Monday, December 31, 2007

I have an expensive habit.

I'm addicted.

I'm a junkie.

Pee sticks.

They haunt me.

I'm missing my ovulation.

I need my fix!

I'm on CD 19 and still no positive or peak. I'm really frustrated with this Clomid cycle and resulting cyst. I think my ovaries are ticked off and maybe on strike.

I'm testing about 3 times a day. With multiple OPK.

Clomid can interfere with the CBEFM. Sometimes you won't get a peak on the monitor because Clomid causes higher estrogen levels as it fakes out your FSH to keep producing. So I don't trust my monitor.

That means I'm using additional OPK to check. And boy am I checking!

I'm using the Answer test strips. ($19 for 20 tests) When those look positive, then I'm checking with the CBE digital. ($39 for 7) Um, I'm on the second box of the digis.
The trouble is the Answer brand have been looking pretty damn positive since Friday. But when I check with the digital, no go. Empty circle. No smiley face.

I have a pee stick collection. They are labeled by date so I can be even more neurotic. Yesterday, the line on the digital looked darker than it has all week.
I'm almost hopeful but it's getting so late in my cycle.

Pee Stick Collection

I actually threw some away earlier in the week. And after I admitted my problem here, I forced myself to throw some more away. It's really gross but I am compelled to compare the darkness of the lines.

I even called CBE to inquire about the lines on the digital OPK. The line closest to the pee end is the LH line. The other line is just a control line.

On the CBEFM, the line closest to the pee end is again the LH line. The other line is the estrogen.

I am seeing a darker line on the CBE Digital so hopefully that is a good sign. I have some secondary fertility signs too. Come on, ovaries!

"My Works" for my addiction

Do I chance ovulation after CD 20? My follicles are probably all over mature by now. My egg quality probably sucks.

Damn cyst. We're probably going to continue to TTC this cycle. Another miscarriage would be awful but wasting another cycle almost seems harder. Especially with BCP therapy lurking in the future if the cyst isn't gone.

Carrot Cake IHO MayBride!

I think there's some kind of fertility voodoo going on with Carrot Cake according to MayBride. I'm hoping it works!

This is a recipe I adapted from my friend, Martha.

I used 3 8 inch round pans instead of 9 inch pans.

Serves 10
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for pans
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
3/4 teaspoon coarse salt
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
3 sticks (12 ounces) unsalted butter, room temperature, plus more for pans
1 cup packed light-brown sugar
1/2 cup granulated sugar
3 large eggs
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1/2 cup of applesauce
1/2 cup water
1 pound carrots (8 to 10 medium carrots), peeled and shredded on a box grater or in a food processor (about 2 3/4 cups)
2 cups pecans (1 cup finely chopped for batter, 1 cup coarsely chopped for decorating sides of cake)
1/2 cup of golden raisins (optional)

Cream Cheese Frosting

Make the cake: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter three 9-inch round cake pans. Line bottoms with parchment paper, and butter parchment. Dust with flour, tapping out excess. Whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, ginger, and nutmeg.
Beat butter and sugars with a mixer on medium speed until pale and fluffy. Add eggs, one at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat 3 minutes. Add vanilla, applesauce, water, and carrots. Beat until well combined, about 2 minutes. Reduce speed to low, and add flour mixture, then finely chopped pecans and golden raisins.
Scrape batter into prepared pans, dividing evenly. Bake, rotating pans halfway through, until golden brown and a toothpick inserted into centers comes out clean, about 30 minutes. Let cool in pans on a wire rack for 15 minutes. Run a knife around edges of cakes to loosen, and turn out cakes onto rack. Turn right side up, and let cool completely.
Using a serrated knife, trim rounded top of 2 cakes. Place one trimmed cake, cut side up, on a serving platter. Spread 1 cup frosting over cake. Top with second trimmed cake, cut side down. Spread 1 cup frosting over cake. Top with remaining cake. Spread remaining frosting over top and sides. Gently press coarsely chopped pecans onto sides of cake. Refrigerate 1 hour (or up to 1 day, covered) before serving.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Some rumblings are a good sign

I'm on CD 13 today. Still negative OPK and CBEFM only on high. Bah humbug!

But I'm starting to get some ovary cramps so hopefully it's show time soon. Please, Lord! Please!

I have to admit that I peed through 7 digital OPK in four days. Bad, bad, crazy lady.

I'm really not sure how I managed to do that, but the bag that I keep them was empty. Maybe the elves took them?

Ok, so I'm a nervous wreck right now since the IUI was canceled. I'm afraid to trust my CBEFM since sometimes you can miss your peak while on Clomid. I went to the store and bought two, yes TWO more boxes of the CBE digitals. Those of you in the know, understand what an expensive purchase that was.

Did I mention that I'm being crazy? Like a loon? I will gladly donate the other box if I get a BFP this cycle.

Oh, and happy birthday to me. I'm officially 37. Although all my doctors having been calling me that all year. Geesh. "For a 37 year old..." and "Since you are 37..." GTF out.

Apparently there's something in the internet ether. 3 out of 4 of my close internet friends are pregnant. And the fourth is starting Clomid if this cycle isn't successful. I'm sure she'll be next!
I'm praying for those ladies with BFP.

GL to everyone reading. May 2008 be a better year for everyone.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Christmas, cookies, softball, and blackjack.

My cookies
I spent over 10 hours in the kitchen baking cookies the week before Christmas. We take cookies to work every year as a thank you. I made at least 12 different kinds of cookies and candies that day. Christmas Eve I made another 5 varieties. I'm officially sick of cookies.
My favorite recipe for these big batches is from Real Simple Magazine. The Cookie Base Recipe makes 6 different cookies. I change it up some more to by adding different ingredients to the chocolate chip dough. But my favorites out those are the Gingersnaps and White Chocolate Snowballs. Everyone goes always goes crazy over those two.
The absolute finishing touch on the Gingersnaps is a Snow Dream Ball.
You take 8 ounces of cream cheese and mix in 5 cups of confectioners sugar.
Mix in 1/2 cup of coconut.
Form into a cheese ball.
Press remaining coconut onto the outside of the ball.
It looks just like a coconut snowball. I serve it on my Hallmark Snowman cheese ball plate. Very cute, too bad I didn't snap a picture. You can spread it on crackers or cookies.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

This is our 4.5 foot tree that we put on top of a table to cheat on the height. From outside the window it looks like a full size tree. But the size is perfect for us since we live in a small town house. I would love to have a full size tree but it's really not practical right now. I have ornaments from my childhood on there which is a lot of fun to get out each year. The newest ornament came from my friend, Stephanie. She got me an angel ornament in memory of the babies that I lost this year. The saying matches the angel statue that I bought. I need to take a close up of it. Perfect gift. Thanks again, Stephanie!

Christmas morning we host breakfast for the misfits. It's the third year running. All the adults that live by themselves come over to our house so they don't spend the day alone. It's nice and Chris does 90% of the cooking. I just set a pretty table with all my Christmas finery and pass around cookies.

We had Christmas dinner at BIL's. We played softball for a while before dinner. South Florida makes for interesting holidays. It was a nice day out, not too hot. It was really just us taking turns hitting pitches. No one ran bases or anything.
We had a traditional menu, but my baked macaroni and cheese was a big hit. There weren't any leftovers!

After dinner, everyone opened gifts. Well, mostly we all watched the twin 5 year olds open gifts. They got some nice loot. My favorite SIL got me a lovely bracelet and some dangling earings. She knows my taste so well!

After that, the guys played blackjack. Chris has a professional casino kit with a real felt pad for the table, chips and everything. They played nicely together. The brothers and cousins are so competitive! Chris lost a few dollars overall. And Cousin Al was the big winner. He did cough up $5 for gas and toll money since he rode with us. What a guy! ;)

I guess that sounds bad to be gambling on Christmas?

We actually haven't opened up our presents yet. We each got ipods. And I know he got me a laptop backpack. Our morning was too busy taking care of breakfast for our guests.

Monday, December 24, 2007

Black Hole On Christmas Eve

My CD 11 ultrasound was today to check the follicle maturity before I triggered with Ovidrel. I knew there was a problem as soon as I saw the huge black hole on the screen.
My left ovary has a cyst that is too big for me to continue with a medicated cycle. It measures 34.6 mm. At 35 mm, I risk ovary torsion if I trigger with the Ovidrel. If you're too lazy to click, it's a serious complication that would require emergency surgery or risk losing the ovary.

The black hole monster follicle is too big and likely overmature at this point even if it still has an egg in it.

My other follicles aren't so great. I have one that maybe be mature in a few days.
So no Ovidrel to trigger ovulation and no inseminations.


13.4 mm
8.5 mm

34.6 Black Hole
19.0 Hopeful follicle to mature

Endo: 6.73 not very thick yet but I'm only on CD 11. I think it has time.

We are allowed to still TTC this cycle but no medications. No Ovidrel and no progesterone support. I'm to check for an LH surge and hope it comes in the next few days. If it doesn't happen soon that this cycle may be a complete bust. After I get an LH surge, then I'm supposed to schedule a progesterone blood draw.

We've gotten pregnant on our own 2 out of 3 cycles we TTC. So there's definitely a chance for us to be successful.

