onions, juice from the pineapple and core, vinegar, soy sauce, sugar, ginger, salt and pepper.
Cover pan and simmer for 1 hour or until pork chops are tender.
Set pork chops aside. Discard the core.
Combine cornstarch and water, then stir into pan; add bell pepper, and chunks of pineapple. Bring to a boil and cook until sauce has thickened to desired consistency. Add pork chops and cook until heated through.

Serve over white rice, pasta, or noodles.

Fried Rice
Adapted from a Martha Stewart Every Day Food recipe

Serves 4

2 bags of Uncle Ben's long grain rice boil in a bag (original said to use 1 cup long-grain white rice)

some of the above pork cut into small pieces. (The original recipe called for 2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts, 12 ounces total)

Salt and freshly ground pepper
1 tablespoons vegetable oil
2 large eggs
2 scallions, trimmed and thinly sliced on the diagonal
1 teaspoon ginger
1/2 cup diced red or green bell pepper
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1/2 teaspoon sugar
1/2 cup homemade or low-sodium store-bought chicken stock

1 small bag of frozen veggies such as snow peas, baby corn, carrots, green peas

Directions
Cook rice according to package instructions; set aside.

If using chicken: Pound breasts with a mallet until 1/4 inch thick. Cut into strips (each 3 inches long and 1/2 inch wide). Season with salt and pepper.
Heat 1 tablespoon oil in a medium nonstick skillet over medium-high heat until hot but not smoking. Cook chicken until just cooked through, 3 to 4 minutes. Transfer to a plate.

If using cooked pork skip above and cook the egg first.

Reduce heat to medium; add one tablespoon oil. Add eggs; just as whites begin to set, stir to scramble. Add scallions and ginger; cook 1 minute. Add reserved rice and bell pepper; cook 2 minutes. Stir together soy sauce, sugar, and stock; add to skillet. Add reserved chicken or pork; cook until heated through, about 3 minutes. Toss with cooked veggies.

Patches has stuff!

2008-06-19T10:41:00.007-04:00

The first thing I received (and the only thing I got for Mother's Day!) was from Stephanie. It was very special that she sent me something. And I appreciate it even more so because of what she was going through herself. She sent me a cute Mother To Be card and a great story book for our baby. That was the first book we read out loud to Patches at bed time. Hey, the baby book said baby could hear by then!

At our big ultrasound at 18 weeks, we found out we were having a boy. So right after the doctor's appointment, we went shopping to celebrate. JCP had Carter's onsies on sale for $3 a piece. Here's a picture of the four that we bought that day. Patches has clothes! It's official, we're expecting to have a baby boy in October!

My new friend Jeanette,sent me some cute little things for Patches and a ton of maternity clothes. She said that she had one outfit and ended up sending two jackets, three shirts, two dresses, and a jean skirt! WOW! I was overwhelmed.

Jeanette sent a nice card, a Just Add Milk onsie, a cow finger puppet, a waterproof pad, and What To Expect The First Year. Everything was so cute perfect!

I'm very thankful of those things that have been sent to us. And most importantly for this little baby growing inside me.

Hopefully a preview of what's to come in October...

2008-06-19T10:11:00.008-04:00

This is Christopher holding his not even two month old nephew, Zachary, back in 2002. Isn't it cute? A big guy with a little baby. Zack looks comfortable but Chris is questionable. Actually he's doing pretty good holding a newborn. Babies are pretty scary after all. :)

I'm sure when it's our own son, Chris will get the confidence and be holding him like a pro in no time. He's already being a great daddy to our little one. He loves to talk to Patches and even read to him his first bed time story.

Just to flash forward from the first picture, here are the twins Zachary and Amber playing on Mother's Day 2008. Zachary is so tall that he looks like an 8 year old! Until he talks, and then you know he's all 5 year old. ;)

Mother's Day is when we told Christopher's entire family. We were at the Sea Watch restaurant which is right off the intercoastal. The restaurant is has wonderful sea food and the views of the water are awesome.

Here's some pictures from that day.

The family enjoying the ocean air behind the restaurant after lunch.

The view from the front of the Sea Watch.

Some of the seating is open but you still get great views from the enclosed areas plus air conditioning! Chris is here holding my purse. What a guy. He wouldn't do that 5 years ago.

Tag, I'm It!

2008-06-04T07:59:00.004-04:00

I've been tagged by Stephanie, who is a great friend that I *met* a year ago. We've never met in person but we talk several times a day. She's been there for all my highs and lows. I hope Stephanie has more high points in her life than low ones. But I'm here for her through them both.

Back to the game of tag. As It, I have to write a six word memoir... a Meme. From Stephanie's blog... "The Meme originated over an idea that was prompted by the book written by Larry Smith and Rachel Fershleiser, Not Quite What I was planning: Six Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure. It's a compilation based on the story that Hemingway once bet $10 that he could sum up his life in six words.
His were- "For Sale: baby shoes, never worn."

I was married for eight years in my 20's. I got divorced, moved 1300 miles away,got a new job, met Christopher. And a few years later fell in love with him and got married. We got a late start to building a family.

A year after we got married (ok, it was only 10 months!) we started trying to conceive a little one. We did. Twice in fact, from March to August of 2007. We lost both babies. In an unexpected turn, this brought us closer and made our love stronger.

Now, I'm 19 weeks pregnant with a little one that we hope will be our first born child. I'm amazed by Christopher's strength and dedication to us, our family.

Late start, stronger love with family.

Okay, now it's my turn to tag 5 others. They in turn are supposed to continue the game by writing their own Meme and tagging five blogs each. Sorry, sweet things, you're now It:
Darreth, kekis, Katie, Just a girl in the South, and Brandy.

The Big U/S: And it's a...

2008-05-28T16:20:00.008-04:00

...healthy baby!

I'm 18 weeks and 1 day today and so far the baby looks perfect. The u/s tech was a sweet heart. She started off by asking that if she got a good shot did we want to know the sex of the baby. We laughed and looked at each other. It's been an on going debate. Do we want to know? Would a complete surprise be better? Or would knowing so we can buy gender specific clothing and nursery items be better? If we find out, are we going to keep it a secret from friends and family? We told her that we did want to find out. We decided to try to keep it a secret from family and friends. I'm not sure if we can do that or not! Chris isn't very good with secrets. :)

So then the u/s tech asked Chris what he thought the baby was. Chris has been saying girl all along. I went with that at first but the past month or so I've really thought it was a boy. So one of us was bound to be correct! The tech asked if we had any bets riding on the sex of the baby. Chris is a little gun shy on bets right now after losing two in a row. (Ask him about the words to Hang on Sloopy and what color Charlie Brown's shirt is. One of those got me a vacation in the Keys and one a dinner and I movie!) The tech tried to goad him into taking a bet but he wouldn't budge. She said that she would save that and tell us at the end of the scan.

The baby was sitting on it's bottom in a breach position. We didn't see the baby moving around so I didn't relax until she dopplered the heart. That's aways a sweet sound no matter how many times you've heard it. 143 bpm. That's about what I get at home, usually around 149 or so.

She started first by measuring the baby's brain, upper lip, and heart. The heart took some work to get a view of all four chambers because one of the baby's arm was creating a shadow. According to the tech, the baby had it's hands together like it was praying. I had trouble seeing that but I'll take her word for it. She tried all kinds of different angles and finally jiggled my tummy. She said, "Come on, baby, this is war!" We all started laughing. But I felt bad for the baby! If it was sleeping, who were we to disturb it?

She then checked both arms and legs, measuring the bones. She also checked to make sure the feet were straight. I'm glad she told us what she was looking at because most of the time I didn't have a clue. But I did catch a peak at what looked to be between the baby's legs. It pays to look at other people's ultrasound pictures online! I didn't say anything though because Chris was enjoying the show.

She checked the baby's stomach, kidneys, and bladder. Blood flow looked good. The baby measured normally at 8 ounces.

She then said that she'd get us some profile shots and the gender. She put it on 3d a few times but wasn't happy with the views. The baby isn't really filled out yet so she said it would look better in a few weeks. Chris was happy with one of the
3d pics but she questioned him and then didn't print it for us.

She gave us what she called the baby's first porno shot. I wasn't thrilled with her calling it that. But actually when people say money shot, it's also a porn reference. Yech.

Here's the pics! Can you tell what the baby is?

IT'S A BABY BOY!!

So then the doctor came in and reviewed the ultrasound pictures and we got another mini scan. This time the baby had flipped head down. How come the baby will never move on the screen? I had even drank some orange juice on the way down to the doctor's office. The doctor said the baby looked perfect! He didn't see any soft markers for genetic problems. Since I'm 37, he spoke to us about having the amnio.

According to the NT scan and bloodwork my risk for the baby having downs syndrome is 1 in 890. So that's good considering for my age the risk is 1 in 140.

According to my age the risk for having a baby with other genetic problems is 1 in 89. That's scary but it's still not that high, 1.1% chance. For 89 babies, 88 will be healthy.

The risk of miscarriage for the amnio is 1 in 200. If we had seen something that was a soft marker for a genetic defect, then we might have proceeded with an amnio. At this time, I don't see any reason to risk a potentially healthy baby to a miscarriage from the amnio. We wouldn't terminate the pregnancy any way. So the doctor had me sign my refusal to the amnio. He wasn't intimidating about it, just matter of fact. He did stress that at this time the baby showed no signs of any problems. So we're going with that!

I do have another Level II ultrasound scheduled with this same specialist in 4 weeks. The baby will of course be bigger then so a more thorough scan can be done. At 18 weeks today, it was still on the early side for the anatomy scan. So I get another treat at 22 weeks.

Crying and Laughing...

2008-05-16T13:16:00.003-04:00

Tuesday I went in for the second blood draw for the integrated screening. Basically this combines the results of a first trimester blood draw, the NT scan, and another blood draw in the second trimester to provide the risks of several genetic defects. It's a screening, not a diagnostic test. It has a much lower false positive rate than just the blood draws separately. I felt this was a good initial step for us to take because at my "advanced maternal age" many go straight for the amnio. The amnio carries a risk of miscarriage (perhaps 1 in 200) which was something I would rather avoid after having lost two babies due to miscarriage.

After the blood draw, the nurse said she would be calling me with the results in 3-5 days. That made me nervous and excited all at once. Originally I was led to believe that I wouldn't get the final results until my big ultrasound and genetic counseling on 5/28. I worried that if I got the results early and they were bad, I would have to another 12 days of torture for my actual appointment and ultrasound. On the other hand, if the results were good I would have a little more peace of mind the next two weeks.

This morning was the third day after the blood draw. I was downstairs listening to the baby's heartbeat on the doppler.

I thought I heard my phone ringing upstairs over the whooshing of the baby's heartbeat. I RAN upstairs. I missed the call but it was just from my dermatologist. As I was listening to the voicemail, the phone rang again. This time it was from the perinatal center. Thank God I got the first call so the phone was in my hot little hands already. That was one phone call I wanted to take live and in person.

I'm crying and laughing and thanking God all at the same time!

The perinatal center had the integrated screening results. The baby is screening negative!

The risk for down's syndrome is 1 in 890.
For my age (37) the standard risk is 1 in 140 so we beat those odds!

For trisomy 18, the risk is 1 in 10,000.

For neural tube defect, the risk is 1 in 3,000.

I know it's not a guarantee but those are all good numbers for my age!!
They consider 1 in 300 a "positive" screen.

Woohoo! Thank God.

Now we'll see how the baby looks at the big anatomy scan on 5/28. I'm praying that there are no soft markers or other problems and we can be reassured that the baby is healthy.

I will soon be unemployed

2008-05-15T13:50:00.000-04:00

And I guess it's a good thing. I'd rather keep working but my employer is unable to accommodate our need to work locally.

