Over Stuffed Baked Apples

4 large McIntosh or Empire apples, cored
1 tablespoon lemon juice
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup instant oatmeal mix or rolled oats
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg,
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
4 tablespoons butter, melted
1/8 cup, raisins
1/4 cup chopped walnuts or walnut pieces or pecans
1/4 teaspoon vanilla (optional)

Topping:
4 carmel squares, unwrapped (optional)


Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.
Sprinkle cored apples with lemon juice. Mix next 8 ingredients and over-stuff apples. Place one carmel square on top of each apple.

Bake 20 minutes in a small oven safe dish.
Transfer apples to small bowls with a spoon and top with ice cream

We have contact!

Finally. It only took two days and about a dozen phone calls, but we now have an appointment at a new IF clinic for a second opinion.

http://apps.nccd.cdc.gov/ART2005/clindata05.asp?Location=94

Hopefully the fact that the scheduling person is busy is a good sign. The appointment is in just over a week so I can't really complain. This clinic has very good stats for IVF if it does come down to that.

I tried to get into the same clinic that my sister in law went to but it's not on my health insurance plan. I only have infertility testing covered on my plan. So IVF/IUI aren't covered. But any little bit that I can get covered is worth it. Also *when* I get pregnant again, all of that blood work and ultrasounds will be covered at this clinic. This new clinic also has slightly better live birth stats than my sister in law's. But it also has a slightly higher cycle cancellation rate too. So that may be a wash.

I'm not 100% sure that I am changing from clinics yet. But we're going to start with the second opinion and go from there. It will partly depend on what this new doctor says, what diagnostic testing will need repeated, and how soon we can try to get pregnant again.

I may do the IUI cycle with the old clinic and then transfer if it's not successful.

Another step closer to baby.

Oh, and happy birthday, Mom.

Onion Soup with Cheese Toasts

Serves 8
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons of olive oil
4 pounds of onions (about 8 onions), chopped into small pieces
2 cans of low-sodium canned chicken stock
2 cans low-sodium canned beef stock
4 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1/2 cup of Merlot, port, or Marsala wine
Cheese Toasts
Directions
In a Dutch oven or large heavy-bottom 5 quart pot, melt the butter and oil over medium heat. Add garlic and chopped onions; season with salt and pepper; cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until onions are soft and translucent, about 12-15 minutes.
Uncover and continue to cook, sirring occasionally until onions are dard golden brown, 25-30 minutes. If bottom gets dry, add water and scrape with bits up with a wooden spoon.

Add wine and cook until syrupy, 2-3 minutes more. Stir in broth and 2 cups of water. Bring to a simmer. Serve with Cheese Toasts.


Cheese Toasts:
Heat broiler or toaster oven. Place 1/2 inch thick slices of baguette on a baking sheet. Sprinkly coarsely grated Gruyere cheese or swiss cheese on top. Broil until golden. 2-4 minutes.

Pumpkin Oatmeal Streusel

I made these as mini loaves instead of muffins. They are so good. I added just a bit more pumpkin.


Ingredients:
STREUSEL TOPPING
1/4 cup Quaker® Oats (quick or old fashioned, uncooked)
1 tablespoon brown sugar, firmly packed
1 tablespoon butter or margarine, melted
1/8 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
MUFFINS
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup Quaker® Oats (quick or old fashioned, uncooked)
3/4 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt (optional)
1 cup LIBBY'S® 100% Pure Pumpkin
3/4 cup milk
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 large egg, lightly beaten
Directions:PREHEAT oven to 400° F. Line twelve medium muffin cups with paper baking cups or spray bottoms only with cooking spray.FOR STREUSEL: COMBINE all ingredients in small bowl; mix well. Set aside.FOR MUFFINS: COMBINE flour, oats, sugar, nuts, if desired, baking powder, pumpkin pie spice, baking soda and salt in large bowl; mix well. Combine pumpkin, milk, oil and egg in medium bowl; blend well. Add to dry ingredients all at once; stir just until dry ingredients are moistened. (Do not overmix.)FILL muffin cups almost full. Sprinkle with reserved streusel, patting gently.BAKE for 22 to 25 minutes or until golden brown. Cool in pan on wire rack for 5 minutes. Remove from pan. Serve warm.