The nurse was nice. She said that IF my period started, I'll come back for another ultrasound. That was nice that she didn't say when your period starts. Every little bit of hope helps.

If the cysts are still there, then I'll go on a form of BCP to quieten my ovaries. I'm not looking forward to that. I don't have good experience with BCP helping cysts go away. In 2006, I spent close to 8 months monitoring cysts while on BCP. It took that long for them to go away. I feel like I don't have 8 months to waste now!

I'm ready to have a pity party instead of a Christmas or a birthday party. But the show must go on. At least we "celebrated" my birthday yesterday so we were able to enjoy that without any shadows over it. But it still sucks.

And my husband is secretly releaved. He was dreading doing the IUI business. Men!

Monday, December 17, 2007

Next cycle, please

I had my CD 4 baseline ultrasound today. I have two cysts leftover from the first Clomid cycle. I was prepared to hear that as I've been pretty crampy. One on my right ovary is 11 mm and there's another on my left. My nurse said they were small enough that they wouldn't prevent me from starting the next round of Clomid.

My next appointment is on Christmas Eve which will be for a CD 11 ultrasound. We might IUI on Wednesday and Thursday after Christmas.

Bring on the hot flashes!

Monday, December 10, 2007

"You do testes?"

I had my final beta this morning. A different nurse called me back for the blood draw. While she wrote down my cell number for the results call, I told her not to feel bad when she calls me. That I was pretty sure it was negative.

Imagine in a thick Spanish accent: She says, "You do testes at home?"

I say, "WHAT?" Meanwhile I'm thinking my DH would enjoy this conversation.

"You do testes already?" She repeats it again and I get that she is saying tests as in pregnancy tests. LMAO! My ear does not "hear" Spanglish very good. Too much of my life was spent in Ohio.

ME: "Yes, I got a negative this morning."

Nurse: "We have a lot of women get pregnant on the second cycle."

ME: Thinking this, not saying it out loud because she's getting ready to stick me. "Well if I'd known that, I could have only paid $32 for the Clomid. Taken it and called it done. Next cycle, please. I could have skipped paying $566 for monitoring and the IUI. This whole month would have been a lot cheaper, easier, and less painful."

I talked to another nurse, Tania, about the irritation from the progesterone suppositories. She said it's not a yeast infection and that Aquaphor from Eucerin is the best soothing treatment. I bought a huge container of it at Walmart today. I'm ready to take a bath in that stuff!

I'll have my test result after 3 pm today. But it pretty much has to be negative unless it's another pregnancy gone bad. There's no doubt when I ovulated.

3:09 PM and the results: Negative

Sunday, December 9, 2007

I've been tagged

Maria, thanks for the tag. Bless your little heart. Yeah.

1. For 30 some years I detested peanuts. I would not eat anything with peanuts in it. No brownies, no ice cream drumsticks, no cakes, no peanut butter. I've never had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.Even just the smell of peanuts would make me sick to my stomach. One time my ex-husband kept eating peanuts while we watched tv in bed. I asked him repeatedly to put them away. Every time he opened the jar, a huge cloud of peanut scent would waft over to me. It was making me so sick and distressed that I opened the window and threw the jar outside.
Crazy, yes. But no more peanuts. I talked to my mom about why I have such a bad reaction to peanuts. I'm not allergic, I just HATED peanuts. She told me that I almost choked to death as a child guessed it, a peanut!
This was back in the early 70's before the Hemlich manuver or clearing airway techniques were taught. My young parents snatched me up by my feet and shook my up and down until the peanut came out. I was too young or too traumatized to have a memory of it. But I think that explained my peanut aversion. Mom also said I choked on a piece of peperoni but it never slowed down my love of pizza.
I have to wonder if I was held upside down and shaken during the peperoni incident

2. I have a google MD. I'm also very intimate with If I have a symptom, I google. I've diagnosed myself accuarately several times. Well, I usually have a list of possible diseases and diagnoses. I always worry it's the worst case scenerio and it ends up being the simple and common condition instead. (Thankfully!) But I can get in the ball park. This drives my husband crazy.

3. My blue eyes are my own color. If I'm wearing contacts people don't believe me. I've had to remove a contact lense to prove it. I'm glad people don't ask if my boobs are real.

3. I used to weigh 240 lbs and wore about a size 22-24. I now wear a size 12 jeans. Before my first pregnancy I was almost in a size 10. Well I was in it, but it wasn't comfy. I would love to lose another 20-30 lbs but so far, it's not happening.

4. I have driven over one million safe miles. I have a plaque proclaiming this status. Woot, woot. Some of you may ask, a million miles? How does a person do that? I am amoung the few and proud woman driving professionals.
No, I'm not a race car driver. I drive a semi-tractor for a living with my husband.

5. Because of number 4, I prefer to stay home on the weekend. I hate going out.

6. At age 30, I moved over 1200 miles from home to start over after my divorce. The weather is nicer in sunny Florida than in chilly Ohio. But I'm still an Ohio State Buckeye. Forever.

7. I have more online friends than IRL friends. See number 4 again.

8. I fear that I'm not very interesting because I've run out of things to list.

The End.

Now, it's my turn!

We're playing a game of tag. I'm IT but I get to tag 8 new people.
The rules: Make a post with 8 random things about yourself. You're then supposed to tag 8 more people. And the game continues.

You're IT!

Emily Is it fair to do this to someone with a new baby?
Monica You have some free time until TNO's debut. If TIC will give you a minute of peace.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Is that Jeopardy music in the background?

I keep imagining the Jeporady theme music playing in the background during the 2 WW! I'm praying that we have the correct answer when the music stops playing.

In the form of a question: "What is a BFP?"

I have my progesterone blood test today. I'm counting myself as 6 DPIUI. 8 DPTrigger

For excitement I used a line OPK. It wasn't full on positive dark but there was still a healthy colored line there. So I guess I'm still metabolizing the trigger. I might POAS tomorrow just to see if it's negative yet.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

Are my ovaries the size of softballs?

Or what?

This must be payback since I had none of my normal ovulation cramping when I was supposed to be ovulating from the trigger.

This cramping stuff started after my IUI and reached a crescendo today. I've got typical cramps in my ovary areas and now this pinching in the center started. I have no illusions that the center pain isn't related to my ovary size. I've had pretty massive cysts before and the pain didn't confine itself to just my little old ovary. There's only so much room in there after all.

This can be totally normal after ovulation so I'm not currently freaking out. It's just that all that constant rumbling makes it difficult to put all this suspense of the 2WW out of my mind.

I just hope it means there's some healthy CL cysts in there and not really softballs.

Overall I'm doing well. The germ factory (aka my husband) has finally sent a shipment of his finest product my way. I started with a sore throat in early morning that I kept trying to play off as allergies or the air conditioning bothering me. By evening time, I know I have his cold. No doubt about it.

Why would should any 2WW be uneventful?

I have some hope for a success but I think it's realistic hope tempered by the sperm count. At least we know my ovaries can respond well to the Clomid.
Take that Dr Creepy Skulker.

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Kicks and Wishes

Okay, I'm at the point where I'm kicking myself for what we did or didn't do and wishing we'd done things differently.

I wish that when we had sex Friday night, we used the PreSeed. It was how I got pregnant twice before on our own. The PreSeed may have helped with the CM issue and Chris' count may have been okay that night. Right now I consider Friday a waste if I was hostile to the sperm and since I ovulated 3 days or so later.

I wish we had sex late Sunday instead of waiting until Monday morning. I'm really kicking myself for this one. I hated to wait Chris up at midnight which was the earliest we could have sex for the PCT. So we waited until Monday am. Then that only left 24 hours between ejaculations for the IUI. It would have given him another 7 hours to produce more sperm if we'd done it at midnight.

I wish he'd taken the Tylenol Medicine right away when I tried to give it to him.

I wish he wouldn't have gotten sick. I wish he didn't forget his vitamins last week. I wish he got more sleep at Thanksgiving. I wish he would listen to me when I tell him he needs to stop driving every 2 hours and walk around.

I wish I wasn't angry about this. I wish we weren't down to this.
I wish, I wish, I wish.

Can someone give me a big kick in the butt? Please? I hate being so negative. My friend had a lower count for her IUI but I'm hopeful for her. And here I'm being a big jackass about mine. one came to the party

Dead sperm again. There was 18 MIL with 44% motility pre wash.

Post wash number of sperm inseminated: 3.8 MIL with 90 % motility.
Forward progression 2+

They like to see 10 million post wash. I know it's better than nothing, but crap. Not what I wanted to see. I wanted to cry on the table but kept my tears inside. The nurse tried to make it sound better by saying the 90% motility was great. Well there's not very damn many of them. And the forward progression isn't awesome. It's close/within normal range. 2.5 FP would have been better. I guess this was in between 2.0-2.5.

And the IUI hurt like a MFer. It hurt more than any other procedure that I ever had. More than the SHG, HSG, Uterus lining biopsy, copo with biopsy. She asked me if it was hurting really bad and I couldn't speak. I could only breathe.
Prior to the IUI, the nurse asked me to empty my bladder. I read on T-TTC that a full bladder can make it less painful to put the catheter through the cervix. Next time I'm not going to pee!

And yeah, I'm pretty sure there's going to be a next time.