My husband and I drive a tractor trailer for a living. We have a scheduled run from south Florida to Atlanta five days a week. It's 7,000 miles of driving every week with no time off or at home. We're constantly moving.

My OB has been okay with me driving as long as I promised to get up and walk every two hours. Pregnancy is a state of hypercoagulation which means blood clots are more of a risk. Add that to me sitting 11 hours a day and you have a risky situation. My OB stressed this to me, reminding me of the NBC news correspondant, David Bloom, who died while riding along with an infantry division heading to Baghdad. I had just watched a television documentary on the initial days of the Iraq war and I remembered his story.

It's been a struggle to stop and walk every two hours because of the tight schedule we're required to keep. It's been more of a strain on Chris because he's had to do more of the physical work than before. He's also been driving a larger share of the miles because I'm so tired. Obviously we couldn't continue doing this job forever. Eventually we need to be home for the baby! We've been trying to ask for different jobs for over 8 months. For one reason or the other (all legitimate) our manager has asked us to continue to do the run until the timing is better. Well with the economy, the timing isn't going to get better for a long while.

After my 15th week OB appointment, we decided to speak with our terminal manager again. This time I needed a firm date to stop driving. I had hoped to get an office position. I had done that part time four years ago when I drove locally so I definitely had the experience. But did they have an opening?

So we had the sit down with our manager. He congratulated me when I told him I was pregnant and would need to stop driving that run soon. He of course figured something was up with all the doctor appointments that I had. I actually told him that I had two miscarriages over the last year for some reason. My voice broke! That's the first time I've told anyone out loud other than very close family. I just didn't want him to think I'm a sickly person and normally needs a lot of time off. That last year has been the exception for my normal attendance.

There's a hiring freeze right now that actually may last until the end of the year. He can't create an office job for me, said he was sorry to lose a good driver but with the economy as it is there's just nothing he could do. I understand that and expected it. May 31st is expected to be my last day.

As for Christopher, the manager has been trying to create a new nightly run for a while. He's going to work on that and try to get two city drivers to take over our run. So hopefully Chris will either have a night job driving about 430 miles or he'll work in the day making city deliveries. If they can't find someone to take the job from the city, then Chris may be out of the job too. The night job would pay better plus it's less physical work.

Chris told me that he didn't want me to work any where else so that's a relief in part. If he doesn't get to keep his job then that may change. Now we wait and see.

We're prepared financially. The plan is for me to be a Stay At Home Mom. I guess now I'll be a Stay At Home Baby Grower. It's still intimidating though to think that I won't have a job for much longer. I've been working since I was 15. I've never depended on anyone else. A baby brings big changes!

15 Week Appointment

2008-05-05T20:11:00.002-04:00

TMI time.

At my initial OB intake appointment it was discovered that I had a bacterial infection. They didn't inform me of it until I made an appointment at 12 weeks. Normally they wait to treat this infection until the second trimester just to be safe. I got a one dose treatment but was advised to stop the progesterone suppositories cold turkey. That was my security blanket! I had planned to wean off the suppositories because I didn't want to see any spotting.

One in four pregnant women will get bacterial vaginosis so it's pretty common. It's actually more common than a yeast infection. BV carries an increased risk of miscarriage so I of course freaked out. I'm not really familiar with "normal" pregnancy discharge because I was on progesterone suppositories for the first 12 weeks. I started seeing more white discharge and worried that the infection was back. With the infection the first time, I had no red neon flashing sign symptoms which can also be common.

My OB thinks that I just have a yeast infection. I swear that man loves stats. "15-20% of women treated for bacterial vaginosis get a yeast infection afterwards" I told him I was concerned since BV is associated with a higher risk of miscarriage. He told me that didn't cause my other miscarriages. Sigh. I *know* that but I'm worried about THIS pregnancy. He reassured me that I can call him any time I have a question.

I asked him if they would measure my cervical length at the level II ultrasound at the genetic counselor's. He said they would, but how did I know about that. I told him too much time on the internet. :) I was a little concerned after having all the infertilty/Recurrent Pregnancy Loss testing procedures (SHG, HSG, EMB, IUI) in such a short time plus I've had cervical biopsies in the past for HPV. Then he tells me that cervical length didn't cause my other miscarriage either. Right, but about THIS pregnancy? He told me D&C are used for birth control in Russia and they don't have a higher rate of miscarriage so he doesn't feel that those procedures which dilate the cervix affect cervical length very much. Threw some more stats in. Mentioned that I can call him with questions again.

He used the doppler to hear the baby's heartbeat. He didn't tell me the heart beat rate today and for some reason I didn't ask. Chris and I just looked at each other like smiling fools while we listened. Then he measured the fundal height for the first time ever. I was nervous about how that would go down with me being overweight. He said it was *perfect.*

So far I've gained 4 lbs. I wish I'd kept it lower but I had a pig out week or two in between appointments that included McDonalds and donuts. I know I'm not eating for two but it's still nice to indulge in a craving as long as the weight is okay. My breasts could easily be those 4 pounds that I gained. Seriously, porn stars would be jealous that I got these big boobs for free. ;)

My OB was so nice and talked to us for a long time. Including about me still driving the truck. Mentioned I could call him any time at least twice more. LOL So it was a good appointment but I would have rather left with another RX for the bacterial infection just to be safe. My OB was really nice about it all but as soon as he left to look for samples of YI cream, I asked Chris if I really sounded like a paranoid freak.

I mean, I must sound like a paranoid freak or my OB has ESP because I THINK like a paranoid freak most of the time. FYI: Two miscarriages in a row will definitely put you on the paranoid side of the fence.

Big Milestone! NT Scan

2008-04-18T13:56:00.008-04:00

This day has been a big worry for weeks. Time for the NT scan. And I had to do it all alone. Chris is 700 miles away. We said goodbye last night and I cried like it was going to be a month apart instead of 2 days. I really depend on his support. Chris told me it was in God's hands and we'll be okay. He's been through pretty much every medical fertility related procedure that I've had in the past year. And trust me, that's a lot of sitting up by my head time.

Is the baby going to still be alive? Is the baby still growing? Is the baby going to be healthy? Are we going to be the typical family of my dreams? Will they tell me the NT measurement? Will the measurement be normal? Will I get ultrasound pictures? (Not high on my priority list, but it was high on Christopher's since he couldn't be there.)

My OB sent me to a perinatal specialist for my Integrated Screening. This means that I will get a blood draw and ultrasound between 11-13 weeks. A second blood draw is taken during during weeks 16-18. Then all three results are combined (integrated!) and we get a final result. This screening has a 92% accuracy in detecting down's syndrome. The other trisomy disorders are slightly lower. It has a 5% false positive rate. If the risks come back high, then we may consider an amnio. I worry about the risk of miscarriage so we're going through this screening first.

Everyone at the perinatal office was nice. And of course the waiting room was full of couples. They took my blood first and the nurse explained the testing that I was getting. It's the integrated so I won't get any results until after the second blood draw at 16 weeks. I asked if I would get the NT measurement and she said no, but I would get u/s pictures today. (Chris would get to see too!)
That left me kind of sad that it would be such a long wait for any of the results. I thought maybe I could catch a glimpse of the measurements on the ultrasound monitor or just ask/beg/plead with the tech.

The u/s tech was a very sweet lady. My first external ultrasound. YAY! No dildo cam. AND they didn't make me go with a full bladder. Nice people, I tell ya.

My hope of seeing the measurement on the screen quickly vanished. The monitor for the mother was far away on the wall. Nice flat screen TV but it sucked for my spying efforts. I even wore my glasses instead of my contacts just so I could have a better chance to see the numbers. At that distance I would have needed binoculors.

She changed the views a couple of times. I saw the baby but I didn't see any movement. I was getting ready to ask if the baby was alive. She probably would have thought I was crazy. Then she let me listen to the heartbeat! What a relief. I should have ate some breakfast. Maybe the baby needed some sugar to get moving.

I got to see all the body parts and she told me everything that we were looking at. Little arms and legs, the stomach, the spine. She showed me one of the hands as it was up in the air waving at us!

At the end she told me everything looked great for 12 weeks. She still had the measurement screen up and I asked her what the NT measurement was. She pointed it out and said 1.43 was great. They look for under 3. Whew! I didn't have to beg, cry, or get angry to get the results. I wanted to hug her!

I couldn't even wait until I was out of the office building before calling Chris. As soon as I hit the hallway, I hit speed dial. "Patches is doing great!"

The baby measured 12 weeks 2 days with a 157 HB. I should be 12 weeks 3 days so the baby is measuring pretty close. I have a face on skeltor pic and one decent side profile view. It's not as clear as what we saw on the screen though. But it's a baby!

Profile

Heart beat and profile of baby

Skeletor Patches ready for Halloween!

I love my OB but..

2008-04-14T13:07:00.001-04:00

I think I really really love the CNM (Certified Nurse Midwife) that works with my OB. Wow. She totally impressed me today with the amount of time she spent with me.
First the nurse just took my weight and blood pressure. The nurse didn't pre-interview me at all. You mean I don't have to tell my story twice? Nice.

Donna (CNM)came in and was very pleasant and asked how I was doing. She mentioned that it had been a long time since she'd seen me and acted very glad that I was back. She started paging through my chart, taking the time to completely read the letter of transfer of care from my RE. She asked if I was still on the progesterone suppositories. Donna paged back several years in my chart. She asked me how many ultrasounds that I'd had. With this pregnancy just 4 at that time. She's like no, how many over all? I told her too many of just my ovaries before I got pregnant!

She told me that I wouldn't need the GBS culture during this pregnancy because I'd tested positive for it at a urine screen last year. First I ever heard of it. Now I have a feeling that's something that would have been normally over looked and later I would have been swabbed in places that I'd rather not.

She found the heart beat on the doppler and let me listen to it for a minute. She said there's something wonderful about hearing that sound for the first time. I have to agree!

She answered all my questions and listened to my concerns. She explained my next several appointments with the perinatal specialists and told me what to make sure I got scheduled for. Donna told me it was time to stop my progesterone supplements. That's a big step! No more security blanket.

When she was finished, she made the copy of my prescription herself so I didn't have to wait in line at the front desk check out. She told me that she was very happy that this pregnancy was working out for me. I could tell that it was a very genuine sentiment. Love her!

So now the decision. OB or CNM?

I've always tried to go out of my way to schedule all my appointments with the OB. I have a lot of confidence in him and he's always taken time to answer my questions and be reassuring. He got me through two rounds of cervical displasia and ovarian cysts that hung around for 8 plus months. He's extremely well respected in the community. He's the OB that other doctors send their wives to.

The amount of time that Donna spent with me just blew me away though. I think she would be very supportive of an unmedicated birth which is what I would like to try. I think she would be willing to give me time to do my own thing and not be in a rush to medically interfere.

I think I'm going to switch my next regularly scheduled appointment to Donna. I'd like Chris to meet her too. Chris really liked my OB so we'll see how he feels about Donna. I'll probably go back and forth a little. But I think Donna maybe my main practioner. The office is connected to the hospital that I'll deliver at so both the OB and the CNM are close at hand. The only big difference is that the OB can do c-sections while the CNM can only do vaginal deliveries.

Wow. I'm actually thinking like this pregnancy is going to work out and we'll have a baby in October. Amazing.

I'm already not a good mommy?

2008-04-07T15:31:00.004-04:00

I had my follow up OB appointment after the heavy bleeding two weeks ago. Since then I passed a clot and had some faint spotting that same day. Nothing else to report since that time except for a lot of anxious nervous nelly feelings.

The intake nurse asked me if I had anything new since my last appointment. I told her about passing the clot and spotting. She immediately asked if I went to the emergency room or had an ultrasound. That really threw me and made me feel like I wasn't being a good mommy already! That's just silly, but still, that's what I thought.

