I'm so sad.

I just feel so sad and frustrated. It's like we haven't had a real chance to TTC since my second m/c in August.

The first cycle, the IUI was ill timed because of the PCT.

Second cycle I ovulated way early and we only had sex on the day of ovulation.

And then the third cycle, I had the 9 cysts and was on a medicine that was supposed to suppress ovulation and bring on a period. Well my stupid body, decides to disobey doctor's orders and ovulate on CD 30! So now we didn't have well timed intercourse because I was bleeding from the progestin and my egg quality probably sucks from it being so late in my cycle.

I'm not very hopeful that I could be pregnant with the late ovulation and the fact that we only had sex on Monday and Tuesday.

There's always the chance though. And technically my ovaries were suppressed for 21 days. I know the follicle didn't grow until last week because of the two u/s. Stupid body couldn't just sit out the cycle like the doctor wanted, had to bust a move to ovulate.

I just spent way too much time playing with TCOYF and FF. Neither one wants to give me cross hairs no matter what info I took out or put in. I tried taking out the spotting since it was caused by the progestin and it still wasn't happy. I think the long cycle just blows their mind.

TCOYF Chart

Fertility Friend


TCOYF is setting my coverline super high for some reason. I see 3-4 good high temps. I really dislike it right now but I have a feeling it's correct. When I first entered in my info, it forecasted my period to start today. Well, I'm spotting bright red and have achy ovaries. Maybe the progestin withdraw finally kicked in. I don't know what I changed but now it's forecasting my period for Tuesday.

But the more I sit here, the more it feels like I'm having AF cramps.

Please dear God, give me a normal cycle. Without cysts would be a nice bonus.

I'm close to asking about trying Femara instead of Clomid. Wonder if we could do TI instead of IUI because the CM isn't supposed to be affected. That would help with my days off work for monitoring.

Most days I just want to cry. Oh, hell. I might as well cry. Maybe I'll feel better

IUI...no one came to the party

Dead sperm again. There was 18 MIL with 44% motility pre wash.

Post wash number of sperm inseminated: 3.8 MIL with 90 % motility.
Forward progression 2+

They like to see 10 million post wash. I know it's better than nothing, but crap. Not what I wanted to see. I wanted to cry on the table but kept my tears inside. The nurse tried to make it sound better by saying the 90% motility was great. Well there's not very damn many of them. And the forward progression isn't awesome. It's close/within normal range. 2.5 FP would have been better. I guess this was in between 2.0-2.5.

And the IUI hurt like a MFer. It hurt more than any other procedure that I ever had. More than the SHG, HSG, Uterus lining biopsy, copo with biopsy. She asked me if it was hurting really bad and I couldn't speak. I could only breathe.
Prior to the IUI, the nurse asked me to empty my bladder. I read on T-TTC that a full bladder can make it less painful to put the catheter through the cervix. Next time I'm not going to pee!

And yeah, I'm pretty sure there's going to be a next time.

And next cycle I want Chris to do another Semen Analysis prior to the Clomid and IUI. I want to make sure his levels are back up before we try this stunt again.
Also I want to make sure he doesn't have an infection and a lot of white blood cells in the semen.

A fever could impact sperm for up to 3 months since it damages the immature sperm in the testes too. Sperm take 3 months to mature. So in 3 months there will be a fresh crop of sperm that weren't exposed to the fever.
There's so sense wasting our time off and money. This is too expensive OOP on top of us both losing complete days of work with no pay.

What a fricking time to get a cold. Chris ever the tough guy, had refused to take the Tylenol Cold medicine. It could have helped with the damn fever on Sunday. Maybe it would have broke sooner.

Post IUI, I'm still a little crampy and bloated. I was bloated feeling prior though so it may just be my ovaries all out of joint from working so hard.

I feel like those four potential eggs are all lonely right now. No one came to the party. Crap. Now I'm crying. :(

Hopefully I killed his sperm

We didn't do our homework until this morning. We should have sex late Sunday night but I felt bad for Chris. Chris got a cold yesterday. He woke up at 1:30 AM shivering like crazy. I forced him to take some Tylenol Cold for the fever but it may have been too late.

I had the Post Coital today. My RE used a catheter and syringe to pull out a sample of my CM from inside my cervix. She was disappointed in the amount of CM and she had trouble getting the sample. I had a small amount of EWCM on Saturday but none yesterday or today.

I killed all of Chris' sperm. There was only one alive and still swimming. Well hopefully I killed his sperm. If not then the fever did him in.

There was one other alive sperm, but it was not swimming right. She said the pass or fail is 5 alive and swimming sperm in the field of study under the microscope. She said there were a lot of sperm, just all dead. She thinks it's the Clomid that made me hostile to the sperm. To get around this Clomid side effect we are doing the IUI tomorrow. I asked her if the fever Chris had could cause sperm count problems and she agreed that it could. Lousy timing, she said. Yeah, real lousy and costing us a lot with time off work plus the cost of the IUI.

My RE said we'll know tomorrow when they do the sample. If there's a lot of dead sperm or a low count, then the fever is affecting it. If tomorrow's sperm count is bad, we won't have much of a chance. The IUI is all or nothing.