And next cycle I want Chris to do another Semen Analysis prior to the Clomid and IUI. I want to make sure his levels are back up before we try this stunt again.
Also I want to make sure he doesn't have an infection and a lot of white blood cells in the semen.

A fever could impact sperm for up to 3 months since it damages the immature sperm in the testes too. Sperm take 3 months to mature. So in 3 months there will be a fresh crop of sperm that weren't exposed to the fever.
There's so sense wasting our time off and money. This is too expensive OOP on top of us both losing complete days of work with no pay.

What a fricking time to get a cold. Chris ever the tough guy, had refused to take the Tylenol Cold medicine. It could have helped with the damn fever on Sunday. Maybe it would have broke sooner.

Post IUI, I'm still a little crampy and bloated. I was bloated feeling prior though so it may just be my ovaries all out of joint from working so hard.

I feel like those four potential eggs are all lonely right now. No one came to the party. Crap. Now I'm crying. :(

Monday, November 26, 2007

Hopefully I killed his sperm

We didn't do our homework until this morning. We should have sex late Sunday night but I felt bad for Chris. Chris got a cold yesterday. He woke up at 1:30 AM shivering like crazy. I forced him to take some Tylenol Cold for the fever but it may have been too late.

I had the Post Coital today. My RE used a catheter and syringe to pull out a sample of my CM from inside my cervix. She was disappointed in the amount of CM and she had trouble getting the sample. I had a small amount of EWCM on Saturday but none yesterday or today.

I killed all of Chris' sperm. There was only one alive and still swimming. Well hopefully I killed his sperm. If not then the fever did him in.

There was one other alive sperm, but it was not swimming right. She said the pass or fail is 5 alive and swimming sperm in the field of study under the microscope. She said there were a lot of sperm, just all dead. She thinks it's the Clomid that made me hostile to the sperm. To get around this Clomid side effect we are doing the IUI tomorrow. I asked her if the fever Chris had could cause sperm count problems and she agreed that it could. Lousy timing, she said. Yeah, real lousy and costing us a lot with time off work plus the cost of the IUI.

My RE said we'll know tomorrow when they do the sample. If there's a lot of dead sperm or a low count, then the fever is affecting it. If tomorrow's sperm count is bad, we won't have much of a chance. The IUI is all or nothing.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

The Anchovies Worked

Chris told me eating anchovies would help my follicles grow. Well it worked!

Today I had good news at the CD 12 ultrasound. According to the nurse, I have 2-3 mature follicles so out of those hopefully I'll have one good egg. It's great that I have maybe 3, but it's not a guarantee that any of them will be good ones. So far I have a track record of sucky eggs=miscarriages.

I didn't get to write down the exact numbers but here's the approx sizes:
22.something mm
18.something mm
18.something mm
17.75 mm

If there's a next time, I will write them down. I didn't think ahead today or I would have had a pen and paper ready.

I was instructed to bring the Ovidrel with me to the appointment. I reused the freezer packs and thermal envelope it was originally shipped in to keep it cold for the trip down to the office. It's been in my fridge since FedEx made the delivery.

After we did the u/s, the nurse gave me the option of her injecting me with the trigger shot or her teaching me to do it. If she did it, then I would get charged.
So I opted to do it myself. She prepared the syringe by getting the air bubble out of it. Then it was all mine.

It's a pretty short needle that goes straight into your stomach. It honestly didn't hurt and was easy to do. Chris said he had to turn his head away though. Do you think this guy will last in the delivery room? Wimpy! ;)

This Ovidrel will trigger ovulation in 36-48 hours. It's basically like a shot of LH to make the follicles release their eggs. I say it's like a shot of LH but in fact it's HCG- the pregnancy hormone which is chemically similar to LH. That becomes important later.

If the follicles over mature, then the egg quality goes down.

I'm so happy and thankful to God about the timing of this all. I was so stressed out on the timing with our days off work. If I had to go back in a few days for another ultra sound check, it would have meant a lot more time off work for the monitoring and Post Coital Test. This way even my progesterone blood draw next week and beta blood draw can be done on our normal day off.

We have to have sex tonight or early tomorrow morning, no more than 10 hours from our appointment. Then they are going to do the Post Cotial Test to make sure the CM is okay after taking the Clomid. If my CM isn't fertile enough or if there's only dead sperm left, then we have to do an IUI on Tuesday.

The PCT is kind of humilating but they do it all the time. I just don't like the idea of us having sex and then them checking on it! Chris said he wasn't going into the exam room tomorrow. He said he couldn't face the doctor if "the best part of him" was running down my leg. Ugh. He was so cute and understanding just a few days ago. What happened?

Hopefully we can save our time off and our money by skipping the IUI.

Monday, November 19, 2007

"It will help your follicles grow."

"It will help your follicles grow." Those words actually came out of Chris' mouth this afternoon.
It was very strange. What happened to the clueless guy who had no idea about anything? He keeps surprising me. Just last week, he asked what our sex schedule should be leading up to ovulation. He's interested and actually wants to know? He even understands that there is a timing issue? Wow. It is a little trickier this cycle since we are doing a PCT and possibly an IUI.

Now back to "It will help your follicles grow." He told me this in reference to the anchovies he was trying to slap down on my casear salad. Hmmph. I didn't buy it. When he turned away, I flopped most of them back over on his salad. I did eat two just in case they really do help my folicles grow.

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Asparagus and Cheese Frittata

Asparagus and Cheese Frittata

This was inspired by Williams Sonoma's Grilled Asparagus Frittata I made it in a double fritatta pan but you can do this in one oven safe skillet and just finish baking the eggs in the oven.

Asparagus and Cheese Frittata

1 lb. asparagus, tough ends trimmed off
1 Tbs. extra-virgin olive oil
Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper, to taste
2 1/2 Tbs. unsalted butter
1 onion, thinly sliced
2 cloves of garlic, thinly sliced
6 eggs
1/3 cup milk
1/2 cup finely grated romano cheese
Crumbled Gruyere cheese for garnish

Cut the asparagus into 2-inch pieces. In a bowl, toss the asparagus with the olive oil, salt and pepper.

Heat the deep half of a frittata pan over med-high heat. Place the asparagus on the pan and cook until tender, 5 to 7 minutes. Transfer to a plate.

In the deep half of a frittata pan over medium heat, melt 1 Tbs. of the butter. Add the onion and garlic and cook until soft and light golden, about 5 minutes. Transfer to the plate with the asparagus. Wipe out the pan with a paper towel.

In a bowl, whisk together the eggs and cream until frothy. Stir in the asparagus, onion, romano cheese, and season with salt and pepper.

In the deep half of the frittata pan over medium heat, melt 1 Tbs. of the butter. Add the egg mixture and cook until set, 7 to 10 minutes, using a rubber spatula to gently lift the cooked edges and allow the uncooked eggs to flow underneath. After 3 minutes of cooking, in the shallow half of the frittata pan over medium heat, melt the remaining 1⁄2 Tbs. butter.

Place the shallow pan upside down on top of the deep pan, then flip the frittata into the shallow pan and cook, covered, for 3 minutes. Remove the deep pan and continue cooking until the eggs are completely set and cooked through, about 5 minutes more.

Gently shake the pan to loosen the frittata, then slide it onto a serving plate. Garnish with Gruyere cheese.

Friday, November 16, 2007

CD 3 Ultrasound

I went for my CD 3 u/s prior to starting the Clomid. I met my doctor's nurse, Leslie. She did the transvaginal u/s and really the only one I saw the entire visit.

My u/s was fine, no cysts on my ovaries so we are good to go. At the previous u/s Dr W found 3 parovarian cysts on my left ovary. She said that I shouldn't be concerned about them but to let the nurse know about them because sometimes they can be confused with ovarian cysts. So I in a round about way, mentioned them to Leslie before she started looking at lefty. I didn't want to tell her how to do her job, but I wanted to prevent any trouble. Who wants to have a second of trouble while on an exam table half naked? She had some difficulty finding all three of them. But eventually she got them measured to make sure they weren't growing or doing anything weird.

I admit that I'm slightly disappointed with their u/s viewing. Dr Creepy Skulker had big wall mounted plasma TVs for our viewing pleaseure. Dr W just has the standard u/s set up with monitor by the exam table. No biggie, of course.

I guess I was just spoiled. There's nothing like seeing your innards up on the wall. Some were even 3-D shots. (How some of those pregnant women would be jealous of a 3-D ultrasound! Ah yes, the "benefits" of IF.) For my viewing pleasure, my uterus was up on the wall, on a plamsa TV screen. But it certainly wasn't in HD. And it certainly is disappointing when there's no baby in there.

I'm sure all of us would much rather be on the other side of the fertility aisle and not reap those lovely "benefits" of uterus snap shots.

Afterwards I asked my questions.
Do I need to use an OPK and be prepared to trigger with the Ovidrel if I get a positive? No, the CD 12 u/s should be plenty of time.
Do they supplement with estrogen if my lining is thin?
Yes, but that's rarely necessary. The baby aspirin should help with that too.

I wish I'd asked about the PCT. Some studies say that it's not a very good test of hostile CM. Plus I've read that normally they are done within hours of having sex. We're set to do it about 12 hours after.