I know there's nothing they can do if God forbids something happened to the baby. And there's really no sense in going to the ER for some spotting. I've had a natural miscarriage at 9 weeks. I know the drill.

I told the intake nurse that I had called Lynn, my OB's nurse on the Monday after the spotting. She wasn't too concerned since the bleeding stopped immediately and told me that she would pass on the info to the doctor. I never heard anything more of it so I decided we would just have to wait until this week's appointment.

My OB came in and asked how I was doing. I told him that I was nervous and about the spotting. He immediately said, "Let's do an ultrasound!" Relief. I was concerned about him trying the doppler first. I was afraid that we wouldn't be able to find the heartbeat via the doppler because of my weight and tilted uterus. Plus at 10 weeks 6 days, it's still early yet.

The ultrasound tech was off today so my OB did the scan himself. The baby looks good! The doctor said he wasn't familar with the new machine so he didn't try to take any measurements. But we did get to hear the heartbeat and the baby looks like a baby instead of a shrimp!

My doctor reassured me about work. He asked if I was still traveling and for now I'm going to continue doing it until sometime in May. I'm really ready to transfer to a different position that doesn't involve me working 12 hours a day and being gone 5 days a week.

I have my NT scan April 18. It looks like Chris will be out of state for the NT scan. So that will probably be a stressful appointment to do alone.

3 out of 3 plus a scare!

2008-03-24T18:34:00.007-04:00

Leading up to today, I've have my share of nervous thoughts. I started bleeing with my first pregnancy at 8 weeks 5 days and lost it at exactly 9 weeks.

Today with my third pregnancy I'm 8 weeks and 6 days.

I had a huge, terrifying scare this morning. I touched my cervix when I was inserting the progesterone suppository. Big gush of blood. :( I tried to rationalize it by thinking that my cervix is extra sensitive because of the pregnancy and the progesterone adds to that. But, seriously. It was a lot of blood. Bright, bright red. Not what you want to see any time when pregnant let alone after having two miscarriages.

It was awful. I continued spotting all morning.

I didn't want to tell Christopher about the spotting right away. Instead I went to my acupuncture appointment and tried to take it easy. When I returned home I folded some laundry while sitting on the couch. We had about 30 minutes before it was time to leave for the RE appointment. Chris asked me what was wrong. He's pretty dang perceptive that husband of mine, because I was trying to keep the brave face on. So I told him about the bleeding.

We had a normal ride down to the RE's office. We got into the parking lot and sat in the car for a few minutes. All of a sudden Chris started digging in the center console for napkins. Big fat tears are just rolling down his face and he tried to wipe them away with the napkin. I had been holding my own until that moment. It reminded me all too well of the time when I miscarried the first time. We knew it was over at that time and he cried a few tears. It was so heartbreaking back then to see this big strong husband of mine cry over losing our baby. It was no less heartbreaking today. I didn't want to do this to my husband again. I did not want to lose this baby and relive all that agony. We both ended up wiping away tears, fearing the worst.

The doctor entered the room and asked me how I was doing. Before I could even answer, she asks why I'm always so down looking at the start of each u/s appointment. She really must not have a lot of RPL patients. This is nerve wracking, lady! Once you have lost your pregnancy innocence nothing is taken for granted.

I told her about the bleeding and she asked a few questions before starting the u/s.
She immediately showed me the baby's heartbeat. She took a few measurements: crown to rump is measuring 8 weeks 6 days (exactly as it should!) and the heartbeat was up to 165.

I asked her if she could tell where the placenta was. She changed settings and measured my cervix first. It was a normal length. Then she pointed out vascular areas on top of the cervix where the placenta was partially covering it. Cause of bleeding found!

It's still early enough that the placenta will probably migrate upward as the uterus grows. It's definitely something that we'll keep an eye on as it can be extremely dangerous.

I was told to discontinue the baby aspirin as that could be contributing to the bleeding. I'm also on pelvic rest until the placenta moves up. No problem. The progesterone suppositories aren't doing much for our sex life for either one of us.

But the baby is doing fine! Perfect in fact! It's still scary and it's still early yet.

I'm very thankful to God for this miracle.

From there we went to my first OB appointment. It was so nice to walk in there with some confidence and hope. The last few times I was there it was after miscarriage #1and #2.

We spent quite some time in my OB's office discussing my treatment and the crazy cycle that I had when I got pregnant. Thankfully the RE had given me the betas and Chart Summary (including the u/s measurements) so my OB could use those to date my pregnancy. I was dreading going through that since my LMP puts me 2 weeks ahead. I officially have a 10.28.08 due date. Give or take two weeks either way. ;)
Gosh, I actually think we may make it!

I had an internal exam and pap. The doctor asked for two of those huge medical cotton swabs from the nurse. He told me I did have some bleeding and he needed to clear it away. Otherwise my cervix was okay.

As the nurse was cleaning things up, she opened the medical waste can. On top were the cotton swabs just drenched in blood. Ugh. I said something about it and the doctor said he didn't want me to see those!

Since I had the bleeding, my OB wants to see me in two weeks. I'll be 11 weeks. We're going to try the doppler but I really don't see it picking up the heartbeat with my extra curves and tilted uterus. He said we'd do an u/s if necessary.
I'm going to ask if we can start with the doppler in the u/s room!

Oh well, at least it's not too long of a wait until my next OB appointment. I was so spoiled with the weekly u/s at the RE.

Baby is good. And for now, so am I. :)

2 out of 3...

2008-03-17T17:47:00.008-04:00

2 out of 3 ultrasounds completed. I had my second ultrasound today and everything was great. One more ultrasound to go and I graduate from the RE's office to my OB's care.

I'm officially 7 weeks and 6 days. The baby measured 7 weeks and 5 days. That's pretty close. I'm trying to reassure myself that this wasn't NASA measuring the baby or a team of surveyors. This is just one doctor picking a spot on the crown and another spot on the rump to measure. Hopefully the baby will keep growing at a good rate.

The heart looked absolutely huge today. It measured 157 beats per minute.

The first picture shows the doctor measuring the heartbeat. The second and third show a profile of the baby.

The baby's head is still a little pointy but that's normal for this stage. It will start looking more like a baby soon!
Pregnancy Week by Week: Week 7
Pregnancy Week by Week: Week 8

I asked the RE about continuing the estrogen patches. I was thinking she would tell me to continue them until 12 weeks just like the progesterone supplements.
She said that my level was high enough and I could discontinue their use. Great. This is after I just refilled another month's supply of them last week after her nurse told me to continue all medicines based on my estrogen and progesterone blood tests.
I think I'll continue them until Sunday as a compromise to my sanity just in case the baby needs a little more help. The doctor said they noticed an increased rate of miscarriage when the estrogen level was under 250 during week 4-6. I questioned her about remaining on it until 12 weeks and she said that was really only for IVF where everything is artificially controlled.
My level was only 97 before the supplements. After being on the supplements for 2 days, the level was 237. Last week it was 817. So it has definitely gone up someon its own. I would feel better if it was over a 1000. But she's the doctor with the degree. All I have is google and it's difficult to get a clear answer.

This rest is just cutesy stuff. Don't read it if you're not up to it.

After we got home, I told Chris it looked like a shrimp. He said, "Don't call my child a shrimp!"
A few days earlier, I asked Chris what we should call the baby. You know, instead of "the baby" all the time. He came up with Patches in honor of the estrogen patches that are glued to my tummy. LOL Silly, I know!
We never named the previous pregnancies. I'm thinking we have a little more hope this time around.

Pregnancy: Take 3, Scene 4: Ultrasound

2008-03-10T13:40:00.004-04:00

We had our first ultrasound this morning. I was so nervous and scared I could hardly relax enough to empty my bladder prior to the ultrasound.
The doctor came in for the ultrasound and asked how I was doing. All I could do was shrug and try not to cry. She asked me what was wrong so I told her that I was concerned about the egg quality because of the crazy cycle. She told me not to worry about things that are out of my control. How easy for her to say, right?

In went the dildo cam:

She started off by showing us the pregnancy. It's the blog thing on the left side. In the top photo you can barely see two white plus signs that mark the crown to rump measurements.) I'm looking for a flicker, where's the baby's heartbeat? She then points out the sac and the yolk. (Do I see a flicker? Could it be, could it be?) Then she points to the fetal pole and then finally to the flickering heart beat!

We have a baby with a heart beat! Thank God, thank God, thank God!
It was absolutely awesome. The baby measures perfectly at exactly 6 weeks and 6 days. She turned up the sound and we got to hear the baby's heart beat. It was 120 beats per minute.

Chris had the biggest smile on his face. I was pretty much dumbfounded. I had gone in expecting the worst because my symptoms had been pretty minor and I'd had spotting over the weekend. What a turn around.

Because of my history of miscarriages, I'll have ultrasounds on the next two Mondays. If God forbid something goes wrong, the doctor said she wanted to know right away. After those two u/s we'll be released to my OB's care and the risk of miscarriage will go down significantly.

I can't wait!

How I'm getting through this 2WW

2008-03-02T15:17:00.006-05:00

This 2 Week Wait is the time from my last beta to my first ultrasound. I have no bloodwork to help me get through this time.

It's stressful. Pregnancy is supposed to a joyous time. But after miscarriage it's not so easy to get through these early days. I suppose it's not easy to get through any of the 9 months until I bring a baby home in my arms.

I'm trying to stay positive. Whenever a negative thought creeps into my mind I try to immediately replace it with a positive.

I've been having a lot of trouble with cramps. And with the lack of them. Everyone knows cramping is a sign of a growing pregnancy as the uterus stretches. Everyone that has had a miscarriage also knows that cramping is a sign of pregnancy that is about to end.

Last Sunday I had a lot of cramping. That was scary because I kept comparing them to the cramps of my miscarriages and of my period starting.
Upon message board advice I drank some more water and rested.

My cramping pretty much went away from Wednesday to Friday. That was scary because all I could think was that the pregnancy stopped growing.

Here's what I'm trying to remember:

Pregnancy symptoms are different from person to person.
Pregnancy symptoms are different from pregnancy to pregnancy.
Pregnancy symptoms are different from day to day.

Some wonderful ladies have written emails encouraging me.

I pulled these gems from some of the emails:

"This is God's baby and God's baby alone, whatever happens is in His hands"

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God"

"This could be my last pregnancy, so I need to enjoy every minute of it."

The following mantras are taken from the Success After a Loss Board to help those newly pregnant after a miscarriage.

"Today I am pregnant and I love my baby."

"I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise."

"My past does not dictate my future. A previous miscarriage does not mean I will have another miscarriage."

"Just because something sad is happening to another, it does not mean it will happen to you." We all know miscarriage is not contagious!

And this is the hardest one: "There is nothing I can do to prevent a miscarriage from happening. Worrying yourself sick doesn't prevent a miscarriage. And if (God forbid) it were to happen again, I know I will survive."

Missing Piece By Lori Durante Rardin

2008-03-02T15:15:00.001-05:00

Someone from my prayer group shared this touching poem about miscarriage.

Missing Piece
By Lori Durante Rardin

There are those of us
Who have had to bear even more.
When a pregnancy only occurs briefly,
Then our pain is like never before.

My body held a living life,
Apparent by the physical changes.
I could feel the difference in myself,
Nature was making its rearranges.

Then for some reason something went wrong.
The life was not growing as planned.
Nature discarded the problem,
And from me that life was disband.

My heart was torn away,
As darkness replaced that tear.
Emptiness, anger and despair abound.
Why is life so unfair?

Because of the months of trying,
Well-meaners choose a hurtful word,
“At least you can get pregnant,”
Does not console and is absurd.

It is like losing a limb
Dark and cold the bitterness feels.
A piece of my body seems missing,
No longer whole but peeled.