Thoughts on becoming a mother

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

Author Unknown

My head may explode

I just got back from the doctor's office. While the tech was doing the CD 3 u/s today, the doctor asked me, "So what do think?" It was like he forgot to give me some information to think over at the last appointment. We've had no follow up consultation yet.
WTH? I don't know my choices yet and he's asking for a decision.

My RE wants to do IVF and I'm on BCP.

Okay, did you have to pick your jaw off the floor? Cause I sure did when I heard that. He thinks I have crummy eggs and not many of them left despite most of the ovarian reserve tests being normal. Including normal ovarian activity! I don't know my follicle count since we got side tracked but he said it was normal.

I had one freaking miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy right after (yeah still a miscarriage, but aren't CP common?!)

And now he wants to do IVF with PGD at $25,000 a pop.


He asked me if we were ready to move to IVF. :( Let me say that's not what you want to discuss half naked with a ultra sound wand stuck up inside you. I was expecting Clomid and maybe IUI based on some online articles regarding poor ovarian reserve but I was not prepared to hear IVF so *soon.*

He's stuck on the idea that I have poor ovarian reserve. Despite the fact that my CD 3 hormones and ovarian activity are normal and indicate an okay reserve. He said low/poor ovarian reserve can go hand in hand with poor egg quality. It doesn't automatically mean poor quality but it's likely since there's a smaller pool of eggs.

I told him that I wasn't ready to jump from getting pregnant on my own straight to IVF. The doctor countered with doing IUI and injectibles.

Chris countered with IUI and Clomid. Even though Chris didn't pronounce it correctly, I'm glad he was there because I was still kind of stunned. They hadn't yet given us any info on costs or anything to help make this decision.

The doctor called Clomid weak but agreed to do a cycle or two with IUI. BUT the quencher:And I now have to have a HSG! GRRR! They should have scheduled that this past cycle during all the other testing. I don't mind the procedure itself but why didn't we do it earlier?

They won't give me Clomid or injectibles until I have an HSG. So guess what? I'm on f'ing birth control pills for a month. HSG is scheduled Nov 6 which is CD 18. I guess they don't want a fertilized egg floating around to get blown out of my uterus/tubes.

I cried and cried. Still kind of crying. I'm so mad that they wasted this cycle.

My IUI will potentially be right after Thanksgiving. I kind of get why he wants to do an IUI since sometimes Clomid causes CM problems and we're in a hurry to get me pregnant because of the potential low ovarian reserve.

I've never had any kind of stimulation and he wanted to jump to the big guns. It took me by surprise. Part of me wants to start with injectibles instead of Clomid but I couldn't make that decision in 10 minutes standing at the doctor's office.

So that was my day. My head may explode any moment.



It was like he forgot to give me some information to think over at the last apointment. He asked me if we were ready to move to IVF. :( Let me say that's not what you want to discuss half naked with a u/s wand stuck up inside you. I was expecting Clomid and maybe IUI based on some online articles regarding poor ovarian reserve but I was not prepared to hear IVF so soon. He's stuck on the idea that I have poor ovarian reserve. Despite the fact that my CD 3 hormones and ovarian activity (number of follicles getting ready to become an egg) are normal and indicate an okay reserve. Poor/low ovarian reserve means there's not a lot of eggs left and when there's not a lot left, then the quality of the eggs goes down too. So I told him that I wasn't ready to jump from getting pregnant on my own straight to IVF. The doctor countered with doing IUI and injectibles. Chris countered with IUI and Clomid. (Even though he didn't pronounce it correctly, I'm glad he was there because I was still kind of stunned.) I now have to have a HSG! GRRR! They should have scheduled that this past cycle during all the other crap. They won't give me Clomid or injectibles until I have an HSG. So guess what? I'm on fucking birth control pills for a month. HSG is scheduled Nov 6. I cried and cried. Still kind of crying. My IUI will potentially be right after Thanksgiving.