Monday, November 12, 2007


Today was my last BCP! Yay. I really hated taking those for no purpose other than to verify that my tubes were open. Two pregnancies in two months usually means at least one open tube. But just to be on the safe side, I did the HSG.

I picked up my St Joseph's Baby Aspirin and OPK's today. I'm increasing my folic acid too. I had read an article discussing that sometimes overweight women need more folic acid. There are also various clotting disorders that are treated with additional folic acid. I tested negative but I've also read some clotting disorders can test negative normally but show up only in pregnancy.
Trish gave me a good March of Dimes link that helped pushed me over to the mega dose of folic acid. It is a water soluable vitamin so my body should get rid of what it doesn't need.

I will ask my new RE at my CD 3 u/s but for now I'm going to increase my dose to 4 mg to start with. I have a feeling she will be fine with it since I'm on other preventative measures like B/A and P4.

I have a small bottle of folic acid 400 mcg to go through before I head to Sam's for the industrial size bottle. Again thanks for the tip, Trish.

400mcg X 7 pills = 2800 mcg + 1000 mcg (1mg) in my PNV= 3,800 mcg or 3.8 mg

Anyone want to double check my math? 7 freaking pills is A LOT of one vitamin!

For kicks, this is what I'm taking:

Prenate Elite
81 mg Baby Aspirin
100 mg B6
2800 mcg Folic Acid
20 mg Acipex
Patanol oph. solution
100 mg Clomid CD 5-9
Oridrel at LH surge
200 mg Progesterone starting 3 days post Ovidrel

I take more crap than my 87 year old grandma. I think that I may add some B12.

Now I just need get my period and my CD 3 ultrasound out of the way. Then here comes Clomid!

Who knows when old AF will show up. I haven't been on these BCP before and I've been spotting off and on all month. So really who knows? Tomorrow would work perfectly. Thanks in advance, AF.

As to "I think" I'm ready part: I'm pretty anxious. This is it. We finally get to try again. April seems like a long time ago when I got pregnant the first time. I worry about all the monitoring logistics with this Clomid cycle. I worry that I won't get pregnant. I worry that it will result in another chemical pregnancy. I worry I'll have a later miscarriage. I worry.

I worry Dr Creepy Skulker is right and my eggs suck.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

Grandma Nash's Apple Squares

Grandma Nash's Apple Squares
1 cup sifted flour
1 tsp baking powder
¼ tsp salt
¼ tsp cinnamon
¼ cup butter
½ cup packed brown sugar
½ cup sugar
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla
½ cup chopped apple
½ cup finely chopped walnuts
1 Tbsp Cinnamon sugar (mix ½ cup gran. Sugar with 1 ½ tsp cinnamon) There will be a lot extra of this, I just saved it and kept it for my next batch
Combine flour, baking powder, salt & cinnamon
Melt butter, beat in sugars, egg & vanilla until smooth
Stir in flour mixture, apple & walnuts until thoroughly combined
Spread into greased 8x8x2 in pan
Sprinkle with 1 Tbsp cinnamon sugar mix
Bake at 350 degrees for 20 min, or until top springs back when pressed with fingertip. Inside will by slightly gooey, moist.
Cool completely, cut into squares.

Friday, November 9, 2007

HSG and spilliage

This is my last appointment with Dr G. I'm so ready to switch to the new clinic.

Before every procedure they do a pregnancy blood test. Blowing a fertilized egg out of the uterus is generally not a good thing.

So I had to get there an hour before my procedure was scheduled for this blood test. I go back and wait for the nurse to finish some other paperwork. Dr G is skulking around back there just outside of the blood draw area. I only look at him out of the corner of my eye. I really don't want to talk to him. Next thing I know, he's doing wall push ups. Directly across from me. There's a whole clinic and decides to show off directly in my eye sight. Weird, I tell you.

And again the blood draw is painless. Cheree is good but it still bothers me that she doesn't glove up.

I now go back out to wait for the blood test and the okay to take my 800 mg of ibuprophen.

They finally call me back. Again, I'm the last patient left in the office. I'm hoping the doctor isn't in a hurry for lunch or worse yet shaking from hypoglycemia.

We have some chit chat as I get prepped. "Slide a little farther down the table, please." I swear you can have your butt hanging off the table and they still want you farther down.

Mine wasn't an xray and it wasn't the SHG. I've had that one too. They used some different imaging options on the u/s machine. They had me empty my bladder so they could use the external u/s to verify they were getting the stuff into my uterus.
He shot my cervix up with novocaine. Then we waited for a couple of minutes to get me numb. He dilated my cervix and put the catether in and then the dye medium which had lidocaine added to it. Then they put the balloon to keep the dye from coming out. Then they switched to the transvaginal ultrasound. It was just very crampy but it never lasted very long. Deep breathing in and out helped control the pain. I got to see the pictures on the tv screen on the wall.

Everything is open and clear. I have great "spillage." My tubes are open. Well duh, doctor, that is probably how I got pregnant twice.

I have cramping now that varies in intensity. Nothing horibble so far. I feel like crap right now but I think that I'm hungry and feeling a caffiene headache. I didn't drink all of my coffee this morning. Maybe that's a sign I should give it up.

They told me to drink lots of water to help with the cramps. Maybe that helps your body to get rid of the contrast dye? I'm also to avoid aerobics. I don't think that was on my schedule today anyway.

It was awful trying to get out of there without setting up the IUI cycle. I hated to tell them because I wanted them to be nice to me.
Breaking up is so hard to do!
I told them we were going to Ohio to visit family for the holidays and were unsure of our travel schedule. :(
I tried to get a copy of the HSG images on CD per my new doctor's request but they wouldn't give them up. I even had them ask Dr G. "He doesn't do that." I'll get a release from my new doctor and fax it to them. Hopefully they will comply with the law and transfer my records without too much fuss.

I'm spotting a little bit. I took a regular pad with me this time. That clinic thinks pantyliners are enough for everything. Nope.

I'm free! I'm free! Buh-bye creepy skulking doctor! Hello, new RE!

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

I have DRUGS!!!

Fed Ex just brought my Clomid, Ovidrel, and progesterone!!

I have drugs! Yay.

And of course, he rang the the door bell while I was in the shower. I'd been up since 5:00 AM but didn't head for the shower until around 9:00. Stupid? Yes. I thought it was still early yet.

As soon as I started rinsing my hair, I hear the knock. I had actually ran to the upstairs window while dripping 1 minute before because I heard a noice outside. I was very anxious for my meds. So this time I see the truck outside.
I grabbed my shorts and tshirt off the floor, ran down the stairs dripping wet. Yelling, "yes, I'll be there just a minute!" I get to the door and struggled putting on my clothes while checking out the peek hole. Now yelling, "Just a second more!" I managed to put my shirt on inside out and backwards. I also had water drops on my glasses. Very cute!

I signed for the package and offered the driver a water or Pepsi. He declined. I wouldn't have taken anything from the crazy looking lady either.

I ordered from Freedom Pharmacy. Tricia recommended it and my RE office uses them too.
I need to check on buying Clomid locally if there's a next cycle. Again thanks, Tricia.

So here's my drugs and cost breakdown. I feel that it's cheap considering what injectibles will cost (approx $1500/cycle)

Clomid 100 mg a day for 5 days: $31.90
Ovidrel .5 ML shot $44.25
Progesterone 200 MG (30 caps) $75.00

The progesterone is for two cycles so it's not too bad. And it seems like overnight shipping is included. The Ovidrel requires refrigeration so that's the rush to get it delivered. I need to pick up my Baby Aspirin and I'm set!

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Jumbled messes and timing

I've been looking at the IUI calendar my old clinic gave me. I think they were going to have me continue taking active BCP another week longer than I normally would to delay my period a week. Otherwise the IUI and monitoring would be around Thanksgiving.
They are closed Thursday through Sunday that week. Nice, huh? How convienent, for them, not their patients.

I'll ask what their game plan is when I go for the HSG on Friday just to see what they say. I'm not officially breaking up with them until I get that done and hopefully have a copy of the XRAY. But I'll tell them that I don't want to order the meds yet and we may wait a month or something to put them off. Breaking up is so hard to do. In my mind it's over but I have to tell them. LOL

Any way Dr W (new RE) said that I could start the Clomid cycle whenever I was ready to stop taking BCP. My last active pill is 11/12. Normally on BCP my period takes 3 days to start so that would be 11/15. But these are different pills and I've been spotting since CD 14. Who knows what will happen. Which creates a lot of stress for me. I need to have a plan.

So let's say the earliest I'll start my period is 11/13 (the first day I'm not taking active BCP) that would make my CD 12 ultrasound on 11/24 which is Thanksgiving weekend. My new clinic is open in the AM so that's no problem. And that day would work out since we'll be home CD 12 & CD 13 without taking a day off of work. That would be perfect! But of course that won't happen then.

Being on the road during this is making me more nervous. They talked in the office like I would come in for the CD 12 u/s and bring the Ovidrel to be shot up. But reading the instruction sheet, I see it talking about LH surge. (The didn't tell me to use OPK. Although of course I would!)

So it sounds like I need to be prepared to trigger if I have a LH surge earlier than CD 12.

It's a jumbled mess in my mind. I'm so nervous.
New clinic, new medicines, new worries and old worries!