Then comes the anger at God.
How could he play this cruel joke?
Why tease me with my dream,
Then it’s gone in a masterstroke?

When the anger subsides,
I am left with only despair.
Pools of tears drop from my eyes.
The heart pain is difficult to bear.

Eventually I stop blaming the world.
I even blamed myself for a while.
The deep despair slowly lifts.
Looks like I’ll make it through this trial.

Even though the struggle was hard,
I take away many lessons to learn.
Free to look ahead at my future,
Yet my “missing piece” ember still burns.

Pregnancy: Take 3, Scene 3: Beta

2008-02-25T14:30:00.004-05:00

I got the phone call! I knew it was good news when the blood draw nurse called me with the results and not my RE or her nurse.

The beta went from 104 to 1105.

Progesterone went from 24.8 to 45.29

Thank God! I'm so excited!

My beta had a doubling time of 35.2 hours over the course of 5 days.
Beta numbers should double every 48-72 hours. You can have a perfectly healthy pregnancy that doubles closer to 72 hours. My first pregnancy had a doubling time of only 66.7 hours. It's reassuring to see mine double quickly this time.

When the blood draws are over 48 hours you can use one of these two doubling calculators:
Betabase Calculator or Just mommies' Calculator

We have an u/s scheduled on 3/10 so I'm praying we get a strong heartbeat. I'll be 6 weeks and 6 days at that time. We may actually get an October baby out of this! :)

Pregnancy: Take 3, Scene 2

2008-02-20T15:19:00.003-05:00

My beta doubled. I'm pregnant.

Thank God. This is truly a miracle after the crazy cycle that I had.

The beta started at 53 on Monday. A little under 48 hours later it was 104. So it's good. I of course, wanted a perfect 106 or better. But I'll take what I get. It's a start. And it's darn good considering the horrible bleeding I had a few days ago.

My estrogen went up to 231. So the estrogen patches are working. Hopefully the lining is making a cozy spot for the baby to grow.

The next beta is on Monday. We'll schedule an u/s after that.

I'm breathing, a little shakey, but I'm breathing.

In Memory of Al

2008-02-19T23:30:00.001-05:00

On our wedding day

Cousin Big Al on the left, Christopher center, and brother Steve on right.

We lost a beautiful soul on Valentine's Day 2008. It could never be fitting that someone dies unexpectedly at only age 45. But some how the fact that he passed away on Valentine's day was appropriate, for he had the biggest heart and biggest love for his family and friends.

The funeral service was Tuesday. We left at 3:30 and got home at almost 11:00 pm. There was so many people there. Al was a postal carrier and people really turned out for him. A lot of the mail men and women showed up in their uniforms straight from work.

I'm almost in tears thinking about it again.

The priest called him "Big Al" during the whole service. Most of the family just started bawling when he did that. That was our nickname for him. His brother Tom did the eulogy and started off saying Al was even bigger than his 6 ft 5 inch frame. His heart was so big. He was bigger than life. Loved his friends and family so much. He lived life and enjoyed it to it's fullest. And that Al had the best job for him where he delivered mail and got to visit 500 of his friends every day.

I never met a happier guy than Al. He was his mom's full time caretaker for the past year or so since she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease. It hasn't been an easy year for him.

We had a private reception after the service at the Downtowner Saloon and Steakhouse. Al would have loved it! It was right on the intercoastal waterway. Right in front of the restaurant, there were huge beautiful boats and small yachts moored up.

Chris said he was going to drink a beer to Al and then he said, "Al's a big guy, I'm drinking at least two for him!" LOL

Dude. That was Al's favorite salutation. Dude, you're missed. You were one of a kind and will never be replaced.

Chris sent this to his cousins.

Here is a link to a song that I think BEST describes BIG AL pretty much to a T. It was a song written by Bruce Springsteen for his long time friend Terry Magovern, called TERRY'S SONG

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Avi4ucNc4FY&feature=related

Terry's Song

Well they built the Titanic to be one of a kind, but many ships have ruled the seasThey built the Eiffel Tower to stand alone, but they could build another if they pleaseTaj Mahal, the pyramids of Egypt, are unique I supposeBut when they built you, brother, they broke the mold

Now the world is filled with many wonders under the passing sunAnd sometimes something comes along and you know it's for sure the only oneThe Mona Lisa, the David, the Sistine Chapel, Jesus, Mary, and JoeAnd when they built you, brother, they broke the mold

When they built you, brother, they turned dust into goldWhen they built you, brother, they broke the mold

They say you can't take it with you, but I think that they're wrong'Cause all I know is I woke up this morning, and something big was goneGone into that dark ether where you're still young and hard and coldJust like when they built you, brother, they broke the mold

[harmonica bridge]

Now your death is upon us and we'll return your ashes to the earthAnd I know you'll take comfort in knowing you've been roundly blessed and cursedBut love is a power greater than death, just like the songs and stories toldAnd when she built you, brother, she broke the mold

That attitude's a power stronger than death, alive and burning her stone coldWhen they built you, brother

Pregnancy: Take 3

2008-02-18T21:28:00.001-05:00

I really hope this one does take.

I went dress shopping for the funeral I had to attend. Of course the nurse called with my blood work results while I was in the fitting room. The poor lady next door got an earful. I had no shame.

The first thing the out of the nurse's mouth was, "Congratulations, you're pregnant!"

I'm so rude. I brushed that aside, didn't even acknowledge that she said anything. I asked for the numbers.

My beta on Monday morning was 53 at 13 DPO. I told her that seemed low. She reassured me that they were happy with it based on how early it was.

Actually it's not too bad. I would have loved to see it over 100 but hey it's in the range of normal.

My progesterone was *only* 24.8 while being supplemented. I'm definitely not thrilled with this number although I know it's a totally good level. But in my first pregnancy and the first cycle on Clomid, my progesterone levels were close to 40.

For the first time other than a CD 3 level, they checked my estrogen. It was only a 97. The nurse said it was a little low. She said that the RE would review the numbers and I would get a call back if she decided to supplement the estrogen too.

I didn't think to ask what a normal E2 level was. She caught me off guard with that. I know the beta ranges and progesterone but what do I know about estrogen? Nada. It surges briefly at ovulation and then raises quickly during early pregnancy. By googling I found that bythe 5th week of pregnancy it's commonly above 500. That makes my 97 sound puny.

I begged the nurse for supplements. I told her that I had been spotting all month from the progestin and was worried my lining wasn't thick enough.

Finally I got the call back. The RE said that this early there's no "normal" estrogen value but based on my history she would order me estrogen patches. YES! Maybe this baby has a chance. Normally she would not supplement any other patient with a 97 estrogen level. This was sounded quite different from the initial call from the nurse but I'll take it!

I started the estrogen patches on Monday night. Apparently I'm on a double dose as my insurance would only pay for one box. We'll have to work on that.

Of course the estrogen packaging and literature are covered with warnings not to use the patches if you're pregnant or could soon become pregnant.

Oh, and it can cause cancer too. Yeah, I begged for this.

So today I'm pregnant. I'm trying to be hopeful despite how crazy of a cycle this was. It was far from perfect with a late ovulation on CD 30 after 21 days of progestin to suppress my ovaries. But this is what we got. The doctor told us to have timed intercourse after catching my ovulation via ultrasound and bloodwork. And so we listened. And here we are.

Next beta is Wednesday morning.

Sit down for this

2008-02-17T09:03:00.003-05:00

I had very heavy period like bleeding for about 36 hours late Thursday and all day Friday. I called it CD 1 and even scheduled my CD 3 baseline ultrasound to check on the cysts.
Then it went to very light spotting and almost stopped on Saturday. I kept feeling so awful and some of the things kept reminding me of my last chemical in August.
I just had a bad feeling for the past couple of days when I started spotting at 5 DPO and then bleeding at 9 DPO that a chemical pregnancy was a possiblity. I even talked myself out of testing on 10 DPO. I wanted to protect myself from the knowledge that I could be having another miscarriage. Finally after the the bleeding slowed down so much on Saturday, I couldn't take it any more. I tested.
It was a pretty faint line on the FRER but definitely pink and with in the time limit.

I admit that I emailed 2 of my close friends that I knew could still be up 11 pm and cussed up a storm about having a chemical pregnancy. They were super supportive as always. Then I phoned the on call doctor who told me I could start the left over progesterone supplements from my Clomid cycles. I go on Monday for a beta.

But in all honesty, it's probably just a chemical pregnancy based on the amount of bleeding I've had.

I'm not one to share "weird feelings" unless I have some proof. At this point, I hope to have some hcg still left in my system for the blood draw on Monday. I know chemical pregnancies happen all the time without evidence other than a positive pee stick at home. But I worry about being taken seriously. ::big eye roll::
I did get a positive on Sunday with a digital pregnancy test so that was reassuring in a small way.

I almost didn't share it with my pregnancy loss prayer group. But then I got an email from another friend in that group and decided that it was a lack of faith NOT to ask for prayers. Miracles do happen after all. I just usually don't expect them for me.

I'm okay with it. Kind of numb I suppose. I've had two miscarriages, I can get through a third. I just want to know for sure that it's a CP and then I can stop the progesterone. Part of me didn't even want to bother with it but there's always a small chance. I didn't think anything good could come of this late ovulation. And things definitely aren't looking good.

There's no way in hell I'm announcing a BFP. I didn't even do that with my second pregnancy and I was only spotting then.

40 days and 40 nights

2008-02-15T16:59:00.006-05:00

After 40 days, which included 21 days of progestin hell, 4 transvaginal u/s, 9 cysts, spotting and bleeding every couple of days, and a two vials of blood, it's finally over.
TCOYF Chart

Today is officially CD 1. We can begin a new cycle!

I've been having a great internal debate about what to do this cycle. Do we try on our own with an unmedicated cyle or should I push for Femara?

I'm having all the bad side effects from Clomid. My CM is hostile which forces us to do IUI instead of the much cheaper timed intercourse. I ovulated early the second cycle of Clomid and had a thin uterine lining on CD 11. And I'm experience ovarian disfunction by the way of 9 monster ovarian cysts.

Add those side effects to the fact that we're having trouble taking off so much work for the monitoring and IUI appointments, and I think we have a good case to switch to Femara.
Femara doesn't cause hostile CM or thining of the uterine lining. Hopefully I won't get the cysts either. With Femara, we shouldn't need IUI so that will save us time and money!

Reasons for TTC unmedicated this cycle:

We have a funeral to attend for a cousin that was like a brother to my husband. Chris is understandably off his game from Al's unexpected death. He doesn't need any additional stress right now.

This would give the acupuncture time to work.

I wouldn't have to worry about days off for doctor's appointments.

I could get back my diet in earnest.

Waiting could mean that the next medicated cycle might be when I have a less stressful job that doesn't require travel.

Reasons to TTC with Femara this cycle:

I'm losing approx 10,000 eggs a cycle with an already suspect ovarian reserve.

My EDD for the previous m/c and the chances for a 2008 baby are flying by.

I'm tired of TTC with ill timed procdures and only getting cysts.

Maybe they would let us just have Timed Intercourse instead of IUI.

I wanted a baby 4 years ago. I really, really wanted a baby when we started TTC a year ago. I really, really, really wanted a baby on my EDD of 1/28/08. And I really, really, really, really want a baby NOW! (Yeah, minor tantrum. Sorry)

I think the reasons to wait, out weigh the reasons to push for Femara this cycle. The big reason is Christopher's grieving for his cousin. He doesn't need the extra pressure to perform for the sake of a medicated cycle. This will give us both some breathing room free of tests and procedures.

We'll probably just try on our own this cycle. That's probably best. Right? I'm so torn.

I scheduled the baseline u/s for Monday. Hopefully I don't have any more left over cysts. I'm feeling a little crampy so it's entirely possible that some are still there. We'll have to make the decision to TTC on our own or go on a medicine to suppress my ovary function again. I know which way I'm voting! I'll also pitch my idea of switching to Femara for the next cycle. Wish me luck. :)

I call it love.

