Sunday, February 17, 2008

Sit down for this

I had very heavy period like bleeding for about 36 hours late Thursday and all day Friday. I called it CD 1 and even scheduled my CD 3 baseline ultrasound to check on the cysts.
Then it went to very light spotting and almost stopped on Saturday. I kept feeling so awful and some of the things kept reminding me of my last chemical in August.
I just had a bad feeling for the past couple of days when I started spotting at 5 DPO and then bleeding at 9 DPO that a chemical pregnancy was a possiblity. I even talked myself out of testing on 10 DPO. I wanted to protect myself from the knowledge that I could be having another miscarriage. Finally after the the bleeding slowed down so much on Saturday, I couldn't take it any more. I tested.
It was a pretty faint line on the FRER but definitely pink and with in the time limit.

I admit that I emailed 2 of my close friends that I knew could still be up 11 pm and cussed up a storm about having a chemical pregnancy. They were super supportive as always. Then I phoned the on call doctor who told me I could start the left over progesterone supplements from my Clomid cycles. I go on Monday for a beta.

But in all honesty, it's probably just a chemical pregnancy based on the amount of bleeding I've had.

I'm not one to share "weird feelings" unless I have some proof. At this point, I hope to have some hcg still left in my system for the blood draw on Monday. I know chemical pregnancies happen all the time without evidence other than a positive pee stick at home. But I worry about being taken seriously. ::big eye roll::
I did get a positive on Sunday with a digital pregnancy test so that was reassuring in a small way.

I almost didn't share it with my pregnancy loss prayer group. But then I got an email from another friend in that group and decided that it was a lack of faith NOT to ask for prayers. Miracles do happen after all. I just usually don't expect them for me.

I'm okay with it. Kind of numb I suppose. I've had two miscarriages, I can get through a third. I just want to know for sure that it's a CP and then I can stop the progesterone. Part of me didn't even want to bother with it but there's always a small chance. I didn't think anything good could come of this late ovulation. And things definitely aren't looking good.

There's no way in hell I'm announcing a BFP. I didn't even do that with my second pregnancy and I was only spotting then.

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