Monday, November 5, 2007

Hopefully I have the right egg

My "old" doctor (yes, I'm changing clinics) called me this morning and wanted to reschedule my HSG from today to Friday. So now I'm going on Friday to that alone without Chris and will have to drive that night. :( Oh well, it's just one day.

The new RE (Reproductive Endrocrinologist) is Dr W. She asked me why I was there and I told her Recurrent Pregnancy Loss and Low AMH (Anti Muellerian Hormone- that's the only test I "flunked" at Dr G's and indicates poor ovarian reserve.)

She immediately said she doesn't have much use for the AMH test! Yes!
The old doctor was basing everything on that test. She said it's too new of a test and the result values are not very standardized yet. It was originally studied in London and they use a different value measurement system. Repromedix is a big fertility lab and their website says very plainly that AMH should not be relied upon soley to determine ovarian reserve.

She's very hopeful since I have normal FSH, LH, estradial, follicle count and ovary volume. She thinks those are much better indicators of ovarian reserve. She would love if the AMH test was accuarate but she's had too many women with low AMH have successful pregnancies. She basically said that the AMH shows I'm not a fertile as a 20 year old but we knew that already. She feels that it's just indicative of my age. Now if a 20 year old had low AMH, then it would be a more serious problem.

She also said IVF was something that should be worked up to. There's many steps to try before going there. She said she was confident that I would have a baby. I know that's a standard pep talk but it was still nice to hear her say it. It was nice to hear after the other doctor was all doom and gloom.

Did I ever mention that Dr G is creepy? I told Chris once and he didn't get it until the other day when he felt creeped out too. Maybe someone telling you that you need IVF helps push them over to creepy-dom but I think this guy comes by it honestly.

Back to Dr W: She said it was up to me whether I have the HSG done. It wouldn't hurt and may help since it would "blow out" my tubes. That could clear out any debris in there. So I'm still getting it done on Friday. Again it was nice to hear that she agreed that I didn't *need* the HSG since I've been pregnant twice on my own. One of those tubes has to be open!

I had an ultrasound and there aren't any cysts in my ovaries. So I probably didn't ovulate even though I had all those cramps around CD 13-14 like normal. She said it was still possible but there was no evidence of it.

All her RPL patients are on baby aspirin and prosgesterone. BA helps with implantation issues and is given to those with known clotting disorders. Progesterone helps support the uterine lining. Both are extras to help with a pregnancy. They do no harm but could help. So I'm to start this next cycle.
On CD 3- next week! I'll go in for an ultrasound to verify there's no cysts. She said CD 3 blood work wasn't necessary since I've had two normal FSH cycles. Wow, a doctor wanting to save me money!!

On CD 5-9, I will take 100 mg of Clomid. Clomid masks the estrogen receptors in my body which will cause more FSH to be release. More Follicle Stimulating Hormones = more follicles= more eggs hopefully. Dr W says that it will increase the risk of twins to about 10-15%. Clomid does have some side effects so we'll do a PCT to verify that I'm still sperm friendly and my uterine lining is okay.

On CD 12 I have another u/s and will probably trigger with Ovridel. Ovridel is an injected medicine that mimicks the LH surge. It will "trigger" ovulation, maybe of more than one egg if the follicles are mature.

We are to have sex and then go in the next day for a Post Coital Test. If the post coital is bad, then I'll have an IUI the next day to get the sperm where they need to be.

I'll then start progesterone supplements (think she said 3 days post trigger). Progesterone is produced naturally by the CL cyst in the ovary. However there's some debate whether low progesterone causes a miscarriage or a bad pregnancy causes low progesterone. I'm glad I found a doctor that is willing support with progesterone just in case it will help.

We'll do this for 3-4 cycles before moving on to injectibles. At 3 cycles, we'll talk if I want to do the 4th or move on to injectibles.

So that's the game plan. Baby aspirin, Clomid, timed intercourse, IUI if necessary, and progesterone.

She sounded very positive that we just need to get the right egg and the right sperm together. Hopefully I have the right egg!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Over Stuffed Baked Apples

4 large McIntosh or Empire apples, cored
1 tablespoon lemon juice
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup instant oatmeal mix or rolled oats
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg,
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
4 tablespoons butter, melted
1/8 cup, raisins
1/4 cup chopped walnuts or walnut pieces or pecans
1/4 teaspoon vanilla (optional)

4 carmel squares, unwrapped (optional)

Preheat oven to 425 degrees F.
Sprinkle cored apples with lemon juice. Mix next 8 ingredients and over-stuff apples. Place one carmel square on top of each apple.

Bake 20 minutes in a small oven safe dish.
Transfer apples to small bowls with a spoon and top with ice cream

Friday, October 26, 2007

We have contact!

Finally. It only took two days and about a dozen phone calls, but we now have an appointment at a new IF clinic for a second opinion.

Hopefully the fact that the scheduling person is busy is a good sign. The appointment is in just over a week so I can't really complain. This clinic has very good stats for IVF if it does come down to that.

I tried to get into the same clinic that my sister in law went to but it's not on my health insurance plan. I only have infertility testing covered on my plan. So IVF/IUI aren't covered. But any little bit that I can get covered is worth it. Also *when* I get pregnant again, all of that blood work and ultrasounds will be covered at this clinic. This new clinic also has slightly better live birth stats than my sister in law's. But it also has a slightly higher cycle cancellation rate too. So that may be a wash.

I'm not 100% sure that I am changing from clinics yet. But we're going to start with the second opinion and go from there. It will partly depend on what this new doctor says, what diagnostic testing will need repeated, and how soon we can try to get pregnant again.

I may do the IUI cycle with the old clinic and then transfer if it's not successful.

Another step closer to baby.

Oh, and happy birthday, Mom.

Onion Soup with Cheese Toasts

Serves 8
2 tablespoons butter
2 tablespoons of olive oil
4 pounds of onions (about 8 onions), chopped into small pieces
2 cans of low-sodium canned chicken stock
2 cans low-sodium canned beef stock
4 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
1/2 cup of Merlot, port, or Marsala wine
Cheese Toasts
In a Dutch oven or large heavy-bottom 5 quart pot, melt the butter and oil over medium heat. Add garlic and chopped onions; season with salt and pepper; cover and cook, stirring occasionally, until onions are soft and translucent, about 12-15 minutes.
Uncover and continue to cook, sirring occasionally until onions are dard golden brown, 25-30 minutes. If bottom gets dry, add water and scrape with bits up with a wooden spoon.

Add wine and cook until syrupy, 2-3 minutes more. Stir in broth and 2 cups of water. Bring to a simmer. Serve with Cheese Toasts.

Cheese Toasts:
Heat broiler or toaster oven. Place 1/2 inch thick slices of baguette on a baking sheet. Sprinkly coarsely grated Gruyere cheese or swiss cheese on top. Broil until golden. 2-4 minutes.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Pumpkin Oatmeal Streusel

I made these as mini loaves instead of muffins. They are so good. I added just a bit more pumpkin.

1/4 cup Quaker® Oats (quick or old fashioned, uncooked)
1 tablespoon brown sugar, firmly packed
1 tablespoon butter or margarine, melted
1/8 teaspoon pumpkin pie spice
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup Quaker® Oats (quick or old fashioned, uncooked)
3/4 cup brown sugar, firmly packed
1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons pumpkin pie spice
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt (optional)
1 cup LIBBY'S® 100% Pure Pumpkin
3/4 cup milk
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 large egg, lightly beaten
Directions:PREHEAT oven to 400° F. Line twelve medium muffin cups with paper baking cups or spray bottoms only with cooking spray.FOR STREUSEL: COMBINE all ingredients in small bowl; mix well. Set aside.FOR MUFFINS: COMBINE flour, oats, sugar, nuts, if desired, baking powder, pumpkin pie spice, baking soda and salt in large bowl; mix well. Combine pumpkin, milk, oil and egg in medium bowl; blend well. Add to dry ingredients all at once; stir just until dry ingredients are moistened. (Do not overmix.)FILL muffin cups almost full. Sprinkle with reserved streusel, patting gently.BAKE for 22 to 25 minutes or until golden brown. Cool in pan on wire rack for 5 minutes. Remove from pan. Serve warm.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Thoughts on becoming a mother

Thoughts on Becoming a Mother:

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

Author Unknown

Monday, October 22, 2007

My head may explode

I just got back from the doctor's office. While the tech was doing the CD 3 u/s today, the doctor asked me, "So what do think?" It was like he forgot to give me some information to think over at the last appointment. We've had no follow up consultation yet.
WTH? I don't know my choices yet and he's asking for a decision.

My RE wants to do IVF and I'm on BCP.

Okay, did you have to pick your jaw off the floor? Cause I sure did when I heard that. He thinks I have crummy eggs and not many of them left despite most of the ovarian reserve tests being normal. Including normal ovarian activity! I don't know my follicle count since we got side tracked but he said it was normal.

I had one freaking miscarriage and a chemical pregnancy right after (yeah still a miscarriage, but aren't CP common?!)

And now he wants to do IVF with PGD at $25,000 a pop.