2008-02-15T16:49:00.002-05:00

QOTD: What is the craziest thing you've ever done for love?

That was the check in today on the message board. I know she was looking for silly romantic answers but it really hit me in another way.

The craziest thing I've done for love is not a silly thing.
Some may consider it crazy. I even consider it a little crazy but the only reason I've done it is solely for love.

The craziest thing (as in puting myself out on the line to be hurt) has to be the last 8 months total. That's the time since my first miscarriage. Since then I've had a second miscarriage. I've had countless medical exams and procedures. I've have vials upon vials of blood drawn. I've been embarassed and cried at the drop of a hat. I risk another miscarriage every month we try to make a baby. I risk more heartache. I've gotten hurt over and over, yet I keep exposing myself for more pain and rejection.

Doesn't it sound crazy?

People may say: Why don't you adopt? Or you're old, so maybe you should live childless. Isn't it time to give up?

No. Not yet. We're not done. We're not ready to move on.

I do this because I love my husband. I do this because I love our future child. I do this because I want to share our love in our own little family.

So call it crazy. I call it love.

Acupunture: Session One and Two

2008-02-10T12:37:00.000-05:00

Session One

My first acupuncture appointment was intensive! I talked to the doctor for about 1.5 hours. We went over all my infertility testing from the RE, result by result. He asked a million questions about my lifestyle, work, and diet.

This Dr. Z wrote an article about miscarriage in our Resolve newsletter so that interesting. I had read the article in my RE's waiting room a few months ago but didn't pay attention to the author's name at the time. There's also a German study that has indicated that acupuncture can be beneficial to IVF success.
Here's a newspaper article regarding my acupuncturist and fertility.

http://www.ivfflorida.com/acupuncture.html

I'm going to try a few cycles of weekly acu treatments. I had one today and it was relaxing and energizing at the same time! He wants to work on my diet in up coming appointments. He really wants me to completely cut out caffeine and green tea. I only drink 6-10 ounces of coffee a day to get me started in the morning but I'm going to try to cut back, maybe go with half decaf. Then I'll try to switch to black tea per his suggestion.

He is concerned with the green tea blocking folic acid absorption. I have seen an article regarding that. In the past I just always took my folic acid as far from the green tea as possible.

He also wants me to try some Chinese herbs. My RE's nurse said it was okay but I'm still a little concerned. I'm supposed to have a consult with another doctor and then they'll order the herbs from a Chinese pharmacy in NYC.

For the first acu session lasted about 20 minutes. He put a needle in each foot. Then I had a series of needles up my leg to my knee.

He put a half dozen around my belly button with a heat lamp centered over them.
(You're not getting a picture of my stomach!)

I have an appointment next week for another session!

Session Two (CD 37, 6 DPO)

We talked about my charts this time before the needling started. He asked for copies of them for his review. The new patient paperwork asked about this but he didn't bring it up at the intake appointment. He asked me if I normally have cramping at ovulation and before my period. I do and I've been cramping for the past few days. (No, don't get excited. I doubt if it's implantation. I normally cramp during the 2WW.)

I got more needles this time! Again, I had the needles in my feet and up my lower legs. This time the needles were located lower on my belly/pelvic area. The heat lamp was again placed over my stomach. I also got one needle in each hand. I got one on my forehead and one on the top of my head.

Sorry, I look like so awful and uncomfortable. The acupuncture is actually not painful but it was uncomfortable to snap these pictures on my phone. I hid my phone under the pillow while he was inserting the needles. After he left I squirmed around until I could get the pictures snapped.
The needles in the back of my hand weren't very deep. I ended up dislodging the one in my left hand when I hid away the phone. Oops. He acted like it wasn't a big deal.

This session was a lot longer. Maybe 45 minutes or so.

I'm so sad.

2008-02-08T04:44:00.001-05:00

I just feel so sad and frustrated. It's like we haven't had a real chance to TTC since my second m/c in August.

The first cycle, the IUI was ill timed because of the PCT.

Second cycle I ovulated way early and we only had sex on the day of ovulation.

And then the third cycle, I had the 9 cysts and was on a medicine that was supposed to suppress ovulation and bring on a period. Well my stupid body, decides to disobey doctor's orders and ovulate on CD 30! So now we didn't have well timed intercourse because I was bleeding from the progestin and my egg quality probably sucks from it being so late in my cycle.

I'm not very hopeful that I could be pregnant with the late ovulation and the fact that we only had sex on Monday and Tuesday.

There's always the chance though. And technically my ovaries were suppressed for 21 days. I know the follicle didn't grow until last week because of the two u/s. Stupid body couldn't just sit out the cycle like the doctor wanted, had to bust a move to ovulate.

I just spent way too much time playing with TCOYF and FF. Neither one wants to give me cross hairs no matter what info I took out or put in. I tried taking out the spotting since it was caused by the progestin and it still wasn't happy. I think the long cycle just blows their mind.

TCOYF Chart

Fertility Friend

TCOYF is setting my coverline super high for some reason. I see 3-4 good high temps. I really dislike it right now but I have a feeling it's correct. When I first entered in my info, it forecasted my period to start today. Well, I'm spotting bright red and have achy ovaries. Maybe the progestin withdraw finally kicked in. I don't know what I changed but now it's forecasting my period for Tuesday.

But the more I sit here, the more it feels like I'm having AF cramps.

Please dear God, give me a normal cycle. Without cysts would be a nice bonus.

I'm close to asking about trying Femara instead of Clomid. Wonder if we could do TI instead of IUI because the CM isn't supposed to be affected. That would help with my days off work for monitoring.

Most days I just want to cry. Oh, hell. I might as well cry. Maybe I'll feel better

Something for fun.

2008-02-06T14:55:00.000-05:00

I stole this from Maria's blog.

Post your own answers in your blog or email.

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No.

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Monday

3.DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? No, I print just about everything and in capitals.

4.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Boar's Head Honey Maple Ham but for my diet I usually get some BH turkey.

5. DO YOU HAVE PET? No because we travel too much for work. :(

6.IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Well, I like me most of the time.

7.DO YOU USE SARCASM? All the time.

8.DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No I had my tonsils and adenoids removed when I was in second grade.

9.WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No, but Chris might talk me into it next time. He did it once already and thinks a tandem jump would be thrilling. I think it would make me pee my pants.

10.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Kellog's Smart Start with added raisins.

11.DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? No

12.DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
At times I am, but I have moments when I fall to pieces.

13.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Plain vanilla or B&J's Chunky Monkey

14.WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? If they seem happy.

15.RED OR PINK? Pink

16.WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My weigt

17.WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? My 87 year old grandma who lives over 1200 miles away.

18.WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? Blue

19.WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Pink PJ pants but no shoes. Yes, it's 2:30 pm. Do you have a problem with that?

20.WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? A huge salad with grilled chicken.

21.WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The news.

22.IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Sky Blue

23.FAVORITE SMELLS? Vanilla

24.WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Grandma.

25.DO YOU LIKE THUNDERSTORMS? Yes, I like to see the palm trees sway in the wind.

26.FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Football. Ohio State Football!

27.HAIR COLOR? Boring medium brown.

29.DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes but I wear my glasses most often because of work.

30.FAVORITE FOOD? Mexican

31.SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy

32.LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Curious George

33.WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Pink

34.SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer

35.Hugs or kisses? Hugs

36.FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate Raspberry Truffle Cheesecake

39.WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
I just finished listening to the audiobook of Almost Moon by Alice Sebold. I think I'm going to start reading The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls next.

40.WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don't have one

41.FAVORITE SOUNDS? I have a lot of Kenny Chensney and Jimmy Buffett on my ipod.

42.ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Rolling Stones

43.WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? St Thomas, USVI

44.WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Ohio

I'm doing WHAT, now?

2008-02-04T17:27:00.000-05:00

I'm so frustrated with my body, with Clomid, the 9 freaking cysts, and with the damn progestin.

I stopped the progestin (oral progesterone) last week. It's similar to taking provera to start your period. I was taking the progestin to suppress my ovary function.

I started heavy bleeding late Friday night. By Saturday it had slowed down to spotting. Today nothing was really going on but I went ahead to my CD 3 u/s. The nurse said that could be "normal" for my period because of the progestin and that I've been spotting all month.

My right ovary is perfect. the two smaller cysts are gone. Great news!

Leftie is still causing problems. I still had the 28 mm cyst and the 14 mm cyst grew to 20 mm. Bad news. Those puppies are supposed to be going away!

They took my blood to see if it was a a functioning cyst. Yep, the dang thing is a follicle. My estrogen was too high for CD 3. Mine came back at 486 and normal for CD 3 is less than 40. The bleeding was probably just withdraw bleeding from the drop in progesterone.

So they think I'm ovulating! Their advice is to have sex every other day.
Yay if it wasn't CD 2freaking8.

Then I'm to come back when my period starts. The nurse didn't even have the tact to say IF my period starts.

I probably missed the ovulation window but I'm going to use an OPK later. I had my normal crampiness and sore breasts starting yesterday and just thought it was AF symptoms. I probably missed the egg already. I didn't catch how thick my lining was this morning on the u/s so who knows if pregnancy is even possible.

Another wasted cycle I have a feeling.

Oh, and for kicks I had an acupuncture session this afternoon and told him it was CD 3. They do different acu points at various times in my cycle. So who knows WTF that did.

Blindsided tackled at the super bowl party

2008-02-03T22:17:00.000-05:00

I got blindsided at the super bowl party.

BIL's neighbor invited her adult son over to the party. They thought it would just be the husband that came because it was supposed to be an adult only party. Instead it was the whole family.

They had a 5 year old and a little baby. I wasn't prepared for that. I let myself get a little sad after dinner thinking about my EDD for my first miscarriage last week and what we didn't have. My frustrations of TTC are stacking up after two failed Clomid cycles and the 9 cysts. I started crying during the game but I pulled it together pretty quickly. No one noticed.

SIL wanted us to sit on the barstools which was right on top of the baby. She kept crying and jabbering. I had enough by the half time show. I think that's the first time I let myself get that sad in the presence of a baby.

I left without saying good bye to everyone. I just wanted to go home, eat some chocolate and sleep! My SIL was giving her kids a shower so she didn't know I left until later. Oh well.

Chris was completely understanding and supportive about the whole thing. He caught a ride home with his cousin at the end of the game so it was no big deal.

Self preservation is necessary at times but it's still a sucky thing to do.

This isn't working

2008-02-01T17:23:00.000-05:00

The two Clomid cycles have been a waste.

The first cycle the IUI was 48 hours post trigger because we did a Post Coital Test at 24 hours. Awful timing. A single IUI should be at 36 hours post trigger shot. So not much chance of that one working from the get go after the failed PCT.

The second Clomid cycle it looks like I ovulated on CD 10 based on when my period started. I didn't start using OPK that cycle until after my u/s on CD 11. My nurse had assured me that it wasn't neccessary. Of course I kicked myself for not starting it sooner. We didn't even have sex until CD 10 that cycle. My lining was thin on CD 11 so there probably wasn't a chance even if we'd had timed intercourse before. Then I ended up with 9 cysts on my ovaries which required us to take a break cycle. After enduring the progestin hell, I'm taking stock of our situation.

So, the two medicated cycles have been a big bust. That's three wasted cycles.

We TTC on our own, for three unmedicated cycles and got pregnant twice. And miscarried twice of course.

So the score is:

Medicated cycles: 0-3
Unmedicated cycles: 2-3

Hmmm? Yeah. It's like that.

We both work for the same company and I feel like we've burned up some of their good graces by all the days we've already asked off for testing and procedures. We travel for work and a doctor appointment requires a complete day off.