A corny-copia

cor·nu·co·pi·a

1. Classical Mythology. a horn containing food, drink, etc., in endless supply, said to have been a horn of the goat Amalthaea.

2. a representation of this horn, used as a symbol of abundance.

3. an abundant, overflowing supply.

4. a horn-shaped or conical receptacle or ornament.




Okay, mine doesn't have an endless supply of corn but it is overflowing abundantly with fake flowers and ceramic squash.

I engaged in a little retail therapy at Old Time Pottery. That place is over flowing with cheap decorating and home furnishing items. Probably all made in China. Chris suggested that I check everything for lead paint. Probably not a bad idea, actually.

So I bought a very empty cornucopia there. I bought several sprigs of plastic flowers, some grape vine, and ceramic squash/pumpkin things. A little assembly and...

Voila, a cornucopia centerpiece worthy of my dinner table.

Chris actually noticed it and thought it looked "nice." It says a lot that he even noticed.

Okay, it's officially fall our house despite the sunny 80 degree weather outside.

Can't wait until Christmas time. Lovely strings of lights decorating palm trees in sunny 80 degree weather.

And more testing...

Today I had a procedure called SHG at the RE's office. It's normally performed on CD 7-10.

I got good news today. I have no uterine abnormalities that would have caused the miscarriages. I am sooo relieved! Thank God!


I do have the one small fibroid but it's at the bottom and back of my uterus. It's not supposed to be in the way of the baby implanting or growing. I guess the prime real estate in the uterus is the top. That's where most embryos implant. It's possible that the fibroid is causing the weird bleeding before my period. Fibroids are pretty common and luckily I only have the one in my uterus. But he said that we may not ever know what causes the strange bleeding. It may be unexplainable if it's not hormonal. I've had it every month except for the first pregnancy. So hopefully it won't cause problems with a "good" pregnancy.

The pain of the procedure wasn't too bad. It did cause some pretty bad cramping when he put the catheter through my cervix. The cramping has eased up a little. It comes and goes. Mostly it's just pressure now and my stomach feels hard too. The one bad thing from the procedure is that the nurse gave me a small panty liner for afterwards. They use betadine to clean the cervix and then there's the saline solution that they insert to lift away the lining of the uterus.

Well I wondered if the panty liner would be enough but I wasn't sure how much saline solution was actually used. Some came out when I was on the table and then a little more when I stood up. We stopped at Loews for a light bulb on the way home. I felt kind of damp so I asked Chris to look at my behind as I walked him front of him. He said my butt looked fine! ;)

I got home and the crotch of my pants was all wet! You couldn't see it when I stood up at least. But come on! They should know that a panty liner isn't enough. I felt bad for anyone that had to go to work after the procedure. So my advice, take a regular pad just in case.

I also got some of my CD 3 blood work back. It was all normal. Part of that checked my ovarian reserve/egg quality. So far so good. There's another test that we are waiting for (AMH) that will also help indicate premature ovarian failure.

I don't know what the FSH:LH levels were exactly. He told me the results were normal after the SHG when I was still half naked on the table. I couldn't do much more than nod and say okay. Questions are difficult to formulate under such conditions. :)

Chris' SA and blood work from Monday still aren't back yet. I don't know why they don't have that yet if they test the sperm in the lab right there. . The doctor did say it would be back by the time I have the endo lining biopsy on 10/17. So that and the rest of the RPL panel are what we are waiting on right now.

I'm thankful that everything is okay so far. And I'm hopeful for the future!