He asked me if we were ready to move to IVF. :( Let me say that's not what you want to discuss half naked with a ultra sound wand stuck up inside you. I was expecting Clomid and maybe IUI based on some online articles regarding poor ovarian reserve but I was not prepared to hear IVF so *soon.*

He's stuck on the idea that I have poor ovarian reserve. Despite the fact that my CD 3 hormones and ovarian activity are normal and indicate an okay reserve. He said low/poor ovarian reserve can go hand in hand with poor egg quality. It doesn't automatically mean poor quality but it's likely since there's a smaller pool of eggs.

I told him that I wasn't ready to jump from getting pregnant on my own straight to IVF. The doctor countered with doing IUI and injectibles.

Chris countered with IUI and Clomid. Even though Chris didn't pronounce it correctly, I'm glad he was there because I was still kind of stunned. They hadn't yet given us any info on costs or anything to help make this decision.

The doctor called Clomid weak but agreed to do a cycle or two with IUI. BUT the quencher:And I now have to have a HSG! GRRR! They should have scheduled that this past cycle during all the other testing. I don't mind the procedure itself but why didn't we do it earlier?

They won't give me Clomid or injectibles until I have an HSG. So guess what? I'm on f'ing birth control pills for a month. HSG is scheduled Nov 6 which is CD 18. I guess they don't want a fertilized egg floating around to get blown out of my uterus/tubes.

I cried and cried. Still kind of crying. I'm so mad that they wasted this cycle.

My IUI will potentially be right after Thanksgiving. I kind of get why he wants to do an IUI since sometimes Clomid causes CM problems and we're in a hurry to get me pregnant because of the potential low ovarian reserve.

I've never had any kind of stimulation and he wanted to jump to the big guns. It took me by surprise. Part of me wants to start with injectibles instead of Clomid but I couldn't make that decision in 10 minutes standing at the doctor's office.

So that was my day. My head may explode any moment.

It was like he forgot to give me some information to think over at the last apointment. He asked me if we were ready to move to IVF. :( Let me say that's not what you want to discuss half naked with a u/s wand stuck up inside you. I was expecting Clomid and maybe IUI based on some online articles regarding poor ovarian reserve but I was not prepared to hear IVF so soon. He's stuck on the idea that I have poor ovarian reserve. Despite the fact that my CD 3 hormones and ovarian activity (number of follicles getting ready to become an egg) are normal and indicate an okay reserve. Poor/low ovarian reserve means there's not a lot of eggs left and when there's not a lot left, then the quality of the eggs goes down too. So I told him that I wasn't ready to jump from getting pregnant on my own straight to IVF. The doctor countered with doing IUI and injectibles. Chris countered with IUI and Clomid. (Even though he didn't pronounce it correctly, I'm glad he was there because I was still kind of stunned.) I now have to have a HSG! GRRR! They should have scheduled that this past cycle during all the other crap. They won't give me Clomid or injectibles until I have an HSG. So guess what? I'm on fucking birth control pills for a month. HSG is scheduled Nov 6. I cried and cried. Still kind of crying. My IUI will potentially be right after Thanksgiving.

Monday, October 8, 2007

A corny-copia


1. Classical Mythology. a horn containing food, drink, etc., in endless supply, said to have been a horn of the goat Amalthaea.
2. a representation of this horn, used as a symbol of abundance.
3. an abundant, overflowing supply.
4. a horn-shaped or conical receptacle or ornament.

Okay, mine doesn't have an endless supply of corn but it is overflowing abundantly with fake flowers and ceramic squash.

I engaged in a little retail therapy at Old Time Pottery. That place is over flowing with cheap decorating and home furnishing items. Probably all made in China. Chris suggested that I check everything for lead paint. Probably not a bad idea, actually.

So I bought a very empty cornucopia there. I bought several sprigs of plastic flowers, some grape vine, and ceramic squash/pumpkin things. A little assembly and...

Voila, a cornucopia centerpiece worthy of my dinner table.

Chris actually noticed it and thought it looked "nice." It says a lot that he even noticed.

Okay, it's officially fall our house despite the sunny 80 degree weather outside.

Can't wait until Christmas time. Lovely strings of lights decorating palm trees in sunny 80 degree weather.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

And more testing...

Today I had a procedure called SHG at the RE's office. It's normally performed on CD 7-10.

I got good news today. I have no uterine abnormalities that would have caused the miscarriages. I am sooo relieved! Thank God!

I do have the one small fibroid but it's at the bottom and back of my uterus. It's not supposed to be in the way of the baby implanting or growing. I guess the prime real estate in the uterus is the top. That's where most embryos implant. It's possible that the fibroid is causing the weird bleeding before my period. Fibroids are pretty common and luckily I only have the one in my uterus. But he said that we may not ever know what causes the strange bleeding. It may be unexplainable if it's not hormonal. I've had it every month except for the first pregnancy. So hopefully it won't cause problems with a "good" pregnancy.

The pain of the procedure wasn't too bad. It did cause some pretty bad cramping when he put the catheter through my cervix. The cramping has eased up a little. It comes and goes. Mostly it's just pressure now and my stomach feels hard too. The one bad thing from the procedure is that the nurse gave me a small panty liner for afterwards. They use betadine to clean the cervix and then there's the saline solution that they insert to lift away the lining of the uterus.

Well I wondered if the panty liner would be enough but I wasn't sure how much saline solution was actually used. Some came out when I was on the table and then a little more when I stood up. We stopped at Loews for a light bulb on the way home. I felt kind of damp so I asked Chris to look at my behind as I walked him front of him. He said my butt looked fine! ;)

I got home and the crotch of my pants was all wet! You couldn't see it when I stood up at least. But come on! They should know that a panty liner isn't enough. I felt bad for anyone that had to go to work after the procedure. So my advice, take a regular pad just in case.

I also got some of my CD 3 blood work back. It was all normal. Part of that checked my ovarian reserve/egg quality. So far so good. There's another test that we are waiting for (AMH) that will also help indicate premature ovarian failure.

I don't know what the FSH:LH levels were exactly. He told me the results were normal after the SHG when I was still half naked on the table. I couldn't do much more than nod and say okay. Questions are difficult to formulate under such conditions. :)

Chris' SA and blood work from Monday still aren't back yet. I don't know why they don't have that yet if they test the sperm in the lab right there. . The doctor did say it would be back by the time I have the endo lining biopsy on 10/17. So that and the rest of the RPL panel are what we are waiting on right now.

I'm thankful that everything is okay so far. And I'm hopeful for the future!

Friday, September 28, 2007

Just for the joy of it! An Inspirational Story

Someone on my favorite message board shared this story. It really has a comforting message.

To look at miscarriage through the eyes of a child:

"because here’s the really cool part. It goes back into the circle, but it becomes a Spirit Baby, and all the other babies give it cuts. Each month, it’s always first in line. Isn’t that great?"

Yes, that really is great.

My husband's cousin once shared a story about a couple then had three miscarriages before they were able to have a baby. This was way before we had lost our own or I probably would have said more in reply. The cousin said that he would have stopped before getting to that point of three losses. I could understand his point of view, that 4 pregnancies were a lot of pain to go through in order to have a child. But it's not so "easy" for the couple trying to have a baby.

Many doctors do any testing prior to three pregnancy losses. And most insurances will not cover this testing prior to three. So couples are really not given an opportunity for diagnoisis and treatment prior to three. This is very sad and disheartening but the testing can be extremely expensive.

So one can't give up! We must go on and try to get that baby in our arms. I'm very thankful that we were given the chance to have the Recurrent Pregnancy Loss panel done after only two miscarriages.

And then the reason we go on is the last line in the above story. "Just for the joy of it."

That's why we go on with this testing and trying to concieve our baby. It's not an easy road. Sometimes it's down right painful and messy.

Just for the joy of it!

Thanks for the inspiring story, val. You're awesome. I continue to pray for you and your little one. Grow, baby, grow.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

17 vials of blood later....

I feel that I totally deserve this Taco Bell for lunch! Hey, I did order chicken and there are some vegetable looking things underneath all the cheese, beans and sour cream. So it's not all bad. I need to build my strength back up, right?

Today I had my CD 3 bloodwork drawn at the RE's (fertility doctor) office this morning. That was 3 vials of blood out of my left arm. No biggie, right?

Then I had the RPL (Recurrent Pregnancy Loss) panel draw down at Labcorp. The RE's office wasn't set up for the special handling some of the tests require. The poor lab tech at Labcorp. I actually felt worse for her than myself. She kept going over and over the tests ordered and the vials needed. She even left the room for about 15 minutes to verify somethings. I tried not to get nervous and kept thinking positively. It's only $4500 worth of lab work!

She told me that she really hoped I had that much blood to give. I told her I'd been doing my homework and downing water for the past day. Thankfully the blood kept flowing and she got all the vials filled. When the last one was complete, she put her arms on the table top and bowed her head and thanked Jesus it was done! Bless her heart. We had both praying, lol.

That was 14 vials of blood out of my right arm!

(Side note: if you are right handed, get the big doozie blood draws out of your left arm. I still have wimpy arm going on)

I didn't even get dizzy until I was in the car driving home. It was just a little dizziness though and I was minutes from the house. I had already safely secured the Taco Hell. :)

I'm feeling better now. Partially because my belly is full and but mostly due to the fact that the blood work is done! YAY! Let the testing begin!