There's been 5 firings in the past two days so I'm afraid to push our luck and jeopardize our jobs right now by asking for 2-3 days off for monitoring and IUI. Since they want to start doing follicle checks on CD 8 because of my early ovulation on Clomid, it might take two appointments before I could trigger. Then a third day would be required for the IUI. It's just getting too stressful right now.

I'm leaning towards taking a cycle or two off to TTC on our own without Clomid or IUI. There's no medical reason that we can't. It's only my age and thus questionable eggs that are bad quality which could be the reason for the miscarriages. But my hormones and his sperm are all normal.

TTC on our own with just the CBEFM and some Presed will reduce the stress level by 90%. It will also give me time to allow the accupunture to work. I have my first appointment on Monday!

Then we can do another cycle or two of Clomid/IUI before starting injectibles. That would be around May. We plan to stop traveling in May. I may have a different job by then.

Before we do injects, I would need to be home any way because the monitoring is a lot more often. I think you almost have to go every other day as they change your injectible dosage.

So we're going back to basics. I would be thrilled to death if I got pregnant again with a sticky baby. Of course the second I get pregnant again, I'll be scared to death. But I'd rather be pregnant and scared than unpregnant without hope.

I have a baseline u/s on Monday. I'm going to spring our plan on my nurse and see what she has to say.

And the cyst saga continues...

2008-01-28T12:45:00.000-05:00

I had my third u/s this morning for the cysts that are preventing us from TTC.

I still have 4 cysts ranging from 11 to 28 mm. It's actually a big improvement considering I started with 9 monsters. The only one that is really holding me back right now is a 28 mm. I can finally stop taking the oral progestin that has just made the last three weeks miserable.

My physical activity restrictions are lifted also. My husband still probably won't let me do any crazy lifting or work. He acts like my insides will bust out if I'm not careful.

It's funny how you always want what you can't have. Most of the time I'm rather blah about having sex unless it's sex week and we're trying to make a baby! But this past weekend I wanted to get it on so bad but I was still on restricted activity. Chris the ever safe one didn't want to break the rules. Maybe I should have gotten him drunk...

I'm going AMA (Against Medical Advice instead of the normal Advanced Maternal Age) and taking one more progestin pill and then waiting my period to show. The nurse said it should start in a few days from the drop in progesterone. We'll see how my timing works out. Hopefully my period will start between Thursday-Sunday so I don't have to miss a complete day of work for the baseline u/s. Traveling for work and under going fertility treatments is so stressful.

After my period, I'll go in for another baseline u/s (they let me come in CD 2-5) and then hopefully back on Clomid.
The nurse and doctor sounded a lot more positive that I would be taking Clomid this cycle than what I would have thought! So I hope they are right. They may be a little more lenient than what I've read. Some doctors have a cut off of 10 mm for cysts to start a medicated cycle. I had an 11 the second Clomid cycle that they approved any way.

I'm not doing too bad today. It's the EDD from my first pregnancy. I think the days leading up to today were worse than the actual day. Hopefully the free diapers and formula boxes will stop showing up in the mail soon.

Now I need AF dust. Specifically CD 1 Thursday to Sunday AF dust. :)

And here's a listing for those interested in the numbers.

Ultrasound on 1/28:

Left Ovary:

28 mm
14 mm
11 mm

Right Ovary:

14 mm

Ultrasound on 1/21:

Left Ovary:
35 mm
25 mm
23 mm
20 mm

Right Ovary:
28 mm
20 mm

Ultrasound on 1/7:

Left Ovary:

46 mm
37 mm
34 mm
33 mm
32 mm

Right Ovary:

38 mm
25 mm
21 mm
21 mm

Grief is like a wave

2008-01-27T22:27:00.000-05:00

The EDD of my first pregnancy is tomorrow. Another miscarriage milestone I guess. Just like everyone else, I hoped to pregnant again by today. Well, I was pregnant again for almost a week in August, but that pregnancy didn't work out either.

My first pregnancy lasted 9 weeks. My second, only 4.5 weeks. I definitely feel more connection to the first pregnancy. I had pregnancy innocence then. Things were uncertain then but I had a lot of hope inspired in part by the fact that I got pregnant on our second month of TTC. I had hope that we wouldn't need the money that we had set aside for fertility treatments after all. I had hope that at the beginning of 2008, we'd have our own little baby and be a family.

By the time I got pregnant the second time, I was already a little hardened. The second miscarriage definitely hit me harder than the first. All of a sudden I was in *THAT* category. Those that have multiple miscarriages with no living children. There were a few days in the beginning that I was understandably completely devastated- think big black hole, didn't want to TTC any more. I tried to imagine what living childless would be like. I couldn't imagine that for very long. I really want to have a family, either a biological child or a child adopted into our hearts. So soon those awful feelings passed and then I just wanted answers from the Recurrent Pregnancy Loss testing. I felt ready to go on rather quickly. It's not that I didn't mourn the second loss but I was already in a grieving state from the first. The second miscarriage just seemed like a continuation of the first one.

Sometimes the pain sneaks back up unexpectedly. This pain has a name...Grief. Grief isn't just limited to those of us that have lost a baby. Some women grieve every month when their period arrives. Those that are TTC with infertility know the pain of loss too.

I think about getting pregnant and having a baby every day. It's woven into my being right now. I can't escape it. And truly I don't want to. I think it consumes me in a positive way. It motivates me to continue on. I still have hope that this is possible!

I certainly don't feel positive 100% of the time. I cry over what we don't have. I cry over the could have beens and the should have beens.

Grief is funny. It doesn't make sense and it really doesn't have to. Whatever you feel, is what you feel. Our feelings are valid!

I don't wallow in my grief. I don't wrap myself in sadness. I can see babies without a dagger going through my heart. It may make me a little wistful but it doesn't knock me to the floor.

My husband has been so strong through this. I know part of it is the typical male response. I learned to lean not only on my husband but also more on God.

Grief is like a wave in the ocean...it can reach out and swallow you and then spit you out on the other side. It can be small calm predictable waves and then all of a sudden a monster wave comes out of no where.

I had parts of this blog post written when my friend, Darreth, shared how she was feeling after a recent pregnancy scare. She said that she felt as if she was out of control and being hit by waves. She quoted a devotion that said, "I can face the waves because I trust the one that made the ocean."

Psalm 93:3-4 Free use by permission from http://www.heartlight.org/

I trust the One that made the ocean. Please, dear God, keep me upright in these rough seas.

I had a bad dream

2008-01-26T19:38:00.000-05:00

And it was all because of this blinkie.

The very first night after I put this in my message board signature, I dreamed that I was pulled for a random drug test at work. This is a very real occurence and happens at least once a year. I was terrified in my dream because I just knew I was going to fail the drug test because of the crack!

I was so happy when I woke up and realized it was just a crazy dream. TTC crazies.

It's a KO!

2008-01-23T07:41:00.001-05:00

The progestin is winning. It's literally knocked me out. I'm tired most of the time. If I'm not tired than I have a headache, hot flashes, or generally feel like I want to curl into a ball and die, preferably mid nap.

I would think after 16 days, the side effects would be getting better not worse. I feel like I'm barely functioning which is not a desirable state to be in with my work. I've only been awake for 5 hours but I need a nap.

Sorry, my nesties, especially PL. I just don't have the concentration to nest much during the day right now.

Please, dear God, let this medicine get rid of my cysts ASAP. I really can't take too much more.

All I want to do is sleep. Forever, or until the cysts are gone.

I should have a sign hanging on my nose:

Do Not Disturb.

Wake only when ready to TTC.

They are down but not completely out

2008-01-21T15:37:00.001-05:00

I had my two week follow up ultrasound appointment today.

On 1/7, I had 9 cysts ranging in size from 21 to 46 mm.

Today I had only 6 cysts ranging in size from 20 to 35 mm.

I didn't expect them to be completely gone since I was still feeling cysty. It's good to see that 3 got their walking papers and the other 6 are reducing in size.

My nurse gave me another two week prescription of the oral progestin (chemical progesterone). My next ultrasound is only a week away on 1/28. I doubt if the cysts will be completely gone by then. So I do expect to continue the progestin for the second week.

That would be a grand total of 4 weeks on this energy sapping prescription. That's the worse side effect so I really can't complain too much. I've been getting extremely tired and sleeping close to 12 hours isn't unheard of. Another way infertilty steals and consumes your life I guess. There's worse things than requiring a lot of sleep so I'll try not to complain. I just don't think my husband understands it though. He tries.

I'm still on restricted physical activity (no exercise, heavy lifting, or sex) because of the size and weight of my ovaries. The right one isn't too bad at all but lefty is still on the FAT side!

Overall I'm okay with everything. I expected it to take one to two cycles for the cysts to go away. I've made some progress so that's all I'm going to focus on. I'm trying not to think about how soon we'll be able to TTC or what EDD for 2008 are slipping by.

Speaking of EDD... 01/28/08 was the EDD of my first pregnancy. Most of the time the fact that it's approaching doesn't bother me. I've gotten all the newborn diapers and formula in the mail that I can handle though. ;)

I'll probably schedule a private cry on 1/28.

I find keeping track of my follicle sizes and cysts gives me something concrete to hold on to. If the nurse had only told me they were smaller, I would forever keep wondering how much smaller? Are they a lot smaller or just a little smaller?

Here's a listing for those interested in the numbers.

Ultrasound on 1/21:

Left Ovary:
35 mm
25 mm
23 mm
20 mm

Right Ovary:
28 mm
20 mm

Ultrasound on 1/7:

Left Ovary:
46 mm
37 mm
34 mm
33 mm
32 mm

Right Ovary:
38 mm
25 mm
21 mm
21 mm

Update to previous blog post

2008-01-07T16:52:00.000-05:00

Beta is negative.

I'm starting the Progestin now. I take 10 mg every night for 14 days. Then I'll have my follow up ultrasound.

Please pray and send cyst bye-bye vibes. Thanks!

A freaking minefield

2008-01-07T13:33:00.000-05:00

I have a freaking minefield in my ovaries.

This cycle has been f*'d up to say the least. And now it continues. So far I don't like my experience with medicated cycles.

Here's a brief recap: After RPL testing showed no problems except for my Advanced Maternal Age, my new RE put me on Clomid to produce more follicles and maybe even a better quality egg. The first cycle I responded beautifully, 4 potential eggs. Due to hostile CM from the Clomid, we had to switch from timed intercourse to IUI. The sperm count post wash was only 4 million. We attributed this to having sex only 24 hours before and the high fever my husband had a few days prior. Because of the sudden switch, the IUI was 48 hours post trigger which was really awful timing. No surprise, first medicated cycle BFN.

The second cycle during my baseline ultrasound, I had a small 11 mm cyst on my left ovary. My nurse okayed my to start Clomid. At my ultrasound on CD 11, I had a 35 mm cyst on old leftie. The rest of the medicated cycle was canceled, no trigger and no IUI because of the risk of ovary torsion. We were given the okay to try on our own. And so we did. I dutifully POAS trying to detect my LH surge. I saw lots of lines but the digital OPK never read positive. My chart was very inconclusive since the Clomid jacked my temps up.

Fast forward to yesterday. I started bleeding. It was light at first but got heavier to the point that I considered calling it CD 1. This was only 23 days from my last period. I'm normally a 28 day girl. But considering that this was a possible annovulatory cycle, I really wasn't expecting my period any time soon. My ovaries started getting even more painful and I went to bed early.

When I awoke this morning, I knew that my period had definitely started. We are going out of town tonight so I really needed to get into my clinic today for the baseline ultrasound. I might have stretched it a little by saying yesterday's flow was CD 1 but I hated to miss a full day's work to make it to an ultrasound later in the week. I felt pretty crappy and figured I still had a cyst or two. I knew Clomid was out this cycle. Instead of going on BCP, I planned on TTC a couple of cycles unmedicated to allow us a chance at getting pregnant and time for the cysts to go down.