And I have the evil satisfaction that DH has a (SA) Sperm Analysis and a blood draw for genetic karyotyping next week. :)

My appointment at the RE's went okay too. They gave me an ultra sound to look at my uterus and ovaries at the beginning of my cycle. My right ovary looked perfect with 7 follicles. My left ovary looked a little different. There was some debate between the doctor and the u/s tech. At first they thought it could be some fluid in my fallopian tubes (bad news). Then after some pushing and prodding around, they decided it was nothing to be concerned about and possibly was just my ovary. I definitely have one small fibroid but it's in an "okay" spot in my uterus. Not prime real estate for the baby to implant in.

My next appointment is 10/4. I'll have a SHG (don't ask what that stands for!) Basically it's a saline u/s. The saline solution will left away my lining from my uterus so they can visualize the inside. They will be looking for septums, fibroids, and polyps.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Our first "fertility doctor" appointment

The doctor is a reproductive endrocrinologist. Otherwise called a RE.

The doctor was pretty nice. He seems very reassuring and so far I feel that we're in good hands with him. We'll see.

He did an extensive interview and medical history with us. He liked the TCOYF charts (BBT charting of my cycle) and asked what program it was. I saw he actually referenced the legend key a couple of times so it was more than just a cursory glance.

We have some major blood to give! The RPL panel (Recurring Pregnancy Loss) -genetic, immune system, and clotting bloodwork- may be expensive. There's a mobile lab that will come to our house to do that side of it. They are supposed to check with our insurance company to see what/if any of that will be covered. They give a deep discount if we use them without insurance so that's "nice." Otherwise they can do it in the office.

We can schedule that part of it as soon as they get back to us on our insurance.
The next step is Cycle Day 3 blood work for me. They could be as early as next Tuesday.

Then between CD 7-10 I will have a saline u/s to check the inside of my uterus. I'm glad I'm having this procedure done instead of the HSG because this will be done in his office. I've gotten pregnant 2 out of 3 months we've TTC so there's probably not a tube issue.

And when he did an exam today he said that he felt what was probably a fibroid outside of my uterus. It's possible that thing could compress my uterus on one side. Thus inhibiting the uterus from expanding with a growing baby. Which could cause a miscarriage. So that's something they will look for too. I hope I don't need surgerty to fix anything!

After that fun time, on CD 22 I'll have a endometrial biopsy. We should have all the testing done in October. It will be just however long it takes to get back results.
We have to avoid trying to get pregnant for at least October and maybe Novemember as we test and wait for all the results to come back.

Here's the advice he wants us to do for now:
Chris is supposed to take a multivitamin like Centrum twice a day! He's also supposed to drink 2 Mountain Dews a day to stimulate the sperm to swim better. Dr G said that there's been some studies on caffiene affecting the sperm motility. And that he noticed some of his patients having really crazy good swimmers. He asked them what they were doing and it turns out it was caffiene. He said coffee and Mt Dew seem to have the best amount for it.
He said basically it was his unofficial study based on some of his patients.

The advice for me was to try yoga to ease the stress/relax and eating healthy and excerising. He didn't say anything about my weight thankfully. I'd been thinking about buying a prenatal yoga DVD so now I have a legit reason to do it.
I did lose a little weight. I'm down 6 pounds but I'm still up from what I weighed in June when I was pregnant. I really need to try hard the next couple of months we have off from TTC.

So we're hopeful but at the same time it's kind of scary to start down this road.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

I lost my second pregnancy

I started bleeding last week at 9 DPO. It was way more that what anyone could imagine as implantation bleeding. It stopped as soon as it started. At 10 DPO I had one more instance of bleeding that again imediately stopped. It kept starting and stopping until 12 DPO.

13 and 14 DPO I didn't have any bleeding so I decided to POAS. I got a positive! I was pregnant! It was Friday so I called my doctor to schedule a beta for Monday morning.

I started spotting very faint pink discharge over the weekend. It was almost a watery red. I continued getting positive pregnancy tests but I didn't have a very good feeling.

When I was getting my blood drawn, the tech said, "You've been trying for awhile haven't you?"

"Do you have any children?"
"No." Crying now! Thanks!

Lynn, my doctor's nurse came by as we were finishing up. She asked me how things were going. I told her about the positive pregnancy tests but the continued spotting. I told her I was just so afraid my period was going to start. She asked me if I wanted to see the doctor. I didn't know since there wasn't much he could do for me. But she and the tech both thought I should. I guess tears running down your face helps in getting an appointment and moving to the head of the line.

My beta on Monday was only 10 at 17 DPO. So I was at least clinically pregnant and get to "count" this as m/c number 2. (Oh the joy!)

I had got a faint positive (really squinting and tilting the FRER) that morning and a negative one Tuesday. My period started Tuesday at 18 DPO. It's pretty heavy with a lot of cramping.

Today I was scheduled for the second beta but it was pointless. My doctor talked to DH and I for a long time. I asked for a reaccurring pregnancy loss panel and my doctor told me we'd do all the bloodwork testing on myself and my husband, including karotyping. I was surprised how easy my doctor agreed to start testing since I've heard others having difficulty. I'm 36 so I guess that helps get things going. My doctor also mentioned doing a HSG. He left during the consultation so he could go dictate my treatment plan so we have a permanent record. (I have a treatment plan!) He returned and gave me a big hug and shook my husband's hand. The doctor really spent a lot of time discussing the various clotting disorders and structural problems possible.
I have to wait a month to get the testing started. My doctor said he wanted to make sure this pregnancy didn't affect some of the clotting blood work. So, that's that for now.

We're going to take a TTC break which is probably not a bad idea anyway since I've lost two since June.Hopefully it's just bad luck that I've had two losses. BUT I'll be glad to know that we have some of the testing out of the way. Overall I'm hanging in there. I've cried off and on the past few days but I knew this pregnancy wasn't starting off very good last week. So it was kind of expected.

But this certainly is not the journey I expected when we set the date to begin TTC. I figured we'd TTC for 6 months and go directly to a RE, do not pass Go and do not collect $200. Maybe I should start playing Monopoly, since I have some free time this next month. I need a new hobby since POAS and chart obsessing are out for the time being.

Saturday, July 28, 2007

My Miscarriage Recovery- betas to period

Click on the above link to get to my chart post miscarriage. It's the chart that starts on 6.25.07 at for the pregnancy of 9 weeks.

Post Miscarriage Beta:

6/25/07 (Day of miscarriage) Beta: 432

7/02/07 (One week post m/c) Beta:220

7/09/07 (Two weeks post m/c) Beta:48

7/11/07 I finally tested negative on a HPT that is sensitive to 10-50 mIU.

Post miscarriage bleeding:

I bled and spotted for 16 days after the miscarriage. I stopped for about a week. Then I started spotting again for a day and passed a piece of retained tissue.

My period started 34 days after the natural miscarriage. My doctor does not hold to the 20 day rule about no bleeding or spotting.

Post miscarriage ovulation:

I believe that I ovulated 20 days after the miscarriage. I got a positive OPK and red streaked EWCM. In fact the EWCM was more than I had ever seen before. I had one good temp shift but then my temps were up and down to my coverline. I believe that I did ovulate but my progesterone was still falling from the pregnancy. This was obviously not a good or strong ovualtion. My period started 13 days later.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Perhaps they are not stars in the sky...

"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky, but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy."

I found this angel at a Hallmark store. It really called out to me. I brought the angel home and showed Christopher. We hugged and cried together. I feel like this was a turning point in our grief. More of a step forward towards healing.

I also bought a yellow memory box. Inside I put some flowers from the arrangement that Mom had sent along with the cards from Grandma and my aunt. Also I put other small rembrances of the pregnancy. This is my memorial to my baby.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Good night, sweet angel baby.

It's not a beautiful poem. It's just written to help me get my pain out. I think of it as my lullabye to my baby.

Good night, sweet angel baby.
You're too beautiful for this earth,
So God welcomed you above.
My heart aches from the loss.
But you'll always be a part of me.

Good night, sweet angel baby.
This poor mortal world is not fit for you.
So in heaven you'll find your home.
My arms are empty today,
But I hold you safe in my heart.

Good night, sweet angel baby.
Learn to sing and dance with the angels.
Make a joyful sound in heaven,
And I'll smile when I hear your song.
You'll always be my angel baby.

Good night, sweet angel baby.
One day in heaven above, I'll hold you in my arms.
I'll hold you tight, heart to heart.
And we'll never be parted again.

Good night, my sweet angel baby.
Mommy misses you.
Your name is written in the tears streaming down my face.
Good night, good night.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

A Pink Daisy and Rollercoasters

My mom sent me flowers. I'm going to dry and press a few of them to keep as remembrance of my baby.

I feel so sad. It's crazy what bothers me.

I can watch Baby Story on TV and be fine.

Then I was reading a magazine and totally lost it when I saw a picture of an 8 year old girl with her mom. :(

What a roller coaster of emotions!

I told my Mom

Chris is the only one that knows but I felt like I wanted to talk to her about it. We had been keeping it a secret. We were planning on announcing the pregnancy after the appointment the following week. At the 10 week appointment we were going to hear the heartbeat on the doppler or ultrasound.