I was prepared for a cyst or two and no Clomid this cycle. That was pretty much a given. Well, that one freaking cyst from CD 11 has grown and invited friends to move into the neighborhood.

I was not prepared for a freaking minefield and very serious warnings about the danger to my fertility.

Simply put, I have 9 cysts ranging from 21 mm to 46 mm. My ovaries are extremely heavy and there is a serious risk of ovarian torsion where the blood supply could get cut off to the ovaries. The ovary would then die without emergency surgery.

Left Ovary:
46 mm
37 mm
34 mm
33 mm
32 mm

Right Ovary:
38 mm
25 mm
21 mm
21 mm

My nurse thinks that since my period started early, I ovulated early. Maybe around CD 10 or 11. She said it would be very unusual for me to not ovulate on 100 mg of Clomid since I ovulate on my own.

My chart doesn't really show ovulation but I could almost see that it's possible based on how my temps all were pretty steady. All the annovulatory charts I've seen, are pretty rocky up and down.

My lining is thick so a beta was ordered. Might as well throw a chemical pregnancy into the mix. (heavy sarcasm) I'll get the results after 3 pm. If it's positive, it really can't be a good thing because of the amount of bleeding.

I'm not allowed to lift anything heavy. No jumping around or exercising. No sex.
She said any of those things could cause the ovaries to twist on the thin ligaments that hold them floating in my pelvis. So despite my intention of going unmedicated, I really didn't have much of a choice about going on Aygestin. The cysts need to stop growing ASAP. I have a follow up ultrasound in two weeks.

God help me. I just want a baby. Not a fleet of cysts trying to take over my pelvis.

Aygestin (Norethindrone Acetate)
Aygestin is a form of progestin, a synthetic substance that chemically resembles progesterone, that may be prescribed in ovulation induction therapies to inhibit ovulation and quiet the ovaries in advance of egg stimulation using injectable hormones. This "down time" helps the ovaries respond better to treatment. In much the same way that oral contraceptives prevent pregnancy by inhibiting normal ovulation, Aygestin is used in IVF and related procedures to turn off the body's natural ovulatory cycle. Side effects of Aygestin may include: abdominal pain or cramps; diarrhea; fatigue; unusual tiredness; weakness; hot flashes; decreased sex drive; nausea; trouble sleeping; depression, irritability, or other mood changes; swelling in the face, ankles, or feet; weight gain.

I have an expensive habit.

2007-12-31T22:28:00.000-05:00

I'm addicted.

I'm a junkie.

Pee sticks.

They haunt me.

I'm missing my ovulation.

I need my fix!

I'm on CD 19 and still no positive or peak. I'm really frustrated with this Clomid cycle and resulting cyst. I think my ovaries are ticked off and maybe on strike.

I'm testing about 3 times a day. With multiple OPK.

Clomid can interfere with the CBEFM. Sometimes you won't get a peak on the monitor because Clomid causes higher estrogen levels as it fakes out your FSH to keep producing. So I don't trust my monitor.

That means I'm using additional OPK to check. And boy am I checking!

I'm using the Answer test strips. ($19 for 20 tests) When those look positive, then I'm checking with the CBE digital. ($39 for 7) Um, I'm on the second box of the digis.
The trouble is the Answer brand have been looking pretty damn positive since Friday. But when I check with the digital, no go. Empty circle. No smiley face.

I have a pee stick collection. They are labeled by date so I can be even more neurotic. Yesterday, the line on the digital looked darker than it has all week.
I'm almost hopeful but it's getting so late in my cycle.

Pee Stick Collection

I actually threw some away earlier in the week. And after I admitted my problem here, I forced myself to throw some more away. It's really gross but I am compelled to compare the darkness of the lines.

I even called CBE to inquire about the lines on the digital OPK. The line closest to the pee end is the LH line. The other line is just a control line.

On the CBEFM, the line closest to the pee end is again the LH line. The other line is the estrogen.

I am seeing a darker line on the CBE Digital so hopefully that is a good sign. I have some secondary fertility signs too. Come on, ovaries!

"My Works" for my addiction

Do I chance ovulation after CD 20? My follicles are probably all over mature by now. My egg quality probably sucks.

Damn cyst. We're probably going to continue to TTC this cycle. Another miscarriage would be awful but wasting another cycle almost seems harder. Especially with BCP therapy lurking in the future if the cyst isn't gone.

Carrot Cake IHO MayBride!

2007-12-31T22:18:00.001-05:00

I think there's some kind of fertility voodoo going on with Carrot Cake according to MayBride. I'm hoping it works!

This is a recipe I adapted from my friend, Martha.

I used 3 8 inch round pans instead of 9 inch pans.

Serves 10
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for pans
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3/4 teaspoon coarse salt
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3 sticks (12 ounces) unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for pans
1 cup packed light-brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
3 large eggs
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup of applesauce
1/2 cup water
1 pound carrots (8 to 10 medium carrots), peeled and shredded on a box grater or in a food processor (about 2 3/4 cups)
2 cups pecans (1 cup finely chopped for batter, 1 cup coarsely chopped for decorating sides of cake)
1/2 cup of golden raisins (optional)

Cream Cheese Frosting

Directions
Make the cake: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter three 9-inch round cake pans. Line bottoms with parchment paper, and butter parchment. Dust with flour, tapping out excess. Whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, ginger, and nutmeg.
Beat butter and sugars with a mixer on medium speed until pale and fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat 3 minutes. Add vanilla, applesauce, water, and carrots. Beat until well combined, about 2 minutes. Reduce speed to low, and add flour mixture, then finely chopped pecans and golden raisins.
Scrape batter into prepared pans, dividing evenly. Bake, rotating pans halfway through, until golden brown and a toothpick inserted into centers comes out clean, about 30 minutes. Let cool in pans on a wire rack for 15 minutes. Run a knife around edges of cakes to loosen, and turn out cakes onto rack. Turn right side up, and let cool completely.
Using a serrated knife, trim rounded top of 2 cakes. Place one trimmed cake, cut side up, on a serving platter. Spread 1 cup frosting over cake. Top with second trimmed cake, cut side down. Spread 1 cup frosting over cake. Top with remaining cake. Spread remaining frosting over top and sides. Gently press coarsely chopped pecans onto sides of cake. Refrigerate 1 hour (or up to 1 day, covered) before serving.

Some rumblings are a good sign

2007-12-26T18:47:00.000-05:00

I'm on CD 13 today. Still negative OPK and CBEFM only on high. Bah humbug!

But I'm starting to get some ovary cramps so hopefully it's show time soon. Please, Lord! Please!

I have to admit that I peed through 7 digital OPK in four days. Bad, bad, crazy lady.

I'm really not sure how I managed to do that, but the bag that I keep them was empty. Maybe the elves took them?

Ok, so I'm a nervous wreck right now since the IUI was canceled. I'm afraid to trust my CBEFM since sometimes you can miss your peak while on Clomid. I went to the store and bought two, yes TWO more boxes of the CBE digitals. Those of you in the know, understand what an expensive purchase that was.

Did I mention that I'm being crazy? Like a loon? I will gladly donate the other box if I get a BFP this cycle.

Oh, and happy birthday to me. I'm officially 37. Although all my doctors having been calling me that all year. Geesh. "For a 37 year old..." and "Since you are 37..." GTF out.

Apparently there's something in the internet ether. 3 out of 4 of my close internet friends are pregnant. And the fourth is starting Clomid if this cycle isn't successful. I'm sure she'll be next!
I'm praying for those ladies with BFP.

GL to everyone reading. May 2008 be a better year for everyone.

Christmas, cookies, softball, and blackjack.

2007-12-25T23:03:00.000-05:00

My cookies

I spent over 10 hours in the kitchen baking cookies the week before Christmas. We take cookies to work every year as a thank you. I made at least 12 different kinds of cookies and candies that day. Christmas Eve I made another 5 varieties. I'm officially sick of cookies.

My favorite recipe for these big batches is from Real Simple Magazine. The Cookie Base Recipe makes 6 different cookies. I change it up some more to by adding different ingredients to the chocolate chip dough. But my favorites out those are the Gingersnaps and White Chocolate Snowballs. Everyone goes always goes crazy over those two.

The absolute finishing touch on the Gingersnaps is a Snow Dream Ball.

You take 8 ounces of cream cheese and mix in 5 cups of confectioners sugar.

Mix in 1/2 cup of coconut.

Form into a cheese ball.

Press remaining coconut onto the outside of the ball.

It looks just like a coconut snowball. I serve it on my Hallmark Snowman cheese ball plate. Very cute, too bad I didn't snap a picture. You can spread it on crackers or cookies.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

This is our 4.5 foot tree that we put on top of a table to cheat on the height. From outside the window it looks like a full size tree. But the size is perfect for us since we live in a small town house. I would love to have a full size tree but it's really not practical right now. I have ornaments from my childhood on there which is a lot of fun to get out each year. The newest ornament came from my friend, Stephanie. She got me an angel ornament in memory of the babies that I lost this year. The saying matches the angel statue that I bought. I need to take a close up of it. Perfect gift. Thanks again, Stephanie!

Christmas morning we host breakfast for the misfits. It's the third year running. All the adults that live by themselves come over to our house so they don't spend the day alone. It's nice and Chris does 90% of the cooking. I just set a pretty table with all my Christmas finery and pass around cookies.

We had Christmas dinner at BIL's. We played softball for a while before dinner. South Florida makes for interesting holidays. It was a nice day out, not too hot. It was really just us taking turns hitting pitches. No one ran bases or anything.
We had a traditional menu, but my baked macaroni and cheese was a big hit. There weren't any leftovers!

After dinner, everyone opened gifts. Well, mostly we all watched the twin 5 year olds open gifts. They got some nice loot. My favorite SIL got me a lovely bracelet and some dangling earings. She knows my taste so well!

After that, the guys played blackjack. Chris has a professional casino kit with a real felt pad for the table, chips and everything. They played nicely together. The brothers and cousins are so competitive! Chris lost a few dollars overall. And Cousin Al was the big winner. He did cough up $5 for gas and toll money since he rode with us. What a guy! ;)

I guess that sounds bad to be gambling on Christmas?

We actually haven't opened up our presents yet. We each got ipods. And I know he got me a laptop backpack. Our morning was too busy taking care of breakfast for our guests.

Black Hole On Christmas Eve

2007-12-24T14:17:00.000-05:00

My CD 11 ultrasound was today to check the follicle maturity before I triggered with Ovidrel. I knew there was a problem as soon as I saw the huge black hole on the screen.
My left ovary has a cyst that is too big for me to continue with a medicated cycle. It measures 34.6 mm. At 35 mm, I risk ovary torsion if I trigger with the Ovidrel. If you're too lazy to click, it's a serious complication that would require emergency surgery or risk losing the ovary.

The black hole monster follicle is too big and likely overmature at this point even if it still has an egg in it.

My other follicles aren't so great. I have one that maybe be mature in a few days.
So no Ovidrel to trigger ovulation and no inseminations.

Right:
13.4 mm
8.5 mm
10.3

Left:
34.6 Black Hole
19.0 Hopeful follicle to mature
12.1

Endo: 6.73 not very thick yet but I'm only on CD 11. I think it has time.

We are allowed to still TTC this cycle but no medications. No Ovidrel and no progesterone support. I'm to check for an LH surge and hope it comes in the next few days. If it doesn't happen soon that this cycle may be a complete bust. After I get an LH surge, then I'm supposed to schedule a progesterone blood draw.

We've gotten pregnant on our own 2 out of 3 cycles we TTC. So there's definitely a chance for us to be successful.