Based on some real good advice, I decided to call my mom and tell her about the miscarriage. She didn't know we were even trying to concieve.

She said all the right things and made me feel better. It helped to share this with someone beside just Christopher. She asked if grandma knew yet. I told her no but that she could talk to grandma about it if she wanted to.

Grandma called. She's so very sweet. She's praying for us. I found out that my Aunt had 3 miscarriages. She has 2 great boys now. I couldn't imagine going through this 3 times. My aunt is even stronger than I ever knew.

Monday, June 25, 2007

My Miscarriage at 9 Weeks

On Saturday I started spotting at 2 am with a bit of brownish red CM. It looked like what you would imagine a MP to look like. Now I've got very light spotting. It hasn't stopped all day. I'm only 8 weeks 5 days. :(

By Sunday afternoon the spotting had gotten a lot worse. I paged my doctor who called me back within 5 minutes. He told me to come into the office Monday at 9 am. He told me not to go to the ER unless the bleeding got out of control like a hemmorage because otherwise I'd have to wait so long and be uncomfortable. If I did decide to go to the ER, I was to call him so he'd meet me there.

Monday at 4:30 am I woke with a sharp pain. Later I was told this sharp pain was probably the placenta detaching. Very strong cramping started soon after. The cramps got very instense and I started passing very large clots. At this point I got into the shower as it helped with the strong cramps. I've heard them referred to as contractions and I guess that's truely what they were. I passed two large pieces of tissue about the size of my palm. The bleeding was insanely heavy to the point it was runnning down my legs. I couldn't get out of the shower if I had wanted to so I just sat on the floor of the tub clutching my stomach.

A friend told me she miscarried in the shower and at the time I thought it strange. But now I completely understand.

It slowed down very quickly after I passed the tissue and big clots. Then it was like a heavy period. I passed everything on my own at home that morning. It took maybe an hour or two at the most for the active miscarriage. It was scary but I knew what what was going on so I dealt with it. Nothing else could be done. Chris didn't even know at the time.

We were at my doctor's office at 9 am when they opened. I told the receptionist that I had spoken to the doctor the day before and he wanted me to come in. She got a sad look on her face. Within 5 minutes I was walking back to an exam room. I told the nurse that I was having a miscarriage. She took me into the ultrasound room. The tech prepped me and tried to comfort me by saying that a little red staining could be okay. I told her it was much worse than that. She took many pictures with the transvaginal ultrasound and then left me to dress.
We went back to the exam room and got undressed again for the doctor to examine me. I was up on the table and Chris was in the chair holding my hand. We had to wait a moment for the nurse to come back into the room so the doctor could start the exam. The doctor and I made eye contact and he had the saddest look on his face. Just looking at the doctor made me feel so bad that they have to deal with so many losses. After the pelvic exam and reviewing the ultrasound, he said it was a complete miscarriage as my cervix was closed already. I had a blood draw for another beta. The doctor said we needed to monitor my betas to make sure it was dropping appropriately. If my levels didn't drop fast enough or if they went back up it was a sign that there was some retained tissue. And then a D&C was a possiblity.

I did not want a D&C for many reasons. I much preferred losing my baby in the privacy of my own home. However if it was a missed miscarriage, I would not want to go weeks waiting for the miscarriage to start. Everyone is different but I was glad at the time that I had a natural miscarriage.

Advil and a heating pad helped the pain and cramping a lot. My doctor said it was ok to double up on the Advil dosage.

I took it very easy the rest of the week. I spent a lot of time with my feet propped up as I read that could help the bleeding stop sooner. By Friday I was feeling better but very weak.

I continued to bleed and then spot in total of 14 days after the miscarriage. I had another wave of spotting about a week after that. During that spotting I passed a small piece of tissue. The nurse told me that eventually I would pass everything or my body would absorb it.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Happy Father's Day

I hated to ignore Father's Day even though I'm only 8 weeks. I wanted to keep it simple so I got him a card. It's theme was partner, lover and friend. Inside I added the words "to be" after the word parents. He's father-to-be!
I made Christopher a fritatta for breakfast. It was the first time making that recipe. He really enjoyed it and liked having the day off. He's usually the one to make the big breakfasts on the weekend.
Happy Father's Day, Christopher.

Monday, May 28, 2007


I'm waiting. So far I only have sore breasts as a pregnancy symptom. Oh and heartburn but that's from not taking my prescription medicine. I'm trying to not taking much medicine during the first trimester.I'm glad that I don't have morning sickness yet. That might get fun while driving. :(Hopefully I'll be one of those that don't get it.I'm trying to drink 64 ounces of water a day. I only drink one cup of coffee a day. No sugar subsitutes. I cut out diet soda completely. I've had maybe 3 sodas since I got pregnant. I don't miss it so far.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Friday 05.25.07

Friday, May 25, 2007
Dr S calls me at 9:30 am. He had promised that someone would call me before the long weekend.First thing out of his mouth is, "Congratulations, you are officially pregnant." My beta number had doubled from 337 to 712. I was a little concerned that it wasn't higher since the draws were more than 48 hours apart. When I asked, Dr S said,"Stop worrying. It's perfect!" :)He transferred me to the front desk to make my next appointment. They will see me June 11. I'll be 7 weeks. They would have gotten me in a week earlier but I wanted to make sure that if we did an ultrasound, the heart beat should be visible. At just 6 weeks even it might not have been. They didn't promise an u/s but just in case, I'm going to plan and plot!Once you see the heart beat on the u/s the miscarriage rate drops to about 5%. I'd really like to see the heartbeat. It can't be heard on a doppler until sometime after 10 weeks.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Second Beta Draw

Thursday, May 24, 2007
We had to take a day off from work to get my levels checked. Dr S really wanted me to do this.Chris went with me this time. I think being in the office freaked him out a little. At least he saw other dads to be there too.While the tech took my blood she let me look over the previous levels. Progesterone 49.4HCG 337Progesterone level is high according to her. The HCG level looks good to my untrained eye. But it really matters if it doubles or not.Chris and I are getting ready to go back to work. I hear his phone ring upstairs. Next thing I know he's running down the stairs saying, "She's right here. Do you want to talk to her?"It's Dr S on the phone. He told me that my hormone levels looked good. That normally when the progesterone levels are that high, the pregnancy is successful. He sounds very happy for us but there's some caution as we need today's bloodwork to come back. He's excited that he got to make a "good" call. Normally he gets stuck with the sad calls and the nurses take the easy ones. I really like this doctor :) He tells me to listen to my voicemail. I had my phone off since I went to the appointment earlier. Lesson learned: Keep the phone on at all times! This is important stuff.Chris and I listen to the voicemail. Dr S doesn't give specifics but he says over and over that he has good news for us. Yes, indeed. GOOD NEWS!

Monday, May 21, 2007

Doctor Appointment 05.21.07

Monday, May 21, 2007
I had to prep for this one. They are going to weigh me and make me pee in a cup. I need concentrated urine just in case they do a pregnancy test. Ok light breakfast and no peeing or drinking after 10 am. My appointment is at 2:30.Do you know how hard it is to take a shower when you need to pee? Fun times.The doctor's office staff was very nice. Dr S had to run out for a delivery. Luckily his office is in the medical building that is connected to the hospital. He was back pretty quick. I peed, bleed, and weighed. I'm being very nice to the lab person since she'll be taking my blood a lot.They decided to try an ultra sound even though I was only exactly 4 weeks pregnant. The tech said it was probably too early to see anything but while we were waiting for the Doctor to come back, we might as have a look-see.She didn't find anything in my uterus as expected but she did find a cyst on each ovary. A cyst is normal as it controls the progesterone hormone that is needed to sustain the pregancy until the placenta develops around 6 weeks. The placenta takes over then and the cyst goes away.The tech stumbled a bit explaining the two cysts. Maybe one cyst was just left over from the month before. Could be. Yeah that's a reasonable explaination.OR, it could be that both ovaries ovulated. That would be two eggs coming out to play with the sperm. Yeah, that could/would be twins.We'll have to wait and see. It's too early to speculate about anything. Even if the pregnancy is a good one. At my age the miscarriage rate is 1 in every 3 pregnancies.Some of the blood that they took is to measure the pregnancy hormone hcg and progesterone. The progesterone needs to be over 20 to sustain the pregnancy. The hcg needs to double the next time I have it drawn. Waiting...

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Another day, another test

Today I peed on a Clear Blue Easy. Positive sign=pregnant.

Yeah, Chris is starting to believe.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Dollar Tree 05.19.07

Saturday, May 19, 2007
I admit when I bought the tests from Dollar Tree that I asked for 5. (Yes, they are behind the counter and you have to ask for them. The cashier didn't blink an eye though. I have a feeling the word about these tests has been spreading via the internet.)So I still have more tests and I always have more pee. Another line a little darker this time!

Friday, May 18, 2007

Testing 05.18.07

Friday, May 18, 2007

What good is just one test when there's more first morning urine available? This time I used a First Response Early Response test. Definitely a second line. It's still faint but the line is there. I'm starting to believe that I really am pregnant.

I decide to call the doctor's office. It's time to make this public in some way. Chris is still hesitant about me being pregnant. He wants to believe but really, what's a line on a stick? They want to see me soon because I had some spotting.