The nurse was nice. She said that IF my period started, I'll come back for another ultrasound. That was nice that she didn't say when your period starts. Every little bit of hope helps.

If the cysts are still there, then I'll go on a form of BCP to quieten my ovaries. I'm not looking forward to that. I don't have good experience with BCP helping cysts go away. In 2006, I spent close to 8 months monitoring cysts while on BCP. It took that long for them to go away. I feel like I don't have 8 months to waste now!

I'm ready to have a pity party instead of a Christmas or a birthday party. But the show must go on. At least we "celebrated" my birthday yesterday so we were able to enjoy that without any shadows over it. But it still sucks.

And my husband is secretly releaved. He was dreading doing the IUI business. Men!

Next cycle, please

2007-12-17T14:10:00.000-05:00

I had my CD 4 baseline ultrasound today. I have two cysts leftover from the first Clomid cycle. I was prepared to hear that as I've been pretty crampy. One on my right ovary is 11 mm and there's another on my left. My nurse said they were small enough that they wouldn't prevent me from starting the next round of Clomid.

My next appointment is on Christmas Eve which will be for a CD 11 ultrasound. We might IUI on Wednesday and Thursday after Christmas.

Bring on the hot flashes!

"You do testes?"

2007-12-10T15:15:00.000-05:00

I had my final beta this morning. A different nurse called me back for the blood draw. While she wrote down my cell number for the results call, I told her not to feel bad when she calls me. That I was pretty sure it was negative.

Imagine in a thick Spanish accent: She says, "You do testes at home?"

I say, "WHAT?" Meanwhile I'm thinking my DH would enjoy this conversation.

"You do testes already?" She repeats it again and I get that she is saying tests as in pregnancy tests. LMAO! My ear does not "hear" Spanglish very good. Too much of my life was spent in Ohio.

ME: "Yes, I got a negative this morning."

Nurse: "We have a lot of women get pregnant on the second cycle."

ME: Thinking this, not saying it out loud because she's getting ready to stick me. "Well if I'd known that, I could have only paid $32 for the Clomid. Taken it and called it done. Next cycle, please. I could have skipped paying $566 for monitoring and the IUI. This whole month would have been a lot cheaper, easier, and less painful."

I talked to another nurse, Tania, about the irritation from the progesterone suppositories. She said it's not a yeast infection and that Aquaphor from Eucerin is the best soothing treatment. I bought a huge container of it at Walmart today. I'm ready to take a bath in that stuff!

I'll have my test result after 3 pm today. But it pretty much has to be negative unless it's another pregnancy gone bad. There's no doubt when I ovulated.

3:09 PM and the results: Negative

I've been tagged

2007-12-09T07:06:00.000-05:00

Maria, thanks for the tag. Bless your little heart. Yeah.

1. For 30 some years I detested peanuts. I would not eat anything with peanuts in it. No brownies, no ice cream drumsticks, no cakes, no peanut butter. I've never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.Even just the smell of peanuts would make me sick to my stomach. One time my ex-husband kept eating peanuts while we watched tv in bed. I asked him repeatedly to put them away. Every time he opened the jar, a huge cloud of peanut scent would waft over to me. It was making me so sick and distressed that I opened the window and threw the jar outside.
Crazy, yes. But no more peanuts. I talked to my mom about why I have such a bad reaction to peanuts. I'm not allergic, I just HATED peanuts. She told me that I almost choked to death as a child on...you guessed it, a peanut!
This was back in the early 70's before the Hemlich manuver or clearing airway techniques were taught. My young parents snatched me up by my feet and shook my up and down until the peanut came out. I was too young or too traumatized to have a memory of it. But I think that explained my peanut aversion. Mom also said I choked on a piece of peperoni but it never slowed down my love of pizza.
I have to wonder if I was held upside down and shaken during the peperoni incident

2. I have a google MD. I'm also very intimate with webmd.com. If I have a symptom, I google. I've diagnosed myself accuarately several times. Well, I usually have a list of possible diseases and diagnoses. I always worry it's the worst case scenerio and it ends up being the simple and common condition instead. (Thankfully!) But I can get in the ball park. This drives my husband crazy.

3. My blue eyes are my own color. If I'm wearing contacts people don't believe me. I've had to remove a contact lense to prove it. I'm glad people don't ask if my boobs are real.

3. I used to weigh 240 lbs and wore about a size 22-24. I now wear a size 12 jeans. Before my first pregnancy I was almost in a size 10. Well I was in it, but it wasn't comfy. I would love to lose another 20-30 lbs but so far, it's not happening.

4. I have driven over one million safe miles. I have a plaque proclaiming this status. Woot, woot. Some of you may ask, a million miles? How does a person do that? I am amoung the few and proud woman driving professionals.
No, I'm not a race car driver. I drive a semi-tractor for a living with my husband.

5. Because of number 4, I prefer to stay home on the weekend. I hate going out.

6. At age 30, I moved over 1200 miles from home to start over after my divorce. The weather is nicer in sunny Florida than in chilly Ohio. But I'm still an Ohio State Buckeye. Forever.

7. I have more online friends than IRL friends. See number 4 again.

8. I fear that I'm not very interesting because I've run out of things to list.

The End.

Now, it's my turn!

We're playing a game of tag. I'm IT but I get to tag 8 new people.
The rules: Make a post with 8 random things about yourself. You're then supposed to tag 8 more people. And the game continues.

You're IT!

MrsABC
Brandy
Emily Is it fair to do this to someone with a new baby?
http://futuremrsmikea
Kristin
Mandie
MidWestWife
Monica You have some free time until TNO's debut. If TIC will give you a minute of peace.

Is that Jeopardy music in the background?

2007-12-03T07:55:00.000-05:00

I keep imagining the Jeporady theme music playing in the background during the 2 WW! I'm praying that we have the correct answer when the music stops playing.

In the form of a question: "What is a BFP?"

I have my progesterone blood test today. I'm counting myself as 6 DPIUI. 8 DPTrigger

For excitement I used a line OPK. It wasn't full on positive dark but there was still a healthy colored line there. So I guess I'm still metabolizing the trigger. I might POAS tomorrow just to see if it's negative yet.

Are my ovaries the size of softballs?

2007-12-02T22:32:00.000-05:00

Or what?

This must be payback since I had none of my normal ovulation cramping when I was supposed to be ovulating from the trigger.

This cramping stuff started after my IUI and reached a crescendo today. I've got typical cramps in my ovary areas and now this pinching in the center started. I have no illusions that the center pain isn't related to my ovary size. I've had pretty massive cysts before and the pain didn't confine itself to just my little old ovary. There's only so much room in there after all.

This can be totally normal after ovulation so I'm not currently freaking out. It's just that all that constant rumbling makes it difficult to put all this suspense of the 2WW out of my mind.

I just hope it means there's some healthy CL cysts in there and not really softballs.

Overall I'm doing well. The germ factory (aka my husband) has finally sent a shipment of his finest product my way. I started with a sore throat in early morning that I kept trying to play off as allergies or the air conditioning bothering me. By evening time, I know I have his cold. No doubt about it.

Why would should any 2WW be uneventful?

I have some hope for a success but I think it's realistic hope tempered by the sperm count. At least we know my ovaries can respond well to the Clomid.
Take that Dr Creepy Skulker.

Kicks and Wishes

2007-11-27T18:42:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm at the point where I'm kicking myself for what we did or didn't do and wishing we'd done things differently.

I wish that when we had sex Friday night, we used the PreSeed. It was how I got pregnant twice before on our own. The PreSeed may have helped with the CM issue and Chris' count may have been okay that night. Right now I consider Friday a waste if I was hostile to the sperm and since I ovulated 3 days or so later.

I wish we had sex late Sunday instead of waiting until Monday morning. I'm really kicking myself for this one. I hated to wait Chris up at midnight which was the earliest we could have sex for the PCT. So we waited until Monday am. Then that only left 24 hours between ejaculations for the IUI. It would have given him another 7 hours to produce more sperm if we'd done it at midnight.

I wish he'd taken the Tylenol Medicine right away when I tried to give it to him.

I wish he wouldn't have gotten sick. I wish he didn't forget his vitamins last week. I wish he got more sleep at Thanksgiving. I wish he would listen to me when I tell him he needs to stop driving every 2 hours and walk around.

I wish I wasn't angry about this. I wish we weren't down to this.
I wish, I wish, I wish.

Can someone give me a big kick in the butt? Please? I hate being so negative. My friend had a lower count for her IUI but I'm hopeful for her. And here I'm being a big jackass about mine.

IUI...no one came to the party

2007-11-27T13:16:00.000-05:00

Dead sperm again. There was 18 MIL with 44% motility pre wash.

Post wash number of sperm inseminated: 3.8 MIL with 90 % motility.
Forward progression 2+

They like to see 10 million post wash. I know it's better than nothing, but crap. Not what I wanted to see. I wanted to cry on the table but kept my tears inside. The nurse tried to make it sound better by saying the 90% motility was great. Well there's not very damn many of them. And the forward progression isn't awesome. It's close/within normal range. 2.5 FP would have been better. I guess this was in between 2.0-2.5.

And the IUI hurt like a MFer. It hurt more than any other procedure that I ever had. More than the SHG, HSG, Uterus lining biopsy, copo with biopsy. She asked me if it was hurting really bad and I couldn't speak. I could only breathe.
Prior to the IUI, the nurse asked me to empty my bladder. I read on T-TTC that a full bladder can make it less painful to put the catheter through the cervix. Next time I'm not going to pee!

And yeah, I'm pretty sure there's going to be a next time.

And next cycle I want Chris to do another Semen Analysis prior to the Clomid and IUI. I want to make sure his levels are back up before we try this stunt again.
Also I want to make sure he doesn't have an infection and a lot of white blood cells in the semen.

A fever could impact sperm for up to 3 months since it damages the immature sperm in the testes too. Sperm take 3 months to mature. So in 3 months there will be a fresh crop of sperm that weren't exposed to the fever.
There's so sense wasting our time off and money. This is too expensive OOP on top of us both losing complete days of work with no pay.

What a fricking time to get a cold. Chris ever the tough guy, had refused to take the Tylenol Cold medicine. It could have helped with the damn fever on Sunday. Maybe it would have broke sooner.

Post IUI, I'm still a little crampy and bloated. I was bloated feeling prior though so it may just be my ovaries all out of joint from working so hard.

I feel like those four potential eggs are all lonely right now. No one came to the party. Crap. Now I'm crying. :(

Hopefully I killed his sperm

2007-11-26T13:37:00.000-05:00

We didn't do our homework until this morning. We should have sex late Sunday night but I felt bad for Chris. Chris got a cold yesterday. He woke up at 1:30 AM shivering like crazy. I forced him to take some Tylenol Cold for the fever but it may have been too late.

I had the Post Coital today. My RE used a catheter and syringe to pull out a sample of my CM from inside my cervix. She was disappointed in the amount of CM and she had trouble getting the sample. I had a small amount of EWCM on Saturday but none yesterday or today.

I killed all of Chris' sperm. There was only one alive and still swimming. Well hopefully I killed his sperm. If not then the fever did him in.

There was one other alive sperm, but it was not swimming right. She said the pass or fail is 5 alive and swimming sperm in the field of study under the microscope. She said there were a lot of sperm, just all dead. She thinks it's the Clomid that made me hostile to the sperm. To get around this Clomid side effect we are doing the IUI tomorrow. I asked her if the fever Chris had could cause sperm count problems and she agreed that it could. Lousy timing, she said. Yeah, real lousy and costing us a lot with time off work plus the cost of the IUI.

My RE said we'll know tomorrow when they do the sample. If there's a lot of dead sperm or a low count, then the fever is affecting it. If tomorrow's sperm count is bad, we won't have much of a chance. The IUI is all or